Looking out for yourself is different than putting others down. I totally understand the need to please people. Whether it’s a family member, friends from school, a coach, even a random stranger, humanity as a whole generally strives for acceptance from their peers. This can be achieved by selflessness. But honestly, that can be harmful physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually. Putting strain on yourself to put others first simply isn’t healthy.
Going to practice to please your coach even though your doctor told you not to isn’t healthy.
Staying up all night to study for a midterm isn’t healthy.
Hanging out with friends who don’t appreciate and value you isn’t healthy.
Sure, you don’t want to let your team down. So you go to practice anyways. What if you get your teammates sick? Or you’re supposed to take it easy because of a concussion, but push yourself too hard to look good for your coach, and you’re taken out of your favorite sport permanently? Or maybe coffee is your thing, and instead of getting some sleep you fill up your favorite mug and get back to work. There’s this idea that running on no sleep and replacing naps with caffeine is normal, and it’s sometimes even romanticized. That can have serious detrimental effects on the mind and the body. Your body needs sleep, and you aren’t doing anyone a favor by endangering yourself.
Constantly worrying about how every single action you take is going to effect those around you and how they’ll think of you because of it isn’t healthy. Holding back from being yourself can honestly cause some pretty serious problems, not to mention you’re robbing the world of someone totally amazing. If you feel underappreciated or if you feel that a friendship is conditional: Get away from it. Someone who genuinely loves you and supports you, like a friend should, is going to enjoy watching you grow and discover yourself, finding things you like and totally embracing the person who you want to be.
There’s nothing wrong with taking care of yourself and being true to who you are. Listen to your body and make choices that you feel good about. Come to decisions based on your own reasoning. While kindness is one of my core values, that’s different than selflessness. You can put yourself first while still doing things to benefit others. As the saying goes, "If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."
