I don’t really have time for this, but I have to say yes. She will get mad at me if I don’t go help her with that favor. What if she tells her friends that I’m a loser because I said no? Then they won’t like me either. I just have to say yes.

Welcome to the brain of the average people pleaser, where our personas strive for perfection. We are wired with tendencies to help others before ourselves, which at times could consume many precious days. Our vocabulary is stripped of words and phrases like “no” and “maybe later.” Our personalities trap us in a dungeon filled with the pressure to keep everyone important to us happy. We set standards for ourselves that are borderline insanity and give everyone that instant gratification that we find unfeasible for our own pleasure. Part of our hearts have been programmed to be happy solely on doing favors for others, uncontrollably helping classmates, and mindlessly saying yes to everything. When that part of the heart gets tampered with, we feel as if we let the world down.

Being one of these people pleasing junkies myself, I have some perspective on this. To put it as lightly as possible, I was recently drop kicked with an enlightening awakening. Reflecting on 2016 as we know it, I’ve come to the realization that I am not enjoying the little things that life has to offer amidst my unrealistically high quantity of stress. That I’m not embracing the sunshine, or the new plaza at my beautiful school. That I am not as content with my current lifestyle as I came to believe. That I’m exerting all my energy into my perfectionist standards and diligently pleasing other people.

Here’s my advice to you, and it would please me if you carry this advice with you. Enjoy your life solely for your sanity. I’m not saying to completely delete helping others from your lifestyle, but lower your people pleasing tendencies from the top of your priority list. Find activities that you love to do, spend time with the significant people in your life (and get rid of all the toxic relationships), and embrace all of the intricate details of your life. Buy a planner and stick to it (I say if it is not in ink, it’s not getting done!). Don’t schedule all activities for one day, balance them throughout your week. Place the letters “n” and “o” together in your personal dictionary and utilize its power when necessary. Balance helping others while keeping your mental sanity in check. The most important person you need to give gratification to is yourself.

I guarantee you that the transition from a people pleaser to a “self-pleaser” is difficult, and I’m still currently amidst the transformation myself. However, there is an honest confession that I need to make clear here: this transformation is beyond worth it. I saw a change within days of deciding to put myself at the center of my life. I guarantee that putting yourself and your needs as your topmost priority leads to greater happiness in days to come.