There’s a misconception that everyone has to be strong all the time, or put on a tough front. That’s so not true. You will hit rock bottom, you will have heartbreak, you will have pain and suffering, confusion and anger. You will have all of those things that tear down your wall faster than a blink of an eye. These things will make you question yourself, your life, your faith, your trust, and everything in between. And that’s okay.
Many times, these feelings come out of nowhere and leave you blind-sided. At first, shock has taken over and the pain doesn’t quite set in. And when it comes, it hits you so hard you almost can’t catch your breath. Sleep, appetite, drive, desire leave your body when that pain hits you. You start to believe that things will never get better. And for some reason, any time someone asks, “how are you?”, you’re answer still comes out as, “I’m okay.”
It’s okay to not be okay.
No one is expecting you to be strong when you can’t be. No one is expecting you to fight back tears when you can’t keep your mascara on for longer than an hour (and it’s waterproof). No one is expecting you to ‘take it like a champ’ and not feel the pain. Because you’re human and you feel it.
My advice is to embrace that pain, that feeling. Don’t suppress it, don’t numb yourself to it. It will eventually make its way and you’re only delaying its onset. Believe me, it sucks. No one has an answer and nothing makes you feel better…except time. But that pain brings something that you would never anticipate: strength. You find self-awareness and self-control during times of suffering. You learn more about yourself during this horrible time than during all the good times you have. And all the while, you didn’t think you were being strong, you’re making yourself stronger. The funny thing about pain is that it never lasts forever. You’ll either do one of the two (or maybe both): look back and almost laugh at how you thought this was your lowest point, or look back and realize it only made you a better person.
If a person causes your pain, don’t resent them; find a common ground of understanding. Don’t say and do things you’ll regret out of this time of pain, because when it wears off you’ll find yourself humiliated and disappointed. Don’t try to get revenge; it won’t make things any better. Take the pain as it comes, you’ll soon notice when it starts to fade. Don’t make an enemy because you’re angry at things you cannot understand. Don’t push away those that are trying to help. Just take it day by day.
If a situation causes your pain, don’t dwell on it. It won’t change the past, but it will affect your future. Things will get better (I know hearing this means nothing at the time, but it’s true). Just take it day by day.
If you’re going through a hard time, what you need is a support system. If you think you have lost your support system, trust me you have a back up. It’s okay to ask for help from others, most of the time they’re more than willing to lend a hand, or an ear, or a shoulder to cry on. Don’t feel like you need to suppress your feelings and put on a body of armor. It’s okay to feel your worst, and admit it. It’s okay to not be okay. And this is coming from someone who is currently, not okay.
