Hello
It’s me. I'll make it brief.
Since our first year of college has been completed, a certain thought has been camping out in the back of my mind:
"Do I still mean anything to you?"
Not that I’m trying to argue or anything, that I’m trying to cause issues where there aren’t any…. But in genuine curiosity… Am I still important to you?
For me, you all are very close to my heart. There were only a few of you come high school graduation who I knew I could trust and stick by my side, but even that belief changed by Fall of 2015.
Right before college, we were young and ready to spread our wings, meet new people, escape our childhoods, where we each felt trapped, lonely, voiceless, disliked. We were also scared, nervous, didn't know how to act... So we shut everyone else out. We were too busy shaping the foundation of our life for the next four years. We just wanted to forget about who we were 18 years prior to September (well, January, for me).
I don't want to point fingers here, shaming you all for cutting me and your other friends off.....I for sure have moved on with my own life, met new people, created a whole new world for myself as I went to college.
Obviously we all did that.
Within the process of growing up, we lose sight of who was there for us from the beginning, who vowed when we were 15 to be best friends forever. Sometimes, that doesn’t work out, and sometimes that’s okay.
It hurts. It hurts a lot to lose friends because of life happening. It literally is no one’s fault. You try to hold on with as tight of a grip you both can have, but sometimes letting go is the best way to grow up.
All those years at school, all the birthday parties, field trips, summer adventures, everything, none of it is actually gone. It’s just in the past. Hold onto those memories because back then we were young and free and careless and believed that we were invincible. Laughter was innocent, smiling was so pure and there was nothing to worry about.
Right now we each have our own struggles, keeping grades up, paying bills, applying for loans, relationships, difficult work schedules, family turmoil, you name it.
It’s okay that we’ve all become detached.
If I'm not on your top 10 list of people who matter most to you, that's alright. Sure, it stings, but I can't yell at you about pushing me to the side. Feeling replaced kind of sucks, but just know that on my end, no one can replace you guys. My college friends and I did not attend band camp together and did not sing karaoke into a cooking spoon that had a smiley face on it. No one will replace you. I've just found more convenient friends, as have you.
All I want to say is that it’s alright that we aren’t as close as we were before. It hurts yes, but there’s nothing any of us can really do about that other than trying our hardest to send a text every now and then, reminisce about something silly that happened a few years ago, or simply catch up.
I hope you all are doing well.
Maybe we’ll meet again someday at our 10-year reunion and half of us will either be successes or failures. I can’t wait to see the results.
Stay classy fellow nerds,
XO
Alan
