Alone.
Five letters, two syllables, one word. It's more than just a word though, isn't it? Alone is a feeling. Alone is a thought. Alone is a fear. No one wants to be alone; it goes against our very nature. Yet, with billions of people on this earth, technology to connect us all, and a burning lust to get away from it, alone still finds us. Alone is inevitable.
Alone is basically taboo language these days. The connotations that derive from it are all negative, unwanted, and just as scary. Lonely, loneliness, lonesome. These words are spoken in a whisper, for if said too loud, they may attack you like a virus. We wouldn't wish them on our worst enemies, and as bad as the plague, they should be avoided at all costs.
So, what does one do to keep it at bay? Fill all the gaps and crevices of our lives to the brim, leaving no room for emptiness. Then, replace that emptiness with friends, work, and other obligatory things that we endure. One of the first lessons learned in school is the buddy system. We are taught from a very young age that two is always better than one. Because that one is alone, and alone is never good.
At 20 years young, I have felt my share of loneliness. Two words for you: high school. One more word: girls. Enough said, am I right? We've all been there. At that age, we feared being alone more than anything else. Our next exam didn't matter if we walked into the cafeteria and had no one to eat lunch with. Why? In teenager terms: Sitting alone = no friends = freak (loser, weirdo, etc.)
As we entered college, the panic hit again. After working so hard for four years to escape being alone, we've been thrown right back at it's door, vulnerable and scared. Finding our place in this new life was crucial, and the cycle then continued.
Halfway through college myself, I have learned quite a bit. I have learned that even at this age, we still aren't always taken seriously. I now know that there is a hell, and it is called having class at 8 a.m. I also inquired that taking 19 shots on your 19th birthday will only lead to lots of puke and tears (and probably death if I came even close to taking that many). But, the greatest conclusion that I have drawn up these past two years is, that it is OK to be alone. Better yet, it should be embraced.
No matter how many friends you make or activities you join, you can (and will) still find yourself all alone. For some, it may be rare, but it will happen. Friends will let you down, activities will end, but we need to keep living. We need to rely less on others and more on ourselves. One of the greatest things about going to college is the opportunity to be on your own. So, instead of sad or scary, why can't alone mean independent? Why can't being by yourself show strength? When it comes down to it, we are individuals. Doing things for yourself, by yourself, should feel empowering.
I have this friend. She strayed away from the beaten path that we are set on from a young age to discover who she can be in this world. Needless to say, she is wonderful. She confessed her struggles with it, however. Of course, it wasn't easy and at times it felt like complete desolation. But, she said something to me that I will never forget for the rest of my life. She said, “I am learning to be alone without being lonely.”
To me, this is one of the most important lessons that we can learn as human beings. It may also be one of the most challenging. In order for this lesson to be learned, we must allow ourselves to be alone. Going against everything we may know, there is enough courage and wisdom in all of us to make it out alright. You will never truly know who you are if you do not let yourself find out, unassisted.
As you look toward the upcoming weeks and months of your life, consider those words that my friend spoke. Do not fear the idea of being alone. The feeling of loneliness does not mean you are lost or abandoned. Try walking to class without a group of friends to allow some time to think. Instead of texting three people for a coffee date, try going solo. Read a book, write, people watch, it doesn't matter. I guarantee your world will not shatter if you find yourself on your own from time to time. You may even realize just how capable you are without anyone else around.
