"A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome." The first time I came across this vague definition on Urban Dictionary after being told that I have "Anxiety" I made one of those ugly "are you kidding me?" faces, everyone has one of their own, let's be real. No, absolutely not anxiety cannot be described in eighteen words.
Anxiety is waking up from a completely normal sleep right before school and the first thing you feel is an uneasy feeling in your stomach and you have not a clue why. Anxiety is being at a friends house in the middle of a hilarious conversation where you're almost peeing your pants, but you have a lump in your throat for an unknown reason. Anxiety is going through numerous days with feelings that you are not sure where they're rooting from. Anxiety is wanting to stay home, all day and not go anywhere because you can't shake that eerie feeling you've had in your mind since you have woken. Anxiety is worrying yourself sick, literally over something that didn't even happen yet or that you have no control over. Overthinking really does kill, I don't know a thing that is more exhausting than it. You sit and you run through every single horrible scenario that could possibly happen and most of the time it never happens, ever.
Anxiety is needing too much reassurance from the ones you love and feeling bad because you know people shouldn't ask for reassurance this much. Anxiety is friends, family, anyone you care about thinking you are "miserable" or that you "have an attitude" when you don't realize what you're saying. The ones around you don't understand but can you blame them? I mean come on why would you act this way? You have a perfect life, you have everything you need, you're smart, funny, you have it all, and you know that. But you can't help it. "Calm down", oh that one makes me laugh a bit because don't you think we would if we could? The thing is we simply can't help it, cliche I know. The mental control of it just isn't there, our minds simply cannot fathom the possibility of something going wrong.
Anxiety can be compared to the statement of "oh if you smoke weed it's a gateway drug, you'll start on more serious drugs soon enough". Anxiety is a gateway to sadness and frustration. The frustration overwhelms you as you struggle to understand why you need to seek reassurance from the ones you love in order to feel the love. The sadness comes when you don't know why you feel this way, considering you have absolutely no reason in the world to. When you don't understand yourself, how do you explain it to other people? When it frustrates you how can you expect it to not frustrate others? It's like the whole "practice what you preach thing." How can I sit here and try to explain to you what it is like to have anxiety if I don't fully understand myself?
The truth is I don't think I'll ever understand, I don't think anyone will. No one should have to deal with an everyday internal conflict because life is simply too short and beautiful to be worried all the time. Although, we learn to accept the life we are given. Anxiety can't be described in 18 words, it still isn't in 650.
