It’s Never Goodbye.
Start writing a post
Relationships

It’s Never Goodbye.

Warning: you will need tissues. but it's Ryan's story through my eyes & I want to tell it

2144
It’s Never Goodbye.

I am not a writer by any means, but I want to write about someone that will forever hold a huge piece in my heart. This is not for sympathy, and I hate that I even have to point that out, but with the world we live in today, with all the unnecessary hate, it is needed. Ryan has been on my heart lately, and I just want to tell this story. :) So I guess I'll start with when Ryan came into my life. I was four. FOUR. Ryan was my sister's boyfriend. I was her little sister. He never treated me like it though, and really, I can't tell you that I really knew that's who he was. Any time Amanda (my sister) was there, Ryan was there. He wasn't just my sister's boyfriend, he was my brother. That's it, plain and simple. He could've easily blown my family off at family things, because really who wants to talk to a four year old, but he didn't. Growing up I watched Ryan help my dad around the house, he played on my swing set with me, and him and my mom would stay up and have conversations after everyone else had gone to bed. To say my family adored him would be an understatement. He was exceptional. Ryan went everywhere with us. EVERYWHERE. He was apart of our family. He was our family. Vacations, family functions, anywhere, he was there. He was in all the family photos. We teased him constantly about when he would propose to my sister and it was like seven years before he finally did.


Everyone is biased. With their boyfriend, with their mom, with their dog. Everyone's someone is “the best." Right? But no, not with Ryan. When I say Ryan was the best person I knew, I am not exaggerating. This is what makes all of this so dang hard. He was THE best. He didn't have a mean bone in his body. A smile that could light up any room, and the most contagious laugh. I hear it every day. I miss it. I think of all the times Ryan would crack up laughing at my mom, even when no one else would. I am not sure if he was trying to make her feel better or if he truly thought everything was funny, but his laugh made everyone laugh. It lit up any and every room. Everyone was a better person with him around. Ryan's story isn't something you can read and just feel. it's something you have to go through. I would not wish this upon my worst enemy.

After Amanda and Ryan had their first daughter, Claire, Ryan soon got cancer. I will never understand how the LAST person who deserved this nasty disease got it, but he did. When my time comes, that will be my first question. I'll never understand. Ryan will forever be my inspiration because he never once complained or asked why it had to be him when we all we're thinking it. He fought so freaking hard for these next two years, (and can I just say- how strong is my sister?). Fast forward to daughter number two- baby Cate. who came two weeks early. I am so glad she did. I believe to this day it was a God thing. Gosh, Ryan was such an amazing dad.

A month later was the last time I ever say Ryan. He had gotten to the point where he was too weak to really do anything besides lay on the couch. My parents and I were getting ready to leave their house in Kansas City and I went in to say goodbye to Ryan. Little did I know it would be the last time. I said "see ya later Ryan, love you" and then tried to fist bump him (because that's what we did). Instead of doing it back he sat up and said "I gotcha girl" and gave me a hug. If this doesn't tell you the kind of heart that guy had I don't know what does. It doesn't seem like much but he was SO sick and still wanted to give me a hug. Ryan was one of those once in a life time people. He was the light.

Two weeks later, my heart broke forever. Our hearts broke forever. You never think it'll happen to your family, until it does, and it did. It was May 9th, it was also my grandma Burr's birthday in heaven. What a great birthday present for her, right? My mom was in St. Louis at the hospital with my granddad who also had cancer, and my dad came home as I was pulling out of the drive way for school, and told me I needed to come inside.. and I just knew.

No one prepares you for this. My parents taught me everything I've ever needed to be prepared for in my 19 years of life, but not, not this. If you know my dad you know he comes off as this 6'2", loud, intimidating guy. In reality, he's a sensitive, teddy bear.. kinda.

No one prepares you for this kind of news. I knew it was coming, but I didn't want to hear it, so instead we just stood there in the drive way, hugging each other, and crying. No one prepares you for the day you have to watch your dad comfort your sister. Or the fact that your sister had to tell her daughter, even though she doesn't quite understand. There are so many things he is going to miss out on, and has missed out on, that he doesn't deserve to and I will never understand. Life is so short. You just never know. I wish he was here to watch his girls grow up especially. They are just as sweet as him and it makes my heart happy.

I think what made this situation better was all the support. The support Ryan's family got, my sister got, and what my family got. We had Ryan's celebration of life at Arrowhead, and it was packed. That place was full. My dad ended up telling his story of Ryan and I wish we had it recorded. This situation is the hardest situation my family has had to go through. 2018 was brutal to us and I can't imagine life getting much worse.

Thinking back on this year, I think of all the things Ryan had to miss out on. He should be here, but I know exactly where he is right now, pain free. They say Jesus takes the best ones first, and even though it's so hard to have faith through a time like this, that statement is true.Because I knew Ryan.

Ryan was my brother in a family full of girls. Always put everyone else first when he was sick. and he never made it about him, even though it was always in fact, about him. As long as I'm alive, I will keep him alive.. because it's never goodbye, always see you later. I know we will all see him later.

I hope he passed away knowing he will always be apart of our family, knowing he will see his girls again one day, and knowing that every person he met loved him with all their heart. 5.9.18, the hardest day of my life.

Ryan Owenby, forever ❤️

Report this Content

Being a pharmacy technician never held as many risks as it does now. Exposure too hazardous conditions were little to none, and garbing up was only conducted in IV compounding. But, now, in order to give nurses the medications they need to help their patients, they need us, pharmacy technicians.

Keep Reading... Show less

With no sign of the pandemic going anywhere, brides and grooms who planned to be married in 2020 are forced to opt for plan B — if not plan C or D. While some are downsizing their in-person weddings to meet coronavirus guidelines and state restrictions, others are choosing to cancel theirs until further notice and some, well, they're embracing the virtual "I do."

A few weekends ago, I had the pleasure of attending a Zoom wedding for my friend and fellow editor and writer, Kristin Magaldi, and the short-but-sweet ceremony left me in happy tears (surprise surprise). In order to get the scoop on what exactly went into planning a virtual wedding, I asked Kristin to share her best tips so other couples know exactly how to have a Zoom wedding in case they're looking to lean into the video chat vows, too.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

11 Reasons Why Getting A Cat Is The Best Thing You Can Do For Your Mental Health

Cats may mess up your puzzles but they'll always love you unconditionally — as long as you have some catnip, that is.

Scout Guarino

Alright, everyone, it's time to stop spreading the rumor that all cats are mean, aloof, and hate everyone. Like dogs, each cat has its own personality and tendencies. Some like a lot of attention, some like less — each person has to find the right cat for them. As for me, my cats Bienfu and Reptar have seen me at my worst, but they've also helped pull me out of it. They're a constant in my life and they give me the strength to get through the day in spite of my depression, and there's even scientific evidence to support it!

Keep Reading... Show less
Photo by Risen Wang on Unsplash

Maybe it was the quarantine months that sent you on a quest to finally find a workout routine that works for you, or maybe it was the lack of routine in the world that inspired you to change your habits or -for some- keep them and make an effort to maintain your health. If gyms were not already evolving with the new needs of the 21st-century gymgoer, they are undoubtedly evolving now with the lifestyle mindset that Covid-19 has left many of us with — a desire for a plan for a positive change seeing that tomorrow is not guaranteed.

The experience that an individual gets out of going to the gym should feel worth their time, energy, and should meet their specific fitness journey goals. If you do not already have a reason to go to the gym, here are ten genius effective implementations that will inspire even the couch-iest potato.

Keep Reading... Show less
Disney

I've always been a huge Disney villain fan — whether it was for their cryptic one-liners, enviable outfits, or sidekick banter. Some of the most iconic lines from cinematic history have been said by the characters we love to hate and occasionally dress up as once a year.

The fear-mongering Gaston I now find hilariously cringe-worthy is now charming and oftentimes considered by fans as rightfully justified in his actions. Die-hard fans of the Disney villain fan club claim alternate egos in their favorite evil characters, adopting their hilarious witticisms into everyday life.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Characters From Your Childhood That Combated The Mental Health Stigma

We deserve to see people like us on the big screen just as much as you do.

Perks of Being a Wallflower

Growing up with a neurodevelopment disorder and mental illness, it's easy to feel isolated from the rest of the world. It is not common to look around and see someone that experiences situations similar to the ones you endure. Even if you do come across a person that is also perceived to be "different" in the eyes of society, the negative connotations instilled in everyday life are quick to silence your voice and knock you down before you have a chance to realize that who you are is more than okay--it's normal. This is a big reason why anything that brings understanding and shines a light on what people with neurodevelopment disorders and mental illness go through on a regular basis comes around a sense of relief and happiness fills the body.

In light of this, I went on a hunt to find characters in television and cinema that accurately portray the complexities of developmental disorders and mental health.

Keep Reading... Show less

Anyone who goes to Panera Bread will tell you that their mac and cheese is to die for. If you're a huge fan of their mac and cheese, you won't believe the new recipe they're coming out with!

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

Epic Activewear Deals Every Leggings-Lover Needs To Know About From Nordstrom's Biggest Sale

Wearing my pleather Alo leggings till someone physically removes them from my body.

I'll be the first to admit I'm not an athletic person, at all. Since junior high school, I've been happily cheering my friends on at their football games and soccer matches from the sidelines as long as I could go home to my yoga mat and spend Sunday mornings at Pilates with my mom's friends.

Weekends are often spent in my casual wear, from the second I throw them on for morning meditation through running errands and evening walks. No, I won't be running a marathon or joining my friend's volleyball league anytime soon.

Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

I Asked My Boyfriend His Opinion On Liking Other Girls’ Pictures, And, Spoiler Alert, It's Cheating

"When you get into a relationship and you're in love, you have to realize that liking photos is for the single lifestyle."

Ladies, listen up. If you are in a relationship with a guy and he is liking other girls' pictures on social media, then it's a red flag. A man who can look at someone else and show interest by liking it means he doesn't care about your feelings AT ALL.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Luxury Fashion Buys Your Bank Account Couldn’t Justify Till This Year’s Nordstrom Anniversary Sale

In case you needed another reason to get the Prada sunnies you've been eyeing all year.

Since I can remember first flipping through my older cousin's fashion magazines as an 8-year-old, I've always had several luxury items on my wish list of items I knew I'd never have, but loved to fantasize about.

As I grew into financial independence later in life, the list grew longer, but the ways in which I could toy with my grocery or travel budget for a month to make room for something I really wanted made the items on it more attainable. Even then, I will (virtually) visit an item online several times in the span of a year to test if I still like it months after eyeing it, and to see if by any chance it may have gone on sale.

Keep Reading... Show less
Lifestyle

10 Curvy Women Of Color On Instagram Who Inspired Us All To Take More Confident Lingerie Selfies

Learn to embrace your body and stop comparing yourself to the "beauty" standard with the help of these beautiful models and bloggers.

It's not every day that you scroll on your timeline and see a body that resembles your own. With a beauty standard that has conditioned the minds of society to exclaim confidence!

When a fuller figure posts on social media — as if it's an extreme act of bravery to show yourself off if you're not under a size 6 — it's about time we take back our power and learn that we are enough just the way we are.

Keep Reading... Show less

First and foremost, shame on you for encouraging the patriarchy and sexism as you police a female's clothing choices. You cannot control our bodies, but what you can advocate for is public health and safety. This includes demoralizing rape, slut-shaming, and protecting society from illness.

Keep Reading... Show less

Picture this, we're settling into our date, the conversation is flowing, we're ordering drinks, laughing, and then it happens... the job convo.

Him: "So what do you do?"
Me: "I'm a dating and relationships editor."

Keep Reading... Show less

TikTok was banned by the president, but Instagram is here with its newest feature called Reel. Many of us are still wondering why TikTok was being banned in the first place. Was it all the dangerous TikTok trends? It was because of a security concern, but not in the way you might think.

TikTok is owned by Dancebyte, which is a China-owned company. Basically, just like any other app, TikTok collects the user's data. The main question to ask yourself when investing in any app or marketing tools who will be owning my data? So yes, China currently owns all the TikTok user's data worldwide.

Keep Reading... Show less

- I have extremely sensitive skin, which is why I have always resorted to a plant-based organic beauty line such as Radha Beauty.

- Radha Beauty won me over years ago when I was looking for organic skincare brands.

- I was so excited to see they launched a new line incorporating USDA organic rosehip oil, so when their PR team sent me some, I could not have been more thrilled.

- After a week of using the products, my face felt as smooth as a baby's, looked more glowy than ever, and even cured some of my summer sunburn.

Radha Beauty isn't just a best-selling beauty brand on Amazon — it's a USDA-certified organic beauty brand I live by, and anyone who knows me knows I am all about holistic wellness.

Typically, it only takes three days for me to tell if a skin product is working or not because I have extremely sensitive skin. It's also why I have always stuck by plant-based organic beauty lines such as Radha Beauty.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments