It’s Never Goodbye.
Start writing a post

It’s Never Goodbye.

Warning: you will need tissues. but it's Ryan's story through my eyes & I want to tell it

It’s Never Goodbye.

I am not a writer by any means, but I want to write about someone that will forever hold a huge piece in my heart. This is not for sympathy, and I hate that I even have to point that out, but with the world we live in today, with all the unnecessary hate, it is needed. Ryan has been on my heart lately, and I just want to tell this story. :) So I guess I'll start with when Ryan came into my life. I was four. FOUR. Ryan was my sister's boyfriend. I was her little sister. He never treated me like it though, and really, I can't tell you that I really knew that's who he was. Any time Amanda (my sister) was there, Ryan was there. He wasn't just my sister's boyfriend, he was my brother. That's it, plain and simple. He could've easily blown my family off at family things, because really who wants to talk to a four year old, but he didn't. Growing up I watched Ryan help my dad around the house, he played on my swing set with me, and him and my mom would stay up and have conversations after everyone else had gone to bed. To say my family adored him would be an understatement. He was exceptional. Ryan went everywhere with us. EVERYWHERE. He was apart of our family. He was our family. Vacations, family functions, anywhere, he was there. He was in all the family photos. We teased him constantly about when he would propose to my sister and it was like seven years before he finally did.

Everyone is biased. With their boyfriend, with their mom, with their dog. Everyone's someone is “the best." Right? But no, not with Ryan. When I say Ryan was the best person I knew, I am not exaggerating. This is what makes all of this so dang hard. He was THE best. He didn't have a mean bone in his body. A smile that could light up any room, and the most contagious laugh. I hear it every day. I miss it. I think of all the times Ryan would crack up laughing at my mom, even when no one else would. I am not sure if he was trying to make her feel better or if he truly thought everything was funny, but his laugh made everyone laugh. It lit up any and every room. Everyone was a better person with him around. Ryan's story isn't something you can read and just feel. it's something you have to go through. I would not wish this upon my worst enemy.

After Amanda and Ryan had their first daughter, Claire, Ryan soon got cancer. I will never understand how the LAST person who deserved this nasty disease got it, but he did. When my time comes, that will be my first question. I'll never understand. Ryan will forever be my inspiration because he never once complained or asked why it had to be him when we all we're thinking it. He fought so freaking hard for these next two years, (and can I just say- how strong is my sister?). Fast forward to daughter number two- baby Cate. who came two weeks early. I am so glad she did. I believe to this day it was a God thing. Gosh, Ryan was such an amazing dad.

A month later was the last time I ever say Ryan. He had gotten to the point where he was too weak to really do anything besides lay on the couch. My parents and I were getting ready to leave their house in Kansas City and I went in to say goodbye to Ryan. Little did I know it would be the last time. I said "see ya later Ryan, love you" and then tried to fist bump him (because that's what we did). Instead of doing it back he sat up and said "I gotcha girl" and gave me a hug. If this doesn't tell you the kind of heart that guy had I don't know what does. It doesn't seem like much but he was SO sick and still wanted to give me a hug. Ryan was one of those once in a life time people. He was the light.

Two weeks later, my heart broke forever. Our hearts broke forever. You never think it'll happen to your family, until it does, and it did. It was May 9th, it was also my grandma Burr's birthday in heaven. What a great birthday present for her, right? My mom was in St. Louis at the hospital with my granddad who also had cancer, and my dad came home as I was pulling out of the drive way for school, and told me I needed to come inside.. and I just knew.

No one prepares you for this. My parents taught me everything I've ever needed to be prepared for in my 19 years of life, but not, not this. If you know my dad you know he comes off as this 6'2", loud, intimidating guy. In reality, he's a sensitive, teddy bear.. kinda.

No one prepares you for this kind of news. I knew it was coming, but I didn't want to hear it, so instead we just stood there in the drive way, hugging each other, and crying. No one prepares you for the day you have to watch your dad comfort your sister. Or the fact that your sister had to tell her daughter, even though she doesn't quite understand. There are so many things he is going to miss out on, and has missed out on, that he doesn't deserve to and I will never understand. Life is so short. You just never know. I wish he was here to watch his girls grow up especially. They are just as sweet as him and it makes my heart happy.

I think what made this situation better was all the support. The support Ryan's family got, my sister got, and what my family got. We had Ryan's celebration of life at Arrowhead, and it was packed. That place was full. My dad ended up telling his story of Ryan and I wish we had it recorded. This situation is the hardest situation my family has had to go through. 2018 was brutal to us and I can't imagine life getting much worse.

Thinking back on this year, I think of all the things Ryan had to miss out on. He should be here, but I know exactly where he is right now, pain free. They say Jesus takes the best ones first, and even though it's so hard to have faith through a time like this, that statement is true.Because I knew Ryan.

Ryan was my brother in a family full of girls. Always put everyone else first when he was sick. and he never made it about him, even though it was always in fact, about him. As long as I'm alive, I will keep him alive.. because it's never goodbye, always see you later. I know we will all see him later.

I hope he passed away knowing he will always be apart of our family, knowing he will see his girls again one day, and knowing that every person he met loved him with all their heart. 5.9.18, the hardest day of my life.

Ryan Owenby, forever ❤️

Report this Content
Robert Bye on Unsplash

I live by New York City and I am so excited for all of the summer adventures.

Keep Reading... Show less

The invention of photography

The history of photography is the recount of inventions, scientific discoveries and technical improvements that allowed human beings to capture an image on a photosensitive surface for the first time, using light and certain chemical elements that react with it.


The history of photography is the recount of inventions, scientific discoveries and technical improvements that allowed human beings to capture an image on a photosensitive surface for the first time, using light and certain chemical elements that react with it.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Exposing Kids To Nature Is The Best Way To Get Their Creative Juices Flowing

Constantly introducing young children to the magical works of nature will further increase the willingness to engage in playful activities as well as broaden their interactions with their peers


Whenever you are feeling low and anxious, just simply GO OUTSIDE and embrace nature! According to a new research study published in Frontiers in Psychology, being connected to nature and physically touching animals and flowers enable children to be happier and altruistic in nature. Not only does nature exert a bountiful force on adults, but it also serves as a therapeutic antidote to children, especially during their developmental years.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

5 Simple Ways To Give Yourself Grace, Especially When Life Gets Hard

Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we are becoming.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

If there's one thing I'm absolutely terrible at, it's giving myself grace. I'm easily my own worst critic in almost everything that I do. I'm a raging perfectionist, and I have unrealistic expectations for myself at times. I can remember simple errors I made years ago, and I still hold on to them. The biggest thing I'm trying to work on is giving myself grace. I've realized that when I don't give myself grace, I miss out on being human. Even more so, I've realized that in order to give grace to others, I need to learn how to give grace to myself, too. So often, we let perfection dominate our lives without even realizing it. I've decided to change that in my own life, and I hope you'll consider doing that, too. Grace begins with a simple awareness of who we are and who we're becoming. As you read through these five affirmations and ways to give yourself grace, I hope you'll take them in. Read them. Write them down. Think about them. Most of all, I hope you'll use them to encourage yourself and realize that you are never alone and you always have the power to change your story.

Keep Reading... Show less

Breaking Down The Beginning, Middle, And End of Netflix's Newest 'To All The Boys' Movie

Noah Centineo and Lana Condor are back with the third and final installment of the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" series


Were all teenagers and twenty-somethings bingeing the latest "To All The Boys: Always and Forever" last night with all of their friends on their basement TV? Nope? Just me? Oh, how I doubt that.

I have been excited for this movie ever since I saw the NYC skyline in the trailer that was released earlier this year. I'm a sucker for any movie or TV show that takes place in the Big Apple.

Keep Reading... Show less

4 Ways To Own Your Story, Because Every Bit Of It Is Worth Celebrating

I hope that you don't let your current chapter stop you from pursuing the rest of your story.

Photo by Manny Moreno on Unsplash

Every single one of us has a story.

I don't say that to be cliché. I don't say that to give you a false sense of encouragement. I say that to be honest. I say that to be real.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

How Young Feminists Can Understand And Subvert The Internalized Male Gaze

Women's self-commodification, applied through oppression and permission, is an elusive yet sexist characteristic of a laissez-faire society, where women solely exist to be consumed. (P.S. justice for Megan Fox)

Paramount Pictures

Within various theories of social science and visual media, academics present the male gaze as a nebulous idea during their headache-inducing meta-discussions. However, the internalized male gaze is a reality, which is present to most people who identify as women. As we mature, we experience realizations of the perpetual male gaze.

Keep Reading... Show less

It's Important To Remind Yourself To Be Open-Minded And Embrace All Life Has To Offer

Why should you be open-minded when it is so easy to be close-minded?


Open-mindedness. It is something we all need a reminder of some days. Whether it's in regards to politics, religion, everyday life, or rarities in life, it is crucial to be open-minded. I want to encourage everyone to look at something with an unbiased and unfazed point of view. I oftentimes struggle with this myself.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments