There are some nightmares you never want to come true, nor could imagine, especially when you can't just close your eyes and go back to sleep. November 26th, 2017 was the day we brought you to the Hospital.
My world came crashing down within a matter of 10 days.
You never realize how precious life is until someone who brought you into this world, is gone. Someone who loved you unconditionally even with all the obstacles he had to overcome, throughout his life in America. The endless thoughts came to my head, as I came to the realization that I would never get to hear your voice again, hug you, be around you, but what hurt the most was that I never knew how much pain you truly were in mentally and physically. You were a strong father. The strongest man i knew.
When you're 18 years old, heading into your sophomore year of college, the last thing one could expect is entering one of the most important years without your hero by your side.
Since I was a little girl I built a life in my head and had big dreams of graduating college, falling in love, experiencing the daddy-daughter dance at my wedding one day. Raising children in this crazy world the way his parents raised him, his values, his love, with him by my side, and creating my own legacy. But as most know, life happens and tragedies occur. Unfortunately, mine just happened to occur, right when my life was about to take off.
The day I lost you, my heart had officially experienced true heartbreak.
A feeling that I could've never fathomed, I couldn't shake the thought that I was never going to see you again. There wasn't going to be anymore I Love you Poo, endless talks on the phone about life and where it was going, or the simple fact that I would never have a dad that was by my side through my roller coaster of a life.
Your first birthday, my first, Christmas, my cousins beautiful wedding that will be in a year, taking my fiance to Poland to meet the family, our wedding and me entering the "real" world without you guiding me on what the heck to do.
It's hard to believe it's been two years when every day I feel a piece of me missing and knowing that there will forever be a hole in my heart. No one prepares you for this, not even you could've prepared me for this and it's the scariest feeling in the world knowing, you are gone forever.
I'm terrified that one day, life will get to complicated, and I won't be able to remember what your hugs feel like, your old shirts that still have your scent on them will slowly fade, and your voice will disappear as I remember you telling me the last time you loved me.
I will never truly understand why you were taken from me at such a young age and to be honest I don't think I will ever accept it. It's been two years, and I still imagine waking up from this nightmare I feel like I've been living because even though there are really good days, there will always be that hole, I have to live with.
It hurts to write this because it feels as if yesterday I could pick up the phone and talk to you about anything ..
I just want to thank you for giving me the best life your little girl could've ever imagined, the best morals, the best of friends I can ALWAYS count on, but most importantly all of our memories we experienced together for the 18 years of my life. Teaching me how to drive in an open field In the middle of absolute no where, telling me to always carry a few bucks with me just Incase of an emergency, to never care what people say about you, and finally to always be the bigger person even if someone is good at covering up the truth.
I WILL continue to make you proud
You would be proud of me. Of who I am becoming and all the positive changes I've made to grow as a women. To start a family of my own. With the values you drilled in me. I can't wait to be a mom and a wife. I can't wait to continue to make you proud. I will always be your Poo, and your daddy's little girl.
I would do anything just to get get to hear your voice again, but, just know, I will be okay because I know you are with me, even at the hardest times. You raised a warrior and I will forever try to make you proud of me.
I Love you Dad
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