Online Dating In The Modern World Is Far From Perfect, Proceed With Caution

Online Dating In The Modern World Is Far From Perfect, Proceed With Caution

“How about you give me head while we wait for your Alaskan pipeline to freeze” started flowing in (I don’t recommend looking that up).
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Ladies, I get it. There are a lot of less than savory guys out there, many of whom pretend to be good, moral people. Well, at least up until the moment they either get in your pants or see that you aren’t interested in just a one-time thing.

That’s when ghosting usually kicks in. Trust me, it isn’t just you that has to put up with their actions. They’re the bane of my existence as well, and make life that much more complicated for all of us. Unfortunately, modern dating culture seems to give them a leg up in approaching you, causing you to have to put up with them more often, and guys like me to be judged based on their actions.

It’s no surprise that in a time as busy and fast-paced as the one we live in, people are turning to online dating rather than going out during the little free time they have to try and possibly meet someone that they may or may not click with at all. While that’s all well and good, there seems to be an issue innately inherent in this kind of dating.

What do OkCupid, Tinder, Bumble, and even Grindr all have in common? The mechanic of swiping to help create matches and denote who you like and dislike. While this certainly is efficient and time-saving, it also causes very surface level judgments to be made.

The first thing that people see on these apps is your profile picture.

Immediately, whether consciously or unconsciously, users will make a split second judgment about you based purely on your looks.

Don’t really appeal to them and their particular preferences? Chances are, it’s an immediate left swipe. Look hotter than napalm being dropped on the surface of the sun? You are probably getting a right swipe and maybe even a super like.

Fall somewhere in between? Either a judgment call is made or, at this point, the person will actually bother to look at your profile and make a decision based on its contents.

Other than the fact that this leads to extremely shallow judgments, this culture also creates a breeding ground for douche bag guys with sex on the brain. These guys will swipe on nearly anyone their they think they can screw. To test this theory, a friend of mine even filled her bio with ridiculously off-putting nonsense to see if anyone would be deterred.

Instead, it just seemed to egg them on as messages of "I’m totally into bestiality too” and “How about I stop at Party City to pick up a clown custom on my way over to your place ;)” and disturbingly even “How about you give me head while we wait for your Alaskan pipeline to freeze” started flowing in (I don’t recommend looking that up).

It just showed that these guys will stop at nothing to get laid.

It’s not only sad but physically sickening to see the effects that one of these guys can have on a woman. Not only have I seen it in my friends, but also romantic interests that have talked to me about their past experiences. These guys take a woman’s trust and use it to their advantage, bending and twisting it until it snaps.

In some cases, they even take from a woman one of the most sacred things she has: her virginity. Even if the girl isn’t a virgin though, and one of these guys manipulates her into sleeping with him, that can still be extremely damaging.

It can leave her feeling violated, used, and like she is only worth what her body can do.

These women suffer hit after hit to their self-esteem and often even start to question their own worth as a human. These guys can cause women to question everything about any future man that shows interest in them and make them wonder if the next guy is just like all the others.

So what impact does this have on guys like me? Obviously, I am certainly not the victim here, women in general are. However, often I’m unfortunately assumed to be a sex-crazed guy, simply because I am a guy. The number of times that I’ve heard the phrase, “You are just going to ghost me like everyone else” literally breaks my heart.

The fact of the matter is, I don’t ghost anyone ever, and I certainly don’t use girls for sex. This may surprise a lot of people, but I’m not really too interested in sex at all, at least not until well into a relationship. Emotional connections are what matter to me the most.

And no, I’m not gay, I’m not asexual, and I’m not a freak, I just truly believe that sex should be used to strengthen bonds made by emotional connections, not used to create those bonds. So until there are any bonds to strengthen, I’m not interested.

I’m also not the only guy that thinks this way. Though it may not seem that way at times, there are a ton of us out there. The issue is that other guys with impure intentions imitate us, trying to pretend long enough to gain the very trust they seek to abuse. Due to this, us actually good guys are very rarely given a chance.

Now, I’m not claiming to be perfect, or that any other guy is either. Everyone makes mistakes and has there flaws, I have more than I could possibly count myself. But the one thing I can say is this: ladies, there are guys out there like me that will not abuse your trust or set out to hurt you.

While you should always be cautious who you trust, also be willing to give us a chance, and don’t make snap judgments about all guys based on the many pricks out there. I swear, some of us really do have good intentions.

Cover Image Credit: @couplegoals

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Why Girls Love The Dad Bod

If your man can rock the dad bod, he's a keeper.

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In case you haven't noticed lately, girls are all about that dad bod.

Girls have been dealing with body image issues since the beginning of time until recent (for those of you who consider yourselves to be "Thick thin") I hadn't heard about this body type until my roommate mentioned it. She used to be crazy over guys she claimed had the dad bod.

After observing the guys she found attractive, I came to understand this body type well and was able to identify it. The dad bod is a nice balance between a beer gut and working out. The dad bod says, "I go to the gym occasionally, but I also drink heavily on the weekends and enjoy eating eight slices of pizza at a time." It's not an overweight guy, but it isn't one with washboard abs, either.

The dad bod is a new trend and fraternity boys everywhere seem to be rejoicing. Turns out skipping the gym for a few brews last Thursday after class turned out to be in their favor. While we all love a sculpted guy, there is just something about the dad bod that makes boys seem more human, natural, and attractive. Here are a few reasons that girls are crazy about the dad bod.

It doesn't intimidate us.
Few things are worse than taking a picture in a bathing suit, one being taking a picture in a bathing suit with a guy who is crazy fit. We don't want a guy that makes us feel insecure about our body. We are insecure enough as it is. We don't need a perfectly sculpted guy standing next to us to make us feel worse.

SEE ALSO: Slim Thick Is The New Thin

We like being the pretty one.
We love people saying "they look cute together." But we still like being the center of attention. We want to look skinny and the bigger the guy, the smaller we feel and the better we look next to you in a picture.

Better cuddling.
No one wants to cuddle with a rock. Or Edward Cullen. The end.

Good eats.
The dad bod says he doesn't meal prep every Sunday night so if you want to go to Taco Tuesday or $4 pitcher Wednesday, he'd be totally down. He's not scared of a cheat meal because he eats just about anything and everything.

You know what you're getting.
Girls tend to picture their future together with their guys early on. Therefore, if he already has the dad bod going on, we can get used to it before we date him, marry him, have three kids. We know what we are getting into when he's got the same exact body type at the age of 22 that he's going to have at 45.


So there you go. A simple break down of why girls everywhere are going nuts over this body type on males. We like it. We love it. We want some more of it. So here's to you dad bods, keep it up. Men, confidently strut that gut on the beach because while you stare at us in our bikinis we will be staring just as hard.

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Don't Let Your Fear Of Relationships Get In The Way Of Your Happiness

The line "It's not you, it's me," basically describes my life.

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So here it is. An explanation as to why social and dating lives can be a literal mess.

If you are anything like me, relationships are very difficult. Something about the possibility of hurting someone or being hurt is generally a big issue. Just the thought of hurting another person who has been nothing but wonderful to me is a daunting fear of mine that I can not seem to shake. Or being so in your head thinking you will be equally hurt at any given moment is even worse in some cases. The fear of getting attached to someone and then your entire world crashing during a break up is definitely scary.

Not to mention that even everyday anxiety can cause relationship issues. Anxiety comes in many forms. It definitely is not limited to just being nervous or having a panic attack. Sometimes anxiety is as simple as thinking about something for too long and before you know it, your heart is beating uncontrollably for what seems like no reason at all.

Recently I have been having a lot of these issues. The overthinking, confusion, and fear; overthinking about whether or not you and your S.O. are really going to work (when there are no reasons whatsoever that you wouldn't work); being confused about what you are or what you may possibly mess up; and if your anxiety and constant fear about relationships will eventually drive that significant other away. Whatever your tick may be, I am here to tell you that is not the end of the world.

If you are (for some reason) having any doubts or worries about your current relationship, talk to your boyfriend/girlfriend. DO NOT go throughout every single day constantly "wondering" and never give yourself any answers. The worst thing to do is trying to solve these problems (that may not really even be true problems) by yourself. Talking from experience, even if you don't want to talk to your SO about these thoughts, there is always someone willing to listen. Whether it be your best friend, your mom, whomever, these worries will not go away without talking them out.

Don't let your anxieties get the best of you. Majority of the time your partner is more than willing to hear you out instead of ignoring your concerns. Taking the time to explain where your head is at is good for the both of you. It allows you to vent what is on your chest and also gives your significant other a little insight as to what you are going through or thinking about rather than both of you being clueless about the other.

If you are someone who struggles with attachment and anxieties while dating, believe me, you are not alone. I, as well as MANY others, I'm sure, go through the same things. Without a doubt, I can tell whoever is reading this, nearly every couple goes through this at least once, if not more in their relationship. Don't fret, it is completely normal for this to be an experience for you and your partner.

So remember: Talk things out. Express yourself. And most importantly, don't worry unless you absolutely have to.

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