Online Dating In The Modern World Is Far From Perfect, Proceed With Caution

Online Dating In The Modern World Is Far From Perfect, Proceed With Caution

“How about you give me head while we wait for your Alaskan pipeline to freeze” started flowing in (I don’t recommend looking that up).

Ladies, I get it. There are a lot of less than savory guys out there, many of whom pretend to be good, moral people. Well, at least up until the moment they either get in your pants or see that you aren’t interested in just a one-time thing.

That’s when ghosting usually kicks in. Trust me, it isn’t just you that has to put up with their actions. They’re the bane of my existence as well, and make life that much more complicated for all of us. Unfortunately, modern dating culture seems to give them a leg up in approaching you, causing you to have to put up with them more often, and guys like me to be judged based on their actions.

It’s no surprise that in a time as busy and fast-paced as the one we live in, people are turning to online dating rather than going out during the little free time they have to try and possibly meet someone that they may or may not click with at all. While that’s all well and good, there seems to be an issue innately inherent in this kind of dating.

What do OkCupid, Tinder, Bumble, and even Grindr all have in common? The mechanic of swiping to help create matches and denote who you like and dislike. While this certainly is efficient and time-saving, it also causes very surface level judgments to be made.

The first thing that people see on these apps is your profile picture.

Immediately, whether consciously or unconsciously, users will make a split second judgment about you based purely on your looks.

Don’t really appeal to them and their particular preferences? Chances are, it’s an immediate left swipe. Look hotter than napalm being dropped on the surface of the sun? You are probably getting a right swipe and maybe even a super like.

Fall somewhere in between? Either a judgment call is made or, at this point, the person will actually bother to look at your profile and make a decision based on its contents.

Other than the fact that this leads to extremely shallow judgments, this culture also creates a breeding ground for douche bag guys with sex on the brain. These guys will swipe on nearly anyone their they think they can screw. To test this theory, a friend of mine even filled her bio with ridiculously off-putting nonsense to see if anyone would be deterred.

Instead, it just seemed to egg them on as messages of "I’m totally into bestiality too” and “How about I stop at Party City to pick up a clown custom on my way over to your place ;)” and disturbingly even “How about you give me head while we wait for your Alaskan pipeline to freeze” started flowing in (I don’t recommend looking that up).

It just showed that these guys will stop at nothing to get laid.

It’s not only sad but physically sickening to see the effects that one of these guys can have on a woman. Not only have I seen it in my friends, but also romantic interests that have talked to me about their past experiences. These guys take a woman’s trust and use it to their advantage, bending and twisting it until it snaps.

In some cases, they even take from a woman one of the most sacred things she has: her virginity. Even if the girl isn’t a virgin though, and one of these guys manipulates her into sleeping with him, that can still be extremely damaging.

It can leave her feeling violated, used, and like she is only worth what her body can do.

These women suffer hit after hit to their self-esteem and often even start to question their own worth as a human. These guys can cause women to question everything about any future man that shows interest in them and make them wonder if the next guy is just like all the others.

So what impact does this have on guys like me? Obviously, I am certainly not the victim here, women in general are. However, often I’m unfortunately assumed to be a sex-crazed guy, simply because I am a guy. The number of times that I’ve heard the phrase, “You are just going to ghost me like everyone else” literally breaks my heart.

The fact of the matter is, I don’t ghost anyone ever, and I certainly don’t use girls for sex. This may surprise a lot of people, but I’m not really too interested in sex at all, at least not until well into a relationship. Emotional connections are what matter to me the most.

And no, I’m not gay, I’m not asexual, and I’m not a freak, I just truly believe that sex should be used to strengthen bonds made by emotional connections, not used to create those bonds. So until there are any bonds to strengthen, I’m not interested.

I’m also not the only guy that thinks this way. Though it may not seem that way at times, there are a ton of us out there. The issue is that other guys with impure intentions imitate us, trying to pretend long enough to gain the very trust they seek to abuse. Due to this, us actually good guys are very rarely given a chance.

Now, I’m not claiming to be perfect, or that any other guy is either. Everyone makes mistakes and has there flaws, I have more than I could possibly count myself. But the one thing I can say is this: ladies, there are guys out there like me that will not abuse your trust or set out to hurt you.

While you should always be cautious who you trust, also be willing to give us a chance, and don’t make snap judgments about all guys based on the many pricks out there. I swear, some of us really do have good intentions.

Cover Image Credit: @couplegoals

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To Everyone Who Hasn't Had Sex Yet, Wait For Marriage, It's The Right Move

If you have not had sex yet, wait.


Premarital sex is not a new concept, no matter how much people like to pretend it is. You can trace scripture and historical texts back thousands of year to see that lust and fornication have been a problem since… well, since we humans have been problems.

They tell you in sex ed that sex causes you to form a bond with someone. They throw some big chemical names at you that are apparently in your body and cause that emotional attachment to happen, then you move on (or back to) how important condoms are and why STDs are so scary.

As a middle schooler or teenager, you can't understand what it means to become permanently connected to someone as a result of a quick, physical act.

If you haven't even had your first kiss, you really can't imagine what it's like to develop such a complex and intimate connection with someone because you have yet to feel the butterflies in your stomach from a kiss. So you really don't know what it's like to have a whole different type of feeling in your stomach.

You never forget your first love. It's one of the most cliche things you consistently hear, but it's true. Ask anyone. I guarantee your parents can still spurt out their first love's name in a few seconds. And most people never forget their first time. I know all my friends can recount that often awkward and slightly terrifying moment as if it happened an hour ago. When you mix those two, especially if you are in your teens, oh boy.

You never forget that. No matter how hard you try.

Everything you hear about sex is true: it's amazing, fantastic, life-changing, etc. There's a reason people have done it as frequently as they do, for as long as they have. But every time you sleep with someone, you leave a piece of yourself with them. Every time you choose to take that final physical step with someone, you cannot go back and collect that piece of your dignity and soul that you left with someone.

So, imagine what happens when you break up with someone you've slept with. Or that you just hooked up with. You have given someone a little slice of yourself forever. And you can never get it back. And imagine what happens when you do that multiple times. You give a piece of yourself to five, 10, 15, 20 or more people. Then you meet the person that you want to spend forever with. And you no longer have that whole part of you. You've given pieces away, and you can no longer give those to the love of your life.

So, save those pieces for your future spouse.

If you have not had sex yet, wait. If you have, consider not giving more pieces of yourself away to people who are not your spouse. Sex was created to be between two spouses, nobody else. So we need to try to maintain its integrity.

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Poetry On Odyssey: Naughty Or Nice

Santa tell me


Santa tell me

Because I've been wondering

If I open up

And by open up

I don't mean a package

Or a bottle of wine

I mean, my heart

It's perfect

Sometimes it's tainted with guilt

But it's kind

It's scared

But still kind

And it's looking for hope

For change

A chance to make a difference

A brighter world for you, Santa

To make everyday feel like Christmas

And yet I still wonder, day after day

Am I being naughty?

I really hope I'm being nice

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