Online Dating In The Modern World Is Far From Perfect, Proceed With Caution

Online Dating In The Modern World Is Far From Perfect, Proceed With Caution

“How about you give me head while we wait for your Alaskan pipeline to freeze” started flowing in (I don’t recommend looking that up).
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Ladies, I get it. There are a lot of less than savory guys out there, many of whom pretend to be good, moral people. Well, at least up until the moment they either get in your pants or see that you aren’t interested in just a one-time thing.

That’s when ghosting usually kicks in. Trust me, it isn’t just you that has to put up with their actions. They’re the bane of my existence as well, and make life that much more complicated for all of us. Unfortunately, modern dating culture seems to give them a leg up in approaching you, causing you to have to put up with them more often, and guys like me to be judged based on their actions.

It’s no surprise that in a time as busy and fast-paced as the one we live in, people are turning to online dating rather than going out during the little free time they have to try and possibly meet someone that they may or may not click with at all. While that’s all well and good, there seems to be an issue innately inherent in this kind of dating.

What do OkCupid, Tinder, Bumble, and even Grindr all have in common? The mechanic of swiping to help create matches and denote who you like and dislike. While this certainly is efficient and time-saving, it also causes very surface level judgments to be made.

The first thing that people see on these apps is your profile picture.

Immediately, whether consciously or unconsciously, users will make a split second judgment about you based purely on your looks.

Don’t really appeal to them and their particular preferences? Chances are, it’s an immediate left swipe. Look hotter than napalm being dropped on the surface of the sun? You are probably getting a right swipe and maybe even a super like.

Fall somewhere in between? Either a judgment call is made or, at this point, the person will actually bother to look at your profile and make a decision based on its contents.

Other than the fact that this leads to extremely shallow judgments, this culture also creates a breeding ground for douche bag guys with sex on the brain. These guys will swipe on nearly anyone their they think they can screw. To test this theory, a friend of mine even filled her bio with ridiculously off-putting nonsense to see if anyone would be deterred.

Instead, it just seemed to egg them on as messages of "I’m totally into bestiality too” and “How about I stop at Party City to pick up a clown custom on my way over to your place ;)” and disturbingly even “How about you give me head while we wait for your Alaskan pipeline to freeze” started flowing in (I don’t recommend looking that up).

It just showed that these guys will stop at nothing to get laid.

It’s not only sad but physically sickening to see the effects that one of these guys can have on a woman. Not only have I seen it in my friends, but also romantic interests that have talked to me about their past experiences. These guys take a woman’s trust and use it to their advantage, bending and twisting it until it snaps.

In some cases, they even take from a woman one of the most sacred things she has: her virginity. Even if the girl isn’t a virgin though, and one of these guys manipulates her into sleeping with him, that can still be extremely damaging.

It can leave her feeling violated, used, and like she is only worth what her body can do.

These women suffer hit after hit to their self-esteem and often even start to question their own worth as a human. These guys can cause women to question everything about any future man that shows interest in them and make them wonder if the next guy is just like all the others.

So what impact does this have on guys like me? Obviously, I am certainly not the victim here, women in general are. However, often I’m unfortunately assumed to be a sex-crazed guy, simply because I am a guy. The number of times that I’ve heard the phrase, “You are just going to ghost me like everyone else” literally breaks my heart.

The fact of the matter is, I don’t ghost anyone ever, and I certainly don’t use girls for sex. This may surprise a lot of people, but I’m not really too interested in sex at all, at least not until well into a relationship. Emotional connections are what matter to me the most.

And no, I’m not gay, I’m not asexual, and I’m not a freak, I just truly believe that sex should be used to strengthen bonds made by emotional connections, not used to create those bonds. So until there are any bonds to strengthen, I’m not interested.

I’m also not the only guy that thinks this way. Though it may not seem that way at times, there are a ton of us out there. The issue is that other guys with impure intentions imitate us, trying to pretend long enough to gain the very trust they seek to abuse. Due to this, us actually good guys are very rarely given a chance.

Now, I’m not claiming to be perfect, or that any other guy is either. Everyone makes mistakes and has there flaws, I have more than I could possibly count myself. But the one thing I can say is this: ladies, there are guys out there like me that will not abuse your trust or set out to hurt you.

While you should always be cautious who you trust, also be willing to give us a chance, and don’t make snap judgments about all guys based on the many pricks out there. I swear, some of us really do have good intentions.

Cover Image Credit: @couplegoals

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Plan These 13 Dates For Your Girlfriend This Fall And Thank Me Later

Listen up, guys.

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If you are a boy and you are reading this, plan one of these dates and you'll make your girlfriend the happiest person alive. Yeah, you can thank me later.

1. Go to a pumpkin patch.

This may be super basic but who doesn't want a cute little pumpkin around Halloween time. Usually, you will take a hayride to the pumpkin patch which is always a nice time to spend together. It will also be really cute seeing how excited she gets over finding the perfect little pumpkin.

2. Go on a hayride.

If you go to a pumpkin patch you may have the opportunity to go on a hayride and you definitely should! You will get to see all around the farm and the scenery is usually beautiful in the fall with the leaves changing colors!

3. Go apple picking.

This date will always allow for a cute photo shoot opportunity and everyone will be able to see your Insta post later captioned "the apple of my eye." Also, if you love apples what better place to get them then a local farm where you pick them yourself! Make sure you check your local farm to see when your favorite apples will be ready for harvest!

4. Bake something together.

There are so many amazing recipes for fall, apple pie being one of them. Which will be the perfect thing to bake with your S.O. after apple picking (two dates in one)!

5. Go to a local festival.

No matter where you are from there are probably a ton of local festivals around you throughout the fall. Whether it is a food festival, fall fest, music festival or even a lantern festival all of them are usually a perfect date. You can experience new things together and enjoy the fall weather.

6. Go to a football game.

Whether it is high school, college, or a professional football game any football is good football in the fall. Between a fun tailgate and an exciting game, if you are into sports football is the way to go.

7. Walk or hike around a state park.

No matter where you are from there are always state parks around you! Fall is the perfect time to go on an outdoor because it's not too hot to too cold. The scenery is always beautiful with all of the leaves changing colors. If there is a lake you could always go kayaking or paddle boating!

8. Visit your local farm.

A lot of local farms have fresh veggies, apples, baked goods and of course pumpkins! Also, check and see if your local farm has any fall family days. On those days they usually have a lot of fun activities, animals, hayrides, corn mazes, pumpkins and if you're lucky they'll have amazing apple cider donuts!

9. Stay in for a cozy movie day.

With Freeform starting their 31 days of Halloween this leads to the perfect excuse for a night on the couch. Pick out your favorite Halloween movie, make some popcorn and have some warm apple cider while cuddling up on the couch.

10. Visit a haunted house.

If you are down for something a little scarier then a Halloween movie, check out a haunted house near yours. It could even be a haunted hayride or haunted corn maze.

11. Take her out to breakfast.

Girls are always down for a cute breakfast date. Especially when you can roll out of beds in your sweats and keep them on in the cozy fall weather.

12. Spend a night carving pumpkins.

Once Halloween rolls around you should grab a cheap carving supplies kit, roll up your sleeves, and carve a cute pumpkin together. Whether you write your initials or create a jack-o-lantern it will probably be full of fun memories of pulling out pumpkin guts.

13. Go to a Halloween party.

Take some time and hit up Pinterest for a super cute couples costume and eat all the candy you possibly can!

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Sure, Condoms Don't Feel As Good As Nothing, But Nothing Feels Better Than Safe Sex

You want to do it, but at least be safe.

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Let's talk about sex.

Condoms are great. I love them. You should too. They reduce the chances of pregnancy and contracting a sexually transmitted infection. When you're doing it with a person you met online or met just recently in person, they're the cheapest form of protection. They're not 100 percent reliable when it comes to minimizing the risk that a sperm fertilizes an egg and that zygote implants itself in your uterus, so I like taking another form of birth control just as a backup. Watch season 1 or 2 of "Weeds" if you want to be spooked a bit.

The academic year has just started, and if you're meeting new people who you want to have sexual relations with, it's important that respect is established. You're letting someone use parts of you for sexual pleasure and vice versa. They're not entitled to those parts, and if someone wants to use a condom, don't argue with them.

It doesn't matter what kind of birth control they have, or how good they are at pulling out. It's scary when accidents happen, and it's scary to see your body changing and not knowing if it's just weight gain or pregnancy, or it it's a heat rash or an infection you may be spreading to others.

I've had potential sexual partners refuse to wear condoms, and I left them because I wasn't going to let them inside of my body because, "the condom was too small." As a woman, I can't leave a pregnancy like guys can, and if given the choice to protect myself from contracting a sexually transmitted infection, I will take it, and I won't let anyone try to make me feel guilty about it.

No one should have to convince someone else for respect, especially when you're participating in an act where so much could happen physically, not to mention emotionally. Most people probably feel the most vulnerable when they're having sex. It might not be the case for all people, but if someone asks to use protection, don't argue with them about it. And if someone refuses to listen to you and respect you, walk away. There are plenty of other people out in the world who will respect you, and you shouldn't have to settle for less when your health can be affected.

When I first started dating an ex and he found out I had an intrauterine device, he immediately started putting together a presentation about why we should stop using condoms. It didn't matter to him when I said I didn't fully trust my IUD or that I was very uncomfortable with not using them. If he decided he didn't want to pull out, and my IUD failed, and I would be the one who got pregnant and had to deal with it, not him. He could choose to be supportive and stay with me through it, or he could block me on all social media platforms and Spotify.

It was a red flag that he didn't respect me, but that made me realize I didn't fully trust him. If he respected me, it wouldn't have been up for debate, and he wouldn't have tried to use my birth control against me to make me think I was being irrational. It's correct that IUD's are effective 99.9 percent of the time, but I didn't want to be the 0.01 percent who experience its failure.

Condoms don't feel the best (yes, girls feel them too), but I prefer using them because I feel safer, especially if I'm engaging in an intimate act with someone whose sexual history I don't know completely.

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