Ladies, I get it. There are a lot of less than savory guys out there, many of whom pretend to be good, moral people. Well, at least up until the moment they either get in your pants or see that you aren’t interested in just a one-time thing.
That’s when ghosting usually kicks in. Trust me, it isn’t just you that has to put up with their actions. They’re the bane of my existence as well, and make life that much more complicated for all of us. Unfortunately, modern dating culture seems to give them a leg up in approaching you, causing you to have to put up with them more often, and guys like me to be judged based on their actions.
It’s no surprise that in a time as busy and fast-paced as the one we live in, people are turning to online dating rather than going out during the little free time they have to try and possibly meet someone that they may or may not click with at all. While that’s all well and good, there seems to be an issue innately inherent in this kind of dating.
What do OkCupid, Tinder, Bumble, and even Grindr all have in common? The mechanic of swiping to help create matches and denote who you like and dislike. While this certainly is efficient and time-saving, it also causes very surface level judgments to be made.
The first thing that people see on these apps is your profile picture.
Immediately, whether consciously or unconsciously, users will make a split second judgment about you based purely on your looks.
Don’t really appeal to them and their particular preferences? Chances are, it’s an immediate left swipe. Look hotter than napalm being dropped on the surface of the sun? You are probably getting a right swipe and maybe even a super like.
Fall somewhere in between? Either a judgment call is made or, at this point, the person will actually bother to look at your profile and make a decision based on its contents.
Other than the fact that this leads to extremely shallow judgments, this culture also creates a breeding ground for douche bag guys with sex on the brain. These guys will swipe on nearly anyone their they think they can screw. To test this theory, a friend of mine even filled her bio with ridiculously off-putting nonsense to see if anyone would be deterred.
Instead, it just seemed to egg them on as messages of "I’m totally into bestiality too” and “How about I stop at Party City to pick up a clown custom on my way over to your place ;)” and disturbingly even “How about you give me head while we wait for your Alaskan pipeline to freeze” started flowing in (I don’t recommend looking that up).
It just showed that these guys will stop at nothing to get laid.
It’s not only sad but physically sickening to see the effects that one of these guys can have on a woman. Not only have I seen it in my friends, but also romantic interests that have talked to me about their past experiences. These guys take a woman’s trust and use it to their advantage, bending and twisting it until it snaps.
In some cases, they even take from a woman one of the most sacred things she has: her virginity. Even if the girl isn’t a virgin though, and one of these guys manipulates her into sleeping with him, that can still be extremely damaging.
It can leave her feeling violated, used, and like she is only worth what her body can do.
These women suffer hit after hit to their self-esteem and often even start to question their own worth as a human. These guys can cause women to question everything about any future man that shows interest in them and make them wonder if the next guy is just like all the others.
So what impact does this have on guys like me? Obviously, I am certainly not the victim here, women in general are. However, often I’m unfortunately assumed to be a sex-crazed guy, simply because I am a guy. The number of times that I’ve heard the phrase, “You are just going to ghost me like everyone else” literally breaks my heart.
The fact of the matter is, I don’t ghost anyone ever, and I certainly don’t use girls for sex. This may surprise a lot of people, but I’m not really too interested in sex at all, at least not until well into a relationship. Emotional connections are what matter to me the most.
And no, I’m not gay, I’m not asexual, and I’m not a freak, I just truly believe that sex should be used to strengthen bonds made by emotional connections, not used to create those bonds. So until there are any bonds to strengthen, I’m not interested.
I’m also not the only guy that thinks this way. Though it may not seem that way at times, there are a ton of us out there. The issue is that other guys with impure intentions imitate us, trying to pretend long enough to gain the very trust they seek to abuse. Due to this, us actually good guys are very rarely given a chance.
Now, I’m not claiming to be perfect, or that any other guy is either. Everyone makes mistakes and has there flaws, I have more than I could possibly count myself. But the one thing I can say is this: ladies, there are guys out there like me that will not abuse your trust or set out to hurt you.
While you should always be cautious who you trust, also be willing to give us a chance, and don’t make snap judgments about all guys based on the many pricks out there. I swear, some of us really do have good intentions.