Look in the mirror; look at your reflection on your computer or phone screen.
What is your first reaction?
We’ve all had the experience of trying to open our phone camera to take a picture of something, and felt appalled when we found an image of ourselves staring right back. I’ve had situations of this happening where I feel my heart drop as I quickly flip the camera, my mood often ruined. Thoughts would race through my head: “Is that really what I look like? Is that what everyone else is seeing as they look at me? I thought I looked pretty today… what world was I in? I can’t believe I thought I looked pretty.”
Yes, that may sound petty to you, it may sound selfish, but I know for a fact that most of you reading this article have had the same experience: the experience of seeing yourself in a photograph or through other means, and being upset by your appearance. Now before I get to the main point of this article, let me address the fact that I believe I am created in God’s image. I believe I am “wonderfully and fearfully made,” and that my worth is about much more than outward appearance. However, even knowing this, I still struggle to love myself. This in no way means that I do not acknowledge the truth of Christ and his love for me or that I don’t believe any of the facts I’ve stated above.
Approximately eight million people in the United States struggle with an eating disorder. This includes both women and men. Whether you know it or not, there is an almost definitely a person in your life who is or has struggled with an eating disorder. Although it is a very sensitive topic that I haven’t shared outside of my family, I myself have struggled with an eating disorder. I have recovered extremely well over many years, but the thoughts are often still there as I look in the mirror. Looking back however, what I have reflected on most is that although I was constantly concerned about my appearance (that is a simplified statement as eating disorders are about more than just “how you look”), my goal was never to love myself: my goal was for others to love me. I spent years restricting the amount of food I ate, excessively exercising, because I truly believed I could never love myself. I believed whole-heartedly, however, that if I achieved some unrealistic and undefined goal, others may love me for how I looked. If someone had told me to love myself back then, I would have convinced myself that any form of self appreciation was selfish; that I did not deserve that.
Luckily, my story had a happy ending, and I can confidently say that special needs children, especially Ben, taught me to love myself.They have taught me things about God that I could never have imagined. They have taught me how to keep a smile on my face, even through the toughest of days. They have taught me that I am worthwhile, and that I have the ability to change lives in the way they have changed mine. These children have been there for me on the days when I was not there for myself, and thanks to them, I have overcome the eating disorder that I once had. In learning to love myself, I have been able to endlessly love others. I have been able to serve with compassion those who are often mistreated, and I have been able to make real, tangible differences in family’s lives.
And so I ask you: is loving yourself a selfish act?
No, you may not have an eating disorder or experience with self-loathing thoughts. But do you love yourself for who you are both inside and out? If not, I urge you: begin exploring who you are, and the magnificence of your presence in the world. Meditate on God’s word. This doesn’t mean to take pride and love yourself as an idol, but to appreciate yourself as His creation as you would a beautiful sunrise, or a rainbow after a storm. By loving yourself, you will soon find that you have an immense capacity to truly love others around you as well.
