I am an actor. I am an introvert with social anxiety. My passion has thrust me into an eccentric world of extroverts in which my introverted personality often contrasts with what the performance world calls for. Don’t get me wrong, theater is my home. I wouldn’t trade a single day of rehearsals or performances for anything in this whole world. However, the discomfort of being an introverted actor brings can be a lot to handle including with the misconceptions behind social anxiety. I’m here to say that no one should let anything, even themselves, get in the way of pursuing what they love.

When I moved to New York to study at AMDA, my biggest worry was meeting new people; knowing very well that theater people tend to be a loud, extroverted group that could potentially find me weird for not being as loud and energetic as they were. I spent the whole summer trying my best to come out of my shell, meet people, and initiate conversations with my friends. By the time orientation came around, however, all of the work I put into trying to change dissipated upon meeting my group for the first time. People flocked to each other within seconds, meanwhile, I sat in a corner and didn’t speak to anyone. All that was going through my head was how weird they were going to think I was and whether they would like me or not. I was scared. I was overwhelmed, and I physically couldn’t get myself to do a thing about it. Eventually, I forced myself to say hello to people and talk. Once I did that, something amazing happened. Something I didn’t expect. People were open to talking to me. I realized I was surrounded by people that all had something in common. We found solace in musical theater. That was the reason we were here. I found myself comfortable in a manner of days, rather than the weeks or months it typically would take me to be OK in a new group of people. Now, nearly five weeks later, I have friendships that I’m confident will remain so for the rest of my life.

Now that I have people I talk to every day and spend a lot of time with, the misconceptions of my introversion and social anxiety come out. The consistent comments of “you need to get over that!” when it takes me an extra 10 seconds to get myself to ask someone an important question. Or the weird looks when I get nervous when I have to talk to someone new. The worst of all, though, were comments that I’m “in the wrong business.” My response to these comments used to be a variation of “I know, it’s awful. I’m awful.” I would degrade myself for being who I am. However, personality and mental illness cannot be an excuse. As I’ve grown, as a person and performer, I’ve learned that my introversion and social anxiety should not play a role in how I behave in my career. Why would I allow myself to struggle in a professional setting when this is exactly what I want to be doing with my life? I won’t allow myself to let my introversion and anxiety define me as a person.

I am an actor. I am an introvert with social anxiety. Sometimes, I need to take an extra 10 seconds to ask an important question. My preference to staying in with a bag of popcorn and a movie over a party with a lot of people does not have anything to do with my ability to perform well in an audition or on stage. There are days I have to work a little harder to put on a brave face, but I love performing so much that I won’t let things get the best of me. I refuse to allow it. I love what I do, and I love myself, so I will push myself to do what I love for the rest of my life. Sometimes doing what I love is going to force me to do something that makes me uncomfortable. However, life begins at the end of your comfort zone, and I will dedicate my life to doing the thing that makes me feel at home.