The dating world is tough. Being a student and trying to date is even tougher. I think there’s something so vulnerable about being with someone, one-on-one, and getting to know about them. I’ve never been a very open person. In fact, many of my relationships with people have been unhinged as a result of my being reserved. In the past few years, I’ve found it harder to get to really know people because I’m terrified of them getting to know me. Although I’ve spent the majority of Valentine’s Days alone, I have gone on dates and have learned what I should do for future dates when I choose to get out there again. I realize that I may not be the best candidate to give dating advice, but based on what I’ve learned not to do, I’ve been able to deduce better alternatives. It’s much easier to share the advice than to apply it, but hopefully learning about these seven steps will help make your next date less stressful and more successful.

1. Actually put yourself out there

The first step is quite simple, but also one of the most difficult steps. In order to go on a date in the first place, you need to be at a point in your life when you’re ready to. I was once told that I needed to learn to love myself before I could love another, and I honestly believe that was some of the best advice that I’ve ever received. For any form of healthy relationship to stem from dating, there has to be self-love. If you rely on someone else’s love to validate that you deserve to be loved, that will be a very dependent relationship. Put love out there for both yourself and the other person you’re dating.

2. Let your guard down

I get it, being vulnerable is absolutely terrifying. Protecting yourself is a normal human characteristic for coping with insecurities. While that’s a great thing to do as you’re passing through the Common late at night, it’s the worst thing you can possibly do on a date. I’m terrible at it myself. To really get to know someone, however, it’s essential to be as honest as possible. That requires you to be susceptible and let the other person in. Dates are meant for getting to know someone better, and if you’re sitting there unwilling to open up, the date won’t go well.

3. Explore new territories

Going on a date is an absolutely great experience when you encounter something new; whether that’s a new feeling, or something new that you’re learning. One way to ensure that you experience something fresh is to change your environment. I know that sometimes it’s convenient to just go someplace local, but when you go out to somewhere different, both you and your date are sharing the experience of discovery and the place becomes sacred. It may be out of your comfort zone, but it’s always incredible to share a moment. By having a date in an unexplored place, it will make it memorable.

4. Be bold

Don’t let fear hold you back. Fear may in fact be the most detrimental thing while dating, should you permit it to affect your decisions. Confidence won’t only help you in the dating world; it’s a trait that will draw people to you and will help make life easier in general. Although confidence is awesome, and I don’t mean to contradict myself (but who am I kidding), having too much confidence will hold you back. It comes across as egocentric and narcissistic. Just don’t be afraid to try new things. Don’t be afraid to go up to someone and tell them how you feel. Remember that the worst thing that could possibly happen is for them to tell you that they don’t feel the same way. Never allow the fear of rejection hold you back from the potential success. Just be yourself and let others in to learn who you truly are.

5. Show interest

You don’t go on a date with someone just to be detached or not mentally there. If you are on a date, at least have the common courtesy to pay attention to your date for the duration of the date. Whatever you need to do can wait until the date is over. Nothing is worse than going on a date with someone that is very apparent in their disinterest for you. Just pay attention, actively listen, and show that you are interested in what they have to say, and they will return that courtesy.

6. Healthily express yourself

This is an extremely important aspect while dating. You need to be able to convey what you’re trying to say and express yourself. Don’t be like me and internally develop and archive your thoughts. Being in a very artistic city definitely helps with expression as well. The trouble I often run into is that I can’t say what I want to. I express my emotions and feelings through my music and poetry. While it’s nice to be able to have mediums to express, none of these artistic expressions ever get to the subject. I find that I often act disinterested or disingenuous while communicating with those who I like since I don’t often convey interest through conversation. As a result, no one who I like ever knows it due to my unhealthy habits of expression.

7. Compliments help

Something as simple as complimenting someone’s hair, shoes, intelligence or personality will help you in the dating world. Learning to be able to say what you like about someone else is key. It's also effective for just starting casual conversation. Though you don’t need to go above and beyond for complimenting someone on everything, it definitely helps display that you can be affectionate and not entirely self-involved. And don’t assume that any compliment is implied unless explicitly stated.

I am completely aware of the hypocrisy in my advice, and I do have trouble utilizing my own advice. Although the piece is intended to be informative, reading and understanding the listed points is completely different than putting them into action. I’ve personally been out of the dating scene for quite some time, but after more self-reflection and discovery, when I find myself ready to reemerge, I will try my best to follow my own advice. I hope that any others having trouble with dating might find it helpful to do the same.