Yesterday, I realized how much I've learned about myself from what I thought was just a superficial, momentary respite for the brain– Instagram. And, since this is my first contribution to The Odyssey, I thought this might be an interesting way to introduce myself.
As I was scrolling the seemingly mindless scroll, I noticed the subconscious reactions to almost every image that flickered by. Who is that? Where do I know them from again? Do I really need to see their #tbt excuse for posting a photo of themselves in a bikini? Aww, so and so got a dog! Oh, I gotta try that cocktail. Uff, so many dance videos. Should I be posting more videos of myself? I wish we could camp more. Minnesota is the greatest! We still need to try that restaurant. CANDY CANE ICE CREAM! I need to start making jewelry. Ooooo, those undies look so comfy (thank you, advertisements).
Okay, so you might read that internal monologue and think it's all still pretty mindless. Fair enough. But, when I allowed my thoughts on the matter to start flowing, the bigger picture came into focus. Instagram represents a great deal of things I didn't realize I still had floating around in the back of my mind. People I thought I was friends with that I never speak to, nor really feel the need to reconnect with. People that were never really friends to begin with. The cryptic quotes beneath artsy photos that I used to genuinely feel bad about not understanding, thinking they were so deeply poetic and above me. They're not. They're just not my taste in expression, and that is completely okay. People I've worked with as a professional dancer that continue the pursuit of things I thought I would miss (my wife and I recently moved to Minneapolis from New York City). I don't miss those things, and it's a little weird for me to acknowledge after loving a profession so deeply for so long. I danced on Broadway and was on "So You Think You Can Dance" and have spent the majority of my life pouring all of my energy into one thing, and I'm thankful that I chose to relieve myself of the pressure to continue pursuing a form of dancing that no longer fueled my spirit.
I don't want that version of myself. I want the one that dances when she so chooses and has the time and means to partake in the beautiful community of art and food and music that surrounds her every day. The one that challenges her intellect in new ways. The one that gets to go outside and connect with this wild planet. The one that has time for family and learning about people who think, act, and feel differently. The one that fights for love and compassion and doesn't give in to the influence of society telling her what she should or shouldn't be based on gender or age or religion or sexual orientation. I couldn't be that one when I felt like every day was a struggle and a performance. Constantly trying to make sure everyone knew that I was talented enough or pretty enough or strong enough to handle the "hustle". I was. I am. YOU ARE.
The scroll through Instagram makes me acknowledge the fact that I love things differently than I used to, or just love different things. It points out the change and growth, maybe because I'm lazy with it and never filter through or unfollow people, or maybe because I subconsciously want to see the history of paths crossed and moments experienced. Maybe I want to have a record of the change. I can't get myself to click the "unfollow" button very often, but I think yesterday's revelation might change that.
Perhaps our social media feeds impact our thoughts and self-reflection more than we realize. I think it can become a sort of vision board if we use it wisely, feeding our mind with images and words that represent what we're striving for. I urge you to take a moment to reflect on your feed and the people and things you follow. Make it a flood of images and words that encourage your best self. Seek out new things and connect with your community. Create your chosen community, not the one you think you're supposed to have. Find things that excite you and nourish your heart and mind. Maybe unfollow that person that makes you feel inadequate, the one that suggests you look at your body or intellect with anything less than love and acceptance. Let go of the things no longer meant for you, or those that were never serving you. You are perfect and #instaworthy just as you are.
Follow Kourtni Lind-Watson @kjlindwatson
