Insecurity And Unawareness: Why We Dislike People Similar To US

Insecurity And Unawareness: Why We Dislike People Similar To US

How self-doubt and a subtle hatred of one's own character can cause a dislike of others with similar qualities.
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Whether or not we care to admit it, there are people we encounter in life that we simply do not like. It’s in our nature and, although it’s not exactly healthy to dislike others, we can’t always help what we feel. One thing I’ve noticed, though, is that the people we dislike are often people very similar to us. I know that’s not always the case, as I have repeatedly seen two polar opposites dislike each other. However, in so many instances I have witnessed someone speaking negatively about another person for the way they act or who they are, when the traits that person is describing are an accurate description of himself or herself. The person speaking negatively of someone usually doesn’t have the slightest clue that he or she dislikes someone that is extremely similar to him or her. So, why is it that we don’t we like the people who are just like us? What makes those people unappealing in our eyes, and why don’t we see those traits in ourselves?

When we dislike others who have similar positive qualities to our own, perhaps we see those positive qualities as a threat. When someone has positive qualities such as talent, drive, and passion, we often see that person as a force to be reckoned with. We don’t realize that we are just as talented and tenacious as the person we dislike, so instead of admiring their similarly good qualities, we feel the need to compete with them. We are often so unsure of ourselves that once we see someone who has the good qualities we thought we had, we feel intimidated. Rather than feeling threatened by someone’s talent, we should have enough confidence in ourselves and our abilities to accept that person for the great person they are. If we are not confident in ourselves, we fear that others will not believe in what we are capable of. It is at this point we become filled with fear and doubt when we don’t have a reason to do so, but we still believe our intimidation is justified because we lack faith in ourselves.

When we dislike others who have similar negative qualities to our own, it shows that we aren’t fully satisfied with ourselves. We see negative qualities in others, and that reminds us of how much we dislike parts of ourselves. For example, you could be a very jealous person and see someone who is clearly also a jealous person. Seeing the jealousy that person possesses reminds you of the times you have been jealous of others, and since you disliked that side of yourself, you dislike the person who is currently behaving in that manner. Whether we are aware of it or not, we dislike the people who remind us of the parts of ourselves we choose to forget about. We don’t like to shed light on our negative qualities, so they get pushed aside. We try to overlook our poor character traits, but little do we realize that these qualities are apparent in the people we dislike. No matter how hard we try to ignore and forget about our own negative qualities, we see them clearly in others and dislike those people for their behavior.

Whether someone embodies everything great about us or reminds us of everything we dislike about ourselves, if we dislike that person, we are disapproving of ourselves in some way. We need to have the self-awareness and confidence to not feel threatened by other good people. We also need to have the courage to realize what we dislike about ourselves and become the people we wish to be, because having an aversion to our own character will only lead to self-hate and hatred towards others. It is only through introspection and the desire to improve ourselves that we will be able to treat those who are similar to us with admiration and respect.

Cover Image Credit: www.suggestkeyword.com

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.
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Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

From an outside perspective, suicidal thoughts are rarely looked into deeper than the surface level. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is that people live in between those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead.

You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255


Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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Tanya Gold, Your Fatphobic Article Is Uneducated And Arrogant

BREAKING NEWS: Women come in all different shapes and sizes!

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Just recently, Nike released a plus-size mannequin at one of their stores in London that showed off their plus-size leggings and sports bra. And, because we live in a world where being fat or overweight or obese is somehow the worst thing in the world to some people, this has sparked a lot of discussion.

Tanya Gold wrote an article for The Telegraph saying that this mannequin “cannot run" and is “likely pre-diabetic" and “on her way to a hip-replacement." Not only is Tanya's article uneducated and poorly written, it's completely fatphobic and embarrassing.

What I would like to know is this: why can't plus-size women work out in Nike clothes just like a size 2 woman? People want to scream from the rooftops that plus-size women are fat because they don't exercise and when companies FINALLY start catering to plus-size women with clothes they can EXERCISE IN, people lose their minds and think that they're promoting obesity.

What are plus sized women supposed to work out in if they can't even wear Nike leggings without being fat-shamed?

Would you rather them wear jeans? Overalls? A parka, maybe? What about a garbage bag?

Let's also discuss the fact that being overweight doesn't equal being unhealthy, just like being at a “normal" weight doesn't make you healthy. Did you ever stop to think that some women have diseases that make them gain weight that they, in return, can't lose? Some women can eat salad for every single meal, seven days a week and they still can't lose weight.

Let's all say this together: SIZE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH FITNESS. Being thin doesn't equal being healthy and being overweight doesn't equal being unhealthy.

Everyone (and yes, I mean EVERYONE) should be able to be comfortable in their own skin AND in their clothes.

You can't sit and pout saying that fat people don't care about their health and then when they want comfortable clothes to wear while they're EXERCISING, hell has frozen over and how dare Nike cater to people who aren't a size 2.

Tanya, be honest with yourself. You aren't anywhere near a size 2, either, so where is all of this coming from? Are you self-loathing? Do you have some kind of internal fatphobia?

Pick a side, Tanya. You can't hate people who are overweight because you think that they aren't exercising and then when they do exercise and they get clothes that cater to them, it's all of the sudden wrong and horrible.

We are damned if we do, damned if we don't. As if women (and men) weren't already being shamed enough for being plus size, we're now being made to feel bad because a brand caters to our size so we can wear the same clothes all of the other sizes can wear.

Thank you, Nike, for making your brand more inclusive for all shapes and sizes so we can ALL feel confident in our clothes.

I think it's worth mentioning that Nike released their plus-size line in 2017 AKA 2 years ago... Why weren't you mad then?

Oh, and, Tanya Gold, you might want to stop smoking since you're all about being healthy, right? You don't want to get lung cancer or anything, do you?

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