In Your Eyes

Your face a moment’s grasp away.

Here with me as if nothing has

changed.

As if nothing will ever

change.

But I know better.

You are no longer a candle in the cove.

Your light has faded.

The wind blew out your spark unexpectedly too soon.

I glance back and see a winding road.

You stand parallel to me.

A lifetime separating the here and the now from our souls.

I whisper a sweet melody.

You attempt to respond, but no words come out.

Only thoughts can flood my mind of the where and when

as questions remain

unanswered.

My mind lays to rest,

but sparks burst as the chandelier shatters beneath me.

Pieces upon pieces of shards crunch through

footsteps of memory lane.

You live upon the reflections glancing back.

Your face a moment’s grasp away.

Here with me as if nothing has

changed.

As if nothing will ever

change.

There are moments in life when one hits lows. It is within these lows one realizes how good the highs are, in which they don’t truly appreciate until gone. Around me I have observed many close friends and family suffer various levels of love and loss. Maybe it is due to the fact that this year has not been the easiest, but it has become a second nature for me to sympathize and understand others more than in the past.

A loss is a feeling unlike any other I have experienced before. There are many forms of loss one can encounter throughout a daily basis or even spans of years. I have been fortunate enough to not have to cope with the loss of a loved one, until now. It is a strange feeling yearning to pick up the phone and dial their number one last time. To hear their voice one last time. To have their arms embrace you... one. last. time.

It has become an inner battle of grief, denial, and acceptance for the past month and a half. I am not going to lie to myself or others when they ask “how are you?”. The polite answer is “good, how are you?” but in my eyes, if the individual who is asking about your wellbeing actually cares, honesty is the morally correct response. Be honest in the moment and fact that you might not be okay and that statement within itself is in fact ‘okay’.

It takes one to be strong and brave to admit to themselves that life is not going the way they predicted or favor. Becoming actively aware that one’s mental health is not in the correct mindset of coordinates takes grit. It is the first step in recovery and change to become aware of the problem at hand. However, in order for change to happen one needs to crave an alternative route. I believe that the hardest thing to admit to oneself is that they themself are not perfect and that those around them who seem perfect also have various demons they are fighting beneath the surface. The difference between the two is that some are better at masking their troubles. At the end of the day it is not the situation that matters, but the reaction to it. You can let it break you or make you and that is where your power remains.