We've all seen article on article about having depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, etc. They tell you what it's like trying to love someone who has these mental illnesses, try and explain what it's like to have these, how to cope, and on and on. This is probably going to end up being another one of those articles, but hey you might get something out of what I face everyday.
1. It's there with you when you're trying to get out of bed in the morning.
Especially with it being cold outside and grey, my motivation starts to fizzle out at the end of the semester. Now pile that on with my own battle going on in my head every morning. "Do I really need to go to this class? Can I really get this work done today? Can I bring myself to sit at my office job for five hours?" Even though I will go, it's still just this weight that makes me paralyzed for at least 30 minutes every morning.
2. It's there when you're out with your friends.
Picture this: You're out doing whatever with your best friends, everyone is laughing and just having a good time. All of a sudden the noise starts to become too much, you've reached your limit of being around other people and now you just want to go home. However, if you tell your friends that, they look at you like you have three heads because you were just fine ten minutes ago.
3. It's there when you start to like someone.
OH BOY. This one, let me tell you, it's probably the worst area of my life I suffer in. It's not bad enough that having feelings for someone is terrifying, but being nervous constantly of what you might say/do that could scare them off plays like a freaking annoying pop song in your head. It's like "hey I get it, I'm nervous, stop reminding me every time something is going alright!"
4. It's there when you hurt the ones you love.
Sometimes, not even the person realizes what is coming out of their mouth, or the look on their face. Sometimes you say something hurtful, or maybe even just the tone you have is aggressive. For me I get so worked up inside and try to push it down and then it comes out unexpectedly. That's when you get the other guilt that comes with it. After you see the hurt look on your mother's face, the short text you receive from your best friend after you blew up. It's always there afterwards to remind you of how you messed up again. It's not fun, not one bit.
If you are one of these people, don't be ashamed. Don't be upset that you are like this. If you are really struggling, it's okay to ask for help. It took me a long time to finally accept the fact and go talk to someone. If you're not quite ready to go out and talk to someone you don't know, do your best to confide in someone who makes you feel safe and has the best interests at heart for you. Nobody is perfect, simple as that. You are more than everything I have talked about, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone.
