1. How sexy do you want to be?

This is especially important to figure out before you start looking online, as it changes the nature of how you should search. If you want to be a doctor, per se, search “Halloween costume doctor” to find what you are looking for. However, if you want to be a sexy doctor, just change it to “Halloween costume women's.” For some weird reason, it’s easier to find “sexy” costumes for women opposed to men, so any guys will have to do some digging if they really want to be McDreamy.

2. How offensive are you okay with being?

Basically, you should know where on the market between the Disney princess Pocahontas and a random Native American stereotype you’re willing to fall. After all, a brown beaded Native American Princess™ dress will be more cost effective (because of brand licensing) if you don’t consider the weight of continually marginalizing someone else’s heritage.

There is a certain level of subjectivity regarding what qualifies as offensive, but there are some things we all can agree should not be done. Remember, you can’t talk your way out of something that’s on your face and photos last forever.

3. How much money do you want to spend?

Remember that you will likely wear this costume maybe once or twice, so figure out how much you’re willing to blow on one night’s outfit.

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4. How much money do you have?

Let’s be real. You’re going to overspend because Halloween costumes are more expensive than you remember. It’s worth it because surely there will be a costume party some other time this year. Right? Money isn’t even real.

5. Where will you be wearing it?

It’s all fun and games until you remember that Halloween is in October. The end of October. And it’s cold as hell and the wind is blowing, and all of a sudden you wonder why no fictional characters ever wear jackets. I’m not saying you shouldn’t go for a sexy costume; I’m just saying nothing’s sexier than a proper core temperature.

6. Do you like matching with other people?

Go as Harley Quinn.

7. Where does humor come into play?

Humor is especially good if you are into graphic tees and making people roll their eyes. Let’s face it, if you want attention, be the person who actually went as a “cereal killer.”

8. Do you really care?

I mean do you really care? Are you going anywhere for Halloween? By November 1, literally no one will care about your lack of costume on the previous day, just as no one really cares what you wore yesterday. If you don’t particularly care for Halloween, don’t drop $30 on something you’re never going to use. Instead, pretend it’s already Christmas and