I think when it’s all said and done, we all want to experience our own real and complete love. We all go through our lives pursuing dreams, bettering ourselves, and finding little pockets of positivity wherever we can. We hope we can find others who share interests, goals, and outlooks on the world. But sometimes we find ourselves living in accordance with others who not only do not help us reach our potential and happiness, but actually rigorously strip it from us.

We continue to show up for them. We continue to cry over them. We continue to run around for them. We continue to convince ourselves that their imprint on us is getting us one step closer to the love we’ve always wanted, but is actually just diverting us farther and farther away from our truth. We find ourselves thinking, “if only I could convince them of their value,” “if only I could have been more patient,” or “they will come around in time.” This false reliance leads us in circles of emotional trauma and pure exhaustion. When someone is toxic to you, rather than making excuses and running yourself ragged trying to fill in the missing puzzle pieces that you will never find, be honest with yourself. Have discernment in who gets to be in your life. Surround yourself with people who truly make you a better person and want to continually support your goals. These are the people worth spending time with, these are the people who deserve your time, talent, and treasure. It is not your job to fill in the blanks for anyone else. But it is your job to fill in the blanks for yourself. Decide who you want to be and what life you want to lead, and work for it. Toxic people will bring you down and cause you to fall off of the path, and little by little, will take away from who you are as a person.

While we can spend our whole lives being sad and blaming others for their negative, ignorant, and borderline evil actions and imprints, at the end of the day, it is your fault for sticking around and putting up with it. Don’t allow yourself to fall into this trap. The love you have to give is sacred, vast, and brilliantly crafted for the heart that is meant to love you. Do not squander it and be careful who you share it with.

Being surrounded by toxic people might be one of the most painful and destructive things we can do to ourselves. But being surrounded by positive people who bring smiles to our faces, spirit to our hearts, and fruition to our minds can reciprocate wonder and wisdom into our lives and help us enjoy the journey, all the while getting us closer to our destination. It is a wonderful feeling to have a good team on your side.

Think of characteristics that you are trying to emulate in your life and find someone who holds these same standards and works for them every day. Find someone who works to be patient, hardworking, kind, trusting, and above all, real. I think the worst part about toxic people is they seem to always have a hidden agenda about everything. They bring their negativity wherever they go and then are so surprised that nothing in their life is getting better. They ultimately are unhappy with their life and who they are and will, even unintentionally, relay that into your life. Positive people who are meant to be in your life will make you feel better and add to your life; it really is as simple as that.

Of course, people make mistakes and people fight. It is part of being human. Even good people fall short sometimes, but if it is a continual reoccurrence that is taking away from your life, cut it off. Life is too short to spend it on people who don’t value or respect you. Again, be honest with what is actually going on and be strong enough to walk away from people or situations that are not meant for you. Let go with grace and move forward in faith.

If you are frivolous with your heart, not only will you find yourself yearning for reality but only receiving falsehood, you will miss opportunities to meet people who are actually good for you. You will instead be spending your time in stagnation, bitterness, and confusion.

Real love is deliberate and demands sacrifice. It takes effort, commitment, and fidelity from both people. Real love makes you more of who you are, not less. Real love helps you, not hinders you. Real love gives you soft smiles and little laughs. Real love is not blind, but actually knows exactly what it’s doing. Real love gives you joy in times of trouble, faith in times of doubt, and light in times of darkness.

Wait for this, pray for this, and work for this. Anything less would be not only a waste of your time, but a damn shame.