“You’re so cute! You’re still a virgin?”
First of all, do NOT call me cute. My name is Morgan Wilson. I’m a history major at Cal Poly, I’m a member of Kappa Kappa Gamma sorority, and I’m 21 years old. I’m also a virgin. Every time I say this, I get a lot of raised eyebrows, a chorus of “reallys” and “you’re joking,” or even sometimes, “why?” For the record, it shouldn’t matter why or why not I'm a virgin. But because I am so tired of constantly having to explain myself, I figured I’d just put it out there.
I am a virgin by choice. I was raised, and still am, Roman Catholic, and the Bible teaches that sex should be solely between a husband and wife. I’d like to point out that not everyone that is Catholic has decided to make this choice; I know plenty of people that don’t think having sex before marriage is that big of a deal. I’m also a virgin because I believe that sex is something that shouldn’t be taken lightly. While I’m not condemning anyone who partakes in one-night-stands by any means, I personally don’t believe in them. I believe that sex should only be between a married couple because, for starters, what happens when you break up with your significant other that you lost your virginity to? Not only did you give them your heart, you gave them your body, which can hurt more than the actual breakup does. So part of my reasoning for being single is selfish because I want to protect myself. I’m a hopeless romantic, and I know that if I were to give myself to someone and they then broke up with me, I just wouldn’t be able to handle it.
I have been teased for deciding to remain a virgin until marriage since I was fourteen years old. Fourteen. I’ve had exes mock me. I’ve had random kids that I barely knew at school mock me, so badly that I stopped wearing my purity ring. When I came to Cal Poly, it was my first experience being at a school where the majority of the kids weren’t Catholic. When I said I was a virgin, the eyebrows immediately went up and the judgment began. However, when I said that it was my choice to be a virgin, people nodded. It was OK, because it was my choice.
So basically, being a virgin wouldn’t have been okay if it hadn’t been my choice? If I hadn’t had a boyfriend, if I wasn’t pretty? Frankly, that shows how messed up our society is. If wasn’t my choice to not have sex, I would be looked down on.
I’ve had plenty of opportunities to lose my virginity-as I already mentioned, I’ve had boyfriends. I also don’t think I need to mention that being a college student in general means that there are a lot of opportunities also. Being in a sorority means that I have taken boys to date parties and met boys at exchanges, and while not all of them were ones that wanted to take me home, there were some opportunities there as well.
I’m tired of having to come up with reasons why I don’t want to go home with a guy without hurting his ego. It’s not personal. In fact, he’s probably gorgeous, and I wouldn’t have been making out with him unless I found him attractive. But for some reason, I can’t say that I don’t want to go home with someone without him getting his feathers ruffled. I’m a virgin for personal reasons, no, you aren’t going to change my mind, yes I’m still attracted to you, no I won’t have sex with you, no matter how hard you try.
I am so tired of defending my virginity, my personal choice that doesn’t affect anyone else but myself. Why is it that when people decide to have sex, they aren’t shamed, but when I decide NOT to have sex, I am? Slut-shaming is a thing. So is virgin-shaming. The number of times I’ve been called a prude would shock you. Anyone that knows me will tell you that I’m not a prude by any means.
But as soon as I say that I’m a virgin, I automatically become one. I’ve had friends claim that “I just don’t get it” when it comes to serious relationships because I’m a virgin. I know they don’t mean to make me feel lesser than them, but they’re wrong in their assumption that you have to have sex in order to have a serious relationship. Many, many couples have a relationship that is just as strong and just as romantic without the sex. Just because society and the media have taught us that the only way a relationship can be “real” is if there’s sex involved, doesn’t mean it’s true.
So, you can see why I’m tired of defending my virginity, because it’s much more than just a simple answer. Just remember, don’t ever say that I'm cute because I’m a virgin. You can call me cute, just not for that.