We've all become a bit wishy-washy about how we assert ourselves, and I don't think most people realize it. Even that last sentence doesn't take a very strong stance. So I'll rewind -- we've all become wishy-washy in how we assert ourselves. It may seem like no big deal; perhaps people just don't want to come across as aggressive or bullish, but I think it's more of a problem than we credit it to be.
Have you ever started a question off with, "I'm sorry, but.." when you needed clarification or an answer to something? Maybe you yourself haven't done this, but I'll bet you've heard at least one other person start a question off this way. I know I used to do this all the time, and a lot of my friends too. But why? Why do we feel the need to apologize before we ask a question -- and more importantly, why is it acceptable to do this?
There are a lot of phrases that have lost their meaning through time because we've become desensitized to them. If you address a group as "you guys," chances are all genders will listen to what you have to say, not just the men. A lot of times people take language and our specific words for granted, either because we're used to them, or because we don't really mean it. But where did this habit of starting a question by apologizing come from?
Do I shout from the rooftops and shake my fists at society? Oppression? The English language in whole? Truth is, I could do a lot of digging and find the socio-linguistic root of this phenomenon, but for the time being I'll have to chalk it up to the unsatisfying answer: I don't know. But frankly, I don't really care where it came from for the sake of this argument; I just want it to go away.
No one should feel ashamed to say something, or as though they don't have a right to get answers to their questions. Even the most trivial thoughts, like what time it is, deserve to be asked without remorse. Unless you are being rude or hurtful, you deserve to say anything you want without feeling like a burden for doing so. I worry that, if one keeps apologizing for the things one says, that meekness and low self-esteem will translate into everything else one does.
I will not buy into the sentiment that they're just words, because those words came from somewhere inside of you and they are how you feel. So, subconsciously there is a small part of a person that feels the need to apologize before they say something. That's gross -- please don't do that. Don't carry yourself with the notion that you aren't as important or deserving.
Maybe this sounds like the back of a self-help seminar's pamphlet, but I will not apologize for saying it (see what I did there?). I think that if you really think about what you're saying and try to change your speech habits for the better, then that change will translate into the rest of your life. Saying a few less words at the beginning of a sentence seems like a pretty good baby step, right?
The next time you go to ask a question, or say anything, I hope you do so with the utmost confidence in yourself. Even if it doesn't seem like you're making a difference at first, you'll probably be surprised by the end results.
