I'm not a feminist!

I don't hate men!

I like having sex, unlike feminists!

Western feminism is ridiculous! Women in the Middle East have it so much worse! (But I don't support them seeking refuge in America. Hell, no.)

What are they even marching for? It's not like we elected a serial rapist to be the leader of the free world or anything!

Planned Parenthood? Did you mean the KILL ALL BABIES WITH A SHOT GUN FACTORY? What? They do cancer screenings? Suddenly I can't hear you.

I mean, how selfish can these women be, wanting EQUAL rights? Don't they know that genetically, men are superior? They build muscle more easily and will grow taller while most of us dainty women are doomed to be less than five-foot-six!!!

And don't even get me started on the wage gap... Whiny women. Accept your 75 cents to every man's dollar like a good wife should.