Disclaimer: This isn't a description of the LGBT+ community as a whole or a homogenous description of what living in gay culture is, this is a culmination of my experiences traversing the LGBT+ world as a 22 year old gay male in the St. Louis area.

In our modern world of fast-paced communication and an almost ubiquitous presence of electronics in our faces, we have started to create an impact on our communities and cultures. For those of us born in the '90s, we've lived through the rise of the text, the introduction of Friendster, Myspace, Facebook, Twitter and many more. Connections that would have once been impossible become one click away from reality today. Don't get me wrong — this is a blessing for our society. But it's had a nasty side effect that has taken its toll on certain groups within our society. We've begun to create a uniform image to categorize people.

"Jimmy is a trans male; he must be like this."

"Sarah is an African American female; she must be like this."

"Layla is a Muslim female; she must be like this."

"Luke is from a low-income family; he must be like this."

Now we shouldn't blame this all on technology and our connectivity; we've always had an innate need to fit everyone into boxes. This is how we function. I'm also not here to talk about how to fix this issue in our society or to scream into the void about how wrong this all is, but I am here to talk about my personal experiences being a homosexual male and how my life is affected by our societal stereotypes and expectations.

What people think of me when I tell them I'm gay. (No offense to Adam Lambert, love him)

Through the eyes of the lenses of our media, a gay male is personified by their femininity, their promiscuity, their inability to stay in a relationship, their "sassiness" — and the list goes on and on. When I inform someone of my sexuality, all of a sudden, their entire idea of who I am at my core changes, and it is disheartening. I become less of my qualities and more of those to which I may or may not identify. I am more feminine than some of my other guy friends, but that is not the sole characteristic that defines who I am. Am I supposed to forgo my love of the outdoors and hiking because it's not "gay"? Should I embrace the values that are pushed upon me by my "culture" just because it is my way to conform?

This alone becomes an issue, but we also have another rising issue within our society, and it is our addition of the judgment of the gay community. Built out of a necessity to connect and protect ourselves, the gay community is very strong and helpful in many ways, but in an area that matters a lot to many who identify as not heterosexual, they tend to fail. I'm speaking of the tendency of a part of the gay community to be critical of those who do not fit the established norms of that community.

The norms do depend on the area that that community is in (St. Louis is different than New York which is different from Los Angeles, etc.); however, the notion is the same. You are expected to be something close to this idea of a "perfect" guy with a six-pack, masculine, outgoing, intelligent and a 10. If you don't like drinking or partying, you've failed. If you're not a 29 waist, you've failed. If you don't wear trendy clothes, you've failed. All of these expectations that are becoming more and more unattainable as we praise the glory of the "perfect" guy and continue to shame those who do not identify. As well, there's a double standard of sexual expression within this community. If you are someone who has even the slightest bit of romantic/sexual history, you're a slut. If you are someone who hasn't really dated or slept with anyone, you're a prude. There's no middle ground here, and it turns into a name-calling game where the person who is doing the name-calling is probably also guilty of the same "crime."

I'd much prefer a nice glass of wine with some Netflix to going out to the bars.

I do not like going out to the bars frequently. I do not have a muscly, six-pack body. I am introverted. I wear what makes me comfortable rather than more trendy items. I struggle with anxiety. I'm not the most eloquent with speaking to people.

These are the things that define me in the gay community—the things that separate me from the perfect, expected, and represented image. It makes me feel like the one student in school without the school uniform. I can feel the eyes of my peers on me, and I feel like an outcast. This group of people with which I have the most in common make me feel like I am worthless. No one acknowledges the accomplishments that I dedicate myself to, but rather my looks and ability to represent myself as a gay male.

When I attempt to date or talk to new people, I find that my inability to connect with gay culture tends to be impossible to understand by the other person. It's almost as if my inability to connect is a sign that the person should be weary of me because "if he doesn't strive to fit into gay culture, there must be a reason. Maybe he's a slut and the other gays judge him. yeah, that must be it". It's almost as if I've lost my ability to lead the life I want to live because I have the expectation to change just because I am attracted to the same gender. This is an issue for many of us in the dating scene, but then again, describing the issues in the gay dating scene would take a whole series of articles.

This is why I typically surround myself with straight males or females because I can function in my safe space where I feel at least a small sense of being normal. This then creates a distance between myself and those who identify as homosexual. I don't get all of the new gay slang. I can't relate my experiences in my romantic life as clearly because my friends don't know what it's like to be homosexual. I can't vent my personal challenges with being gay to anyone who has lived them as well. I don't have my "crew" that I go out with to the gay bars on the weekend.

I live in this weird limbo. Too "gay" to be normal in the straight world, too "straight" to be accepted by the gay world. Many of my heterosexual friends just point out my stereotypically gay tendencies while my few gay friends just point out my characteristics that don't qualify as gay.

But I'm OK with all of this.

I used to let these differences get to me. I used to lay in bed at night wallowing in self-pity due to nobody understanding my issues. I used to believe that I'd never find my place.

Now I'm OK with who I am (for the most part). I do have a few other gay friends, but I don't have that aforementioned "crew." I'm comfortable staying at home and watching Grey's with my cat rather than forcing myself to go out to the club. I'm comfortable with my life.

I think that we should all embrace the idea that the boundaries of culture are fluid rather than solid. I create my own norms and expectations and I don't give a damn about those who judge me for it.

"Chase is a gay male; he can be whoever the hell he wants to be."