My name is Jenna Nelson, I'm engaged, and I am absolutely terrified of marriage. I've been engaged for about a year and a half and I am so thankful to have found someone who takes care of me, puts me before himself, and genuinely loves me.
However, I still end up scared when I even attempt to try to plan my wedding. I said yes to him for a reason. He's my best friend and I feel confident in us and our relationship, but there is still something in the back of my head that makes me afraid.
Every time I turn on the TV, there is news about a break up. Every time I go to school, there is drama about someone's break up. Everywhere I turn, there always seems to be something about someone's relationship failing.
Here are just a few reasons why I'm afraid of marriage.
1. I have seen many failed marriages.
My parents separated when I was about eight. Many of my aunts and uncles are divorced. I have more friends with divorced parents than friends with parents who are still together. There's a 50/50 chance of a marriage working out and it seems to be becoming more and more common to get a divorce. It is absolutely terrifying. I do not want my marriage to fail.
2. Even if they aren't divorced, they still seem miserable.
Many couples I see in my life that still stay together seem to be absolutely miserable together. Family members, friends parents, and coworkers all seem to hate their spouses and hate their marriages. They are constantly fighting and there's many excuses for them still being together but not one excuse is love. I do not want to end up hating each other. I do not want to end up being miserable.
3. I don't want to ruin anything.
I honestly have no idea what it takes to keep a marriage alive. I have no couple role models to look up to and I wasn't raised with any successful relationships. So far, I feel like I'm just winging it. Relationships are a lot of hard work and I don't want to ruin mine because I have no idea what I am doing.
4. I don't want to get hurt.
I've heard the worst stories of relationships ending. So many people in my family have gone through so much and end up hurt and destroyed. I do not want to end up fully trusting someone and giving 100% of myself and my life to someone only to be hurt. I know my fiancé is an amazing person and would not hurt me, but because I have seen it so much, it continues to be in the back of my head.
Marriage is absolutely terrifying, but it is also exciting. Sometimes you just have to take risks and replace your negative thoughts with your own story. It is okay to be scared and I'm thankful to have someone next to me to be scared with.
