Everyone who knows me personally knows how much I hate confrontation, being argumentative, and choosing sides. I've always been a people-pleaser in my efforts to try to get people to like me. I tell myself that I don't care what people think, but deep down inside, I know that I actually care a lot and I always aim to seem likable and approachable. I try not to get in the middle of things, and when I do, I try to act as a mediator rather than choosing sides.

Growing up, I always thought that that was a good thing. I took pride in the fact that I was very empathetic and would always put people before myself. Of course this is not a bad thing, but it is not necessarily a good thing either. There are many times where I did not even think twice to help someone out while putting myself at a great inconvenience. I don't find it hard to take "no" as an answer, and my initial response to any inconvenient interaction is "oh its okay, no problem, don't worry about." I realize now that I don't know how to stand up for myself, I never have.

Well guess what. NO, it is not okay, and YES, there is a problem.

I'm done being the "passive" one. I'm done changing my plans for people that don't really give a shit. I'm done saying "whatever works you" and I'm going to start saying "I'll let you know what works for me." Obviously I'm not going to start being aggressively rude to people, but I will try to be more aware of what I really want and what I end up saying to other people, and I will make sure those two end up being the same thing. I need to stop caring about what people think of me, because what other people think is completely irrelevant to my own life. I need to put myself first once in a while.

I am currently on a path to reinvent myself and change the way that I act around other people, and even around myself. Being a pushover does not play out well in the real world. You need to be able to ask for what you want, when you want it (within reason). I'm going to try and push back, and I encourage everyone to do the same.