February is one of the coldest months for residents of the Northern Hemisphere. It’s windy, icy and snowy. Besides the winter sports enthusiasts who have some strange obsession with all of these things, winter is out to get everyone and make them miserable. So if winter was a person, it would be something like:
The little kid who takes your crayons
And breaks them. Didn’t know it was possible to hate someone so much in second grade.
The bully who shoves you into lockers
And trips you in the lunch room. And makes fun of you in class.
The popular girl who gives you death glares
Because you’re wearing the same shirt as she is and your hair looks infinitely better.
The person who cuts you off while driving
And then suddenly merges into your lane without signaling. Winter does not care if you get into a car accident.
The person who hits your mailbox or knocks over your garbage cans
And doesn’t fix either of them.
The person at the party who eats the last crab cake
Even though they’ve already eaten the entire tray of them. As well as the tomato and mozzarella balls. And the mini-meatballs. No, it’s fine, you eat them… I’ll just quietly starve over here. More wine? Yes, please.
The loud person in the restaurant
The don’t care if you’re eating or having a conversation. They have absolutely no problem taking a conference call from their seat, two tables away.
The waiter who spills a glass of wine on your new dress
The person in the drive-thru line
Ordering 27 coffees, eight muffins, and 34 breakfast sandwiches. Thank you for making me wait 18 minutes in the drive-thru line because you’re either feeding a small village or just yourself. All I ordered was a coffee. Why couldn’t you go inside and order?
The person in the library
They're either talking, tapping their foot or playing music entirely too loud. On the quiet floor. Where’s your inside voice and headphones? Why are you playing music on the quiet floor? Why are you tapping your foot? Stop it. This. Is. The. Quiet. Floor. Leave.
The person who didn’t study for the quiz
And still gets a better grade than you. They didn’t even know there was a quiz and somehow they managed to ace it.
The person who complains
About every single thing possible. Shut up. We get it; you hate life. Just stop talking.
If this isn’t winter, then I don’t know what is. I’m just trying to make it to class in one piece, without turning into a literal icicle or slipping and falling. It’s so cold I can’t even cry. So while spring takes its sweet time getting here, you can find me wearing four pairs of sweatpants and an electric blanket. At all times. Stay warm and stay out of winter’s way.
