Ahhh, my dear readers, I hear a satirical piece was in demand.
You the people have called, and I have answered with this list of world leaders as coffees.
1. Angela Merkel - Cafe Au Lait.
On the international stage, she is immensely popular and is seen as "balancing" the EU. At home, though, she is controversial (as all leaders are).
2. Andrzej Duda - Affogato.
Known for a witty and occasionally dry sense of humor, you either love it or you don't.
3. Emmanuel Macron - Cappuccino.
Seen as sophisticated and as something you would drink on the Champs-élysées.
4. Juan Guaido - Chai Latte.
This one I was convinced of - some people recognize it as a coffee-type drink, and some people don't. A must-have on the international stage!
5. Theresa May - Piccolo Latte.
Dealing with Brexit is tricky, and some espresso is metaphorically added in discussions.
7. Bonus: Charles Jeanne - Vanilla Spiced Chai.
Not a world leader but the beloved leader of the June Rebellion, whom by popular demand I was asked to assign a coffee to. He has his own flavor and his own beat, with a flair for the dramatic. He is the vanilla spiced chai.