Ahhh, my dear readers, I hear a satirical piece was in demand.
You the people have called, and I have answered with this list of world leaders as coffees.
Angela Merkel - Cafe Au Lait.
On the international stage, she is immensely popular and is seen as "balancing" the EU. At home, though, she is controversial (as all leaders are).
Andrzej Duda - Affogato.
Known for a witty and occasionally dry sense of humor, you either love it or you don't.
Emmanuel Macron - Cappuccino.
Seen as sophisticated and as something you would drink on the Champs-élysées.
Juan Guaido - Chai Latte.
This one I was convinced of - some people recognize it as a coffee-type drink, and some people don't. A must-have on the international stage!
Theresa May - Piccolo Latte.
Dealing with Brexit is tricky, and some espresso is metaphorically added in discussions.
Bonus: Charles Jeanne - Vanilla Spiced Chai.
Not a world leader but the beloved leader of the June Rebellion, whom by popular demand I was asked to assign a coffee to. He has his own flavor and his own beat, with a flair for the dramatic. He is the vanilla spiced chai.