Whether you’re in your teens, 20’s, 30’s or beyond, there’s a high chance that you’ve encountered your fair share of subtly toxic people. A lot of the time, these people come into your lives disguised as a best friend, a lover, or someone else of high importance. In the beginning, they fill your life with nothing but positivity, encouragement, love; as time goes on though, they begin showing small signs that would cause an outsider looking in to be concerned about… but as a someone who cherishes and loves this person, it’s hard to identify the signs of a toxic person, or even worse, it’s hard to come to terms that this person is being a toxic influence in your life. If you’re lucky enough to have never had to deal with someone like this, you likely know someone who has, and you can’t fathom why they continue to keep this person in their life. Here are some signs to look for when trying to pick out the person causing negative energy in your life:
1. They are never at fault.
If they do something wrong, it’s almost not worth confronting them about because you know they aren’t going to own up to it. This person is a mastermind of manipulation; no matter what, they find a way to twist any situation to make it seem as if they’ve done nothing wrong. This is a problem for obvious reasons, but a not-so-obvious reason that this can be toxic to you in your life is that it can cause you to believe you’ve done something wrong. If you’re in an argument, they can tend to put everything on you, and make you feel as if you’re the problem. When you love someone, and this goes on for a long enough period of time, you might begin to believe it.
2. They're selfish.
It’s their way or the highway. This person refuses to do anything, or support any decision that will not ultimately benefit them. Even worse, this person still expects you to do whatever it is that they want to do, and they also expect you to support their every decision. If you’re the kind of person who cannot stand drama, this can be an especially hard trait to pick out as toxic, because you’re almost used to doing whatever it is that will cause the least amount of conflict.
3. They're controlling.
Many toxic people tend to lack control in their daily lives, and can ultimately end up trying to control yours. They try to convince you to make decisions, or to do things you wouldn’t normally do- it’s like peer pressure, but since it’s coming from someone you love and trust, it’s easier to fall into what the person is convincing you of. In a relationship stand point, this person could try to tell you what clothes you can and cannot wear, or what places you can and cannot go. They treat you more as a possession rather than a person. This can be extremely detrimental to self-esteem and to everyday life. When a relationship between two people ends up feeling more like a parent-child relationship, that should be an immediate red flag.
4. They're hurtful.
This seems obvious, but someone who is good at manipulating others can make it seem as if they’re trying to help you, when in reality, they’re just being downright hurtful. As an example, if you’re hanging out with a group of people, this person might share a story about you that’s extremely embarrassing or secretive just to make people laugh. Or, if they don’t agree with something you do, they make you feel awful about it. It may feel like walking on glass when it comes to sharing anything with them because you know they’re going to end up bringing you down.
5. They're extremely jealous.
In a relationship, this person might try to prevent you from having any kind of friendships with those of the opposite gender. They are super particular about who you can hang out with, and are constantly starting fights because you’re with someone they don’t approve of. It seems like a constant battle between choosing your significant other or your friends. When it comes to a friend, they might try to spend every waking second with you. If you hang out with another friend a lot, they might become extremely jealous and potentially sabotage your new friendship. You may feel that no matter how hard you try, it’s impossible to spread your attention evenly without making someone upset.
Amidst the chaos of your daily life, identify those who tend to add to that chaos and decide to make a change. Humans form relationships and bonds to create a positive impact in life, not to cause more stress and unhappiness. If you’re someone who feels even slightly affected by the negativity someone is bringing into your life, maybe it’s time that you put yourself first. Just because you love someone, does not mean you should be continuously making excuses for their actions and/or behavior. Love yourself enough to turn away from whoever is hurting you and adding an extra weight to your shoulders, and pursue new friends or even take time for yourself. Distancing yourself from those who’ve found a place in your heart is far easier said than done, but at some point, you aren’t going to have a choice. Appreciate the people who make life a little easier, and realize you’re much more than those who make it a little harder.
