I can't hate you

I Would Hate You If I Could

I would hate him if I could, but I can't. He knows I can't, but it's like he keeps trying to get me to do so.

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I didn't mean to fall for him. I didn't want to get attached. I never wanted to be THAT girl.

There's something about him that I can't let go. I want to be able to hate him for what he did to me. I want to forget about him. I want to forget the feeling I have when I'm whenever he's around. But no matter how hard I try I can't.

He's always on my mind. I wonder about how he's doing. I wonder if he thinks of me too. I wonder if he feels the same way I do, confused and broken.

I know he wants me to forget him. I can tell that I'm no longer what he wants, his face said it all that day I pulled into the drive-thru. My heart won't listen to what my head is telling it. I can't let him go and believe me, I've tried. Nothing gets him out of my mind. No matter how many times I've been told that he's no good for me or that he's just trying to wait for me to remove myself from his life, I still want him around.

I wish I was still the person he'd call when he found something in the woods or when he wanted whatever leftovers I had from a midnight Sheetz run with my best friend. I miss being that person for him. I know things are different in so many ways. I'm two hours away and he's constantly busy with work or school, but I can't help but wonder what would've happened if we had met at a different time in our lives.

I won't ever know the 'what if' because he and I both are too afraid to find out if we could be something great, or if this feeling I have is just one that I will always keep buried deep inside.

I miss him more and more every time I go home. I want him to be the person I go and visit, but it never seems to work out that way. If I knew our last date was going to be our last, I would've cherished it more than I ever did.

I don't want to miss him anymore. I want to be able to let him go like I know I should. It's so hard trying to keep pretending like I don't, but eventually, I won't.

One day I will be able to breathe freely without a constant fear that I'll see him driving around or sitting in a restaurant around town.

No matter how much I want to hear him say he misses me and that he wishes things were okay with us, I know that that's something I most likely will never get.

I would hate him if I could, but I can't. He knows I can't, but it's like he keeps trying to get me to do so. I wish he knew all the things I can't say. But maybe they'll always remain the things I'll never get to say.

Moving on isn't easy, especially when you don't know if they want you to. It comes with time, but eventually, the dreams, the countless nights crying, and the emptiness they left will disappear. You won't be worried about what they're doing and you will be free. It all comes with time. Time that I haven't gotten yet.

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7 Signals A Girl Will Try To Send You If She Likes You As More Than A Friend

Girls do subliminal things to show you her interest in you. Pay attention to these low key signs that she is shooting her shot.

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It is never easy when a girl has to fully admit her feelings to a guy she likes, so instead, she sends slight signals in hopes that he picks up on her hints.

1. She can't stop smiling at you

She is happy to talk to you and to be in your presence, the smallest things that you do make her want to smile. She can't control the happiness inside and it comes out in a great big smile. In her head, she is just thinking about how much she enjoys spending time with you and how much she likes you.

2. She hugs you with both arms

Side hugs are common, easy, and very universal. She wants to give you full body hug because to show you she feels different about you than any other guy. With a full body hug she can rest her face on your chest and this just brings the two of you closer.

3. She makes direct eye contact

Direct eye contact is always a great sign. This means she is fully aware of everything you are saying and she is completely interested.

4. She scans your face and lips

Upon talking to you, she begins to scan your face. In this moment she is appreciating your attractiveness and completely zoned out. Forget you said anything to her because she probably was not listening. If she is looking at your lips then she definitely wants a kiss.

5. She says "Oh my god, stahhhp"

The 'I'm mad at you, but I'm flirting with you' slogan. She is trying to be cute and pick a fight with you so you can two can play around. She's hoping this will lead to cracking jokes

6. She adjusts her clothing

She is fidgety when your around because she has feelings for you and is nervous. She wants to look her best with you around, so she is subconsciously fixing herself so that nothing looks bad.

7. She sends you cute snap chats

Silly, crazy, and just straight up ugly snap chats are for friends. If her selfies are , done each time, then she cares a lot about how you see her and she wants you to see her at her best. She is not always looking for a compliment, but throw one her way and you will make her day.

Pay attention to the signs a girl is sending. Her body language and behavior around all come together for an important message, she likes you! A lot.

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Ladies, Stop Trying To Teach Boys How To Be Your Man If They're Not Even Men In The First Place

It is your job to love him. But it is not your job to teach him how to love you back.

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I see. this way too often, honestly it upsets me and breaks my heart. It breaks my heart when I see a girl begging her boyfriend to put her on her Snapchat story. It breaks my heart when I see a girl begging her boyfriend to get off a video game and spend time with her. It breaks my heart when I see a girl doodling on a napkin at the dinner table and her boyfriend is on his phone and hasn't even looked up at her once. These things break my heart because this girl, whoever she may be, maybe it is you? She deserves a man. What she has though, is a boy. And before you say anything, yes, there is a huge difference.

I was that girl once. I begged and begged my ex-boyfriend all the time to put me on his Snapchat story. You may be reading this and be thinking "Wow she's a little attention seeking." No, that is not it at all. A simple act of being posted about made me feel special, loved, missed at times, and served as reassurance and a word of affirmation for me. Do you want to know something silly? Maybe you've done it too. Sometimes I would do something crazy to get his attention. Something funny, and silly and random just so he would post me on his story and I wouldn't have to ask.

At the dinner table, I was that girl that while he was on his phone I was sliding him notes on a napkin saying "I love you" or "Hi" or funny jokes to get his full and undivided attention.

At home, I was the girl that used to literally throw myself at him while he was playing video games to try and get him to press pause for two minutes and pay attention to me and have a conversation with me.

You see, I was that girl. But I refuse to ever be that girl again. If you are that girl, stop what you're doing.

It is your job to love him. But it is not your job to teach him how to love you back.

There is a big difference between a boy and a man. Contrary to what society may believe most boys don't actually turn into men until they are almost 40. Scary for us girls right? But here's the kicker and to be honest it has nothing to do with age.

Any boy that is in the process of becoming a man and maturing is going to know how to treat a woman. He is not going to choose video games or his phone over you. He is going to post you everywhere all the time because he wants to show you off to the world and make you feel special. He isn't going to ever leave you wondering.

The list could really go on comparing and contrasting the differences between a boy and a man but the important ones to remember when you are in a relationship are:

1. A boy thinks "me." A man thinks "us"

2. A boy gives false promises. A man honors his commitments (one being you.)

3. A boy cares about how you look in jeans. A man cares about how you look in his future.

4. You will always wonder how a boy feels about you. You will always know how a man feels about you.

All too often I see girls in the act of this. It is almost like they are training a dog or raising a child. They order them around and become demanding when it comes to doing things that make them feel special, validated and reassured. Granted, they are doing this because their relationship is lacking something but the truth is, it shouldn't be lacking something in the first place.

You are dating a boy not a man. I hate to break that to you. I really do. It's the hardest news you'll ever receive. Why? Well because

You can't fix him, you can't teach him, and you can't change a boy into a man. They have to do it on their own

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