I sit here typing trying to find the best words to form sentences that could actually show how much I appreciate you. I know it's been a couple of years since I talked to you, but I really miss you and I wish I didn't give up on you so easily. I wish I could have let go and just relaxed or took a break and not just stop trying. You taught me so many real-life lessons that I can look back and say "hey, gymnastics taught me this."
I miss you! I keep saying this, and I am going to always keep saying this because it's true. I miss home. I miss the feeling of walking through the beautiful open window doors and smelling the strong scent of goals and success. I miss the feel of walking onto the floor barefooted and feeling your strength and guidance going through my body like a push on the swing from my mom when I was little. I miss feeling the putting on my grips and taking over bars. The way the air carries me after my feet pounce the ground picking up all your strength, the way the music to my floor routine fits perfectly with my personality and the way the dance is able to express myself, to the way I fall off beam, probably from a simple half turn to a back handspring and how you give me the determination to keep pushing and to get back up and try again and again till I'm satisfied. And I miss winning and getting medals and just being out their showing my skill and then coming home to thank you and work on new skills to eventually show the world. It was you that made me feel wanted and that even if had trouble outside the gym, I could come home to a safe place and learn and perfect something that means the world to me.
What happened? I got too caught up in wanting to be an ordinary high school student that goes to dances and hangs out late and goes on trips with my other classmates. It was me that decided you weren't enough and... you were, you were the right amount of what I needed in my life. I feel like I let you down, which means I let myself down, and that's my hardest pill to swallow... my worst regret.
You taught me so much with your strength and guidance, and I didn't use that to my advantage and that taught me my biggest lesson in life: just because it looks greener on the other side doesn't mean it's greener on the other side, doesn't mean I am going to be happier... and I wasn't in the end.