I'm an open book but when it comes to relationships, I've always been advised to "not share 'the ugly' with my significant other" as to not push them away or scare them. But that makes no sense. I want my partner to know the real, raw, genuine me–that means, no secrets. They have to love the good and not-as-good sides of me so that we can discern if we are right for one another or not.
I'm not dating someone just because it's fun or because I need a partner in my life. No. I'm looking to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. I want that fairytale ending and I won't stop looking until I get it. Until a man adores my (perfect) imperfections (and if he can serenade me with Bruno Mars's "Just The Way You Are" or John Legend's "All of Me" I wouldn't mind).
I know I'm annoying and everyone's got baggage, but if he truly loves me, he'll stick with me through all the garbage life throws at me (and us).
When you hide your dirt from a significant other, you are assuming your loved one won't understand but, most likely, they will listen, support, and be there for you. You're fabricating notions in your mind as to why not share details of your life, but as a result, you're pushing him/her away. This is your fear.
Love is vulnerable. Scary, right? But there is power to vulnerability as it creates a deeper, stronger bond between two partners. You can't hide when you are committing yourself to someone.
If your significant other doesn't understand, listen, or care for your concerns, then ditch them. You deserve better. You clearly aren't meant for one another. Never let the fear of being alone hold you back because being in a destructive relationship is a lot more damaging than no relationship.
Money is a huge component of life. So, if your partner is entering your life, money is bound to come up. Whether deciding who will pay for a meal or worrying about purchasing gifts, being open to your significant other is only favorable in creating a secure bond between the two of you. If someone is oblivious to your financial concerns, then they don't respect you and your troubles. Who wants to date someone like that?
Don't be a yes-man and say, "No"
No matter who it is, always stand up for yourself, don't let anyone take advantage of you, and say, "No." Your opinions, wants, and needs matter as much as anyone else's does. If you're not feeling Chinese food, say "No." If you don't want to go out, say "No." If you're not in the mood for sexy time, say "No."
You need time alone
Everyone needs space, even if you're in a relationship–don't be afraid to ask for it! You are individuals at the end of the day and doing your own thing apart from one another generates a new spark in your romance.
Here's a saying you've heard a billion times over: everyone makes mistakes. Your partner makes mistakes, you make mistakes, and your neighbor makes mistakes. There is no reason to hide these oopsies you make in life because someone who loves you will still adore you no matter the blunders you have.
If you're suffering with anything, don't be afraid to open up to your loved one. Your partner may not know the "right" thing to say, but allow them to be by your side when you need to cry, when you're hurting, when... anything! Dealing with mental health is challenging, it can be annoying, exhausting, scary, but the people who love you will help you endure the pain. You need those people to support you through the devils of your mind. Someone who loves you won't run away when you act up and need help.
Weight and body image
I always want to divulge my confident side and only that to the world, but, truth is, I'm not always 100% sure of myself. No one is and that's okay! Your partner loves you and your body, use them to boost your body-love!
Sometimes the ex just never goes away. A lot of relationship advice claims that one should never mention their ex to a significant other; however, your past is a part of your life and there are instances when your ex crawls his/her way back in. Don't hide your history from your boyfriend/girlfriend, they can help you get rid of the nuisance that your ex brings into your present world.
If you have any concerns about your relationship, make sure to bring them up as soon as possible. Having little things pile up until you explode is never the way to go. And, trust me, it will happen. I used to be afraid of bringing up matters that bothered me in relationships, but it only got worse. I was worried that if I brought an issue up, we would break up. Now that's a red flag! Two people coming together will always have some issues and being able to work on them together is what creates a strong couple. If a small bump in the road, breaks you apart, you were never meant to be together.
Fear of being boring
You're human and not there to entertain your partner all day long. Being in a relationship is about having that person around the authentic you, not an artificial character who is nothing but chirpy.
When you're mad
People have emotions and being mad is one of them. There is no reason to hide your anger at the world with your someone special. If they are disenchanted because you're annoyed or bitter at a friend, parent, professor, etc. then they aren't the one for you. You need someone who will help you through those rocky times and get you feeling happy again.
We love our friends, but they too can get on our nerves. Fights can get pretty annoying and repetitive, but if you're going through them, a true partner will want to help you through them, as well.
Like our friends, families come with problems and quirks. There is no such thing as a normal family, so never shy away from having your boyfriend/girlfriend help you through those hard patches. If someone turns their back to you because of your crazy family, they were never there for you in the first place. You can't hide your family forever, so it's better that your significant other learns what he/she is getting themselves into early on and if they truly care for the person you are, nothing will scare them away.
So what, you're not flawlessly dolled up 24/7!? You're human and your lover will adore your imperfections and all. You deserve someone like John Legend who says, "'Cause all of me/Loves all of you/Love your curves and all your edges/All your perfect imperfections."
I can't say it enough, sex is a major element of a romantic relationship. You want to be sexually satisfied and you want to fulfill your partner's desires. Therefore, you should never be embarrassed to talk openly about sex. Discuss what you like, what you don't like, what you want more and less of, your fantasies, etc. Your sex life will boom and the happiness within the bedroom always follows out into other parts of your relationship.
Love, like any other language, can be mistranslated and misunderstood. Hence, learning how to communicate your individualized love-talk is a tool that can only benefit your relationship. There are five love languages: acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, and receiving gifts. If you aren't feeling loved, cared for, acknowledged, something is wrong but that doesn't necessarily mean your partner doesn't have those passionate feelings for you. They may just not be conveying those sentiments in the way that your heart understands. Be open about this so you can get down to the nitty-gritty of your endearment for one another.
Back in high school, I had to spend a day in the hospital, but I didn't tell my boyfriend. It isn't enough that for 24 hours he had no clue that I was hospitalized, but for the next three years of our relationship, I still hid that fact from him. I'm not sure why I was so afraid to open up about my medical needs, but I now know that your romantic partner is there to comfort you when you're not in the best shape.
My one and only fear: the future and the unknown. Talking about a shared future is terrifying. What if it doesn't pan out as planned? Yet, I always repeat to myself, "If it doesn't happen, then it means the relationship wasn't the right one for you." It's fun to talk about future plans, so don't let your anxiety stop you from enjoying those moments with your loved one.
The three little words
Saying, "I love you," is scary. These words have such heavy meaning and I, personally, get so distressed when people use it so willingly and thoughtlessly. Nonetheless, if you feel it, say it!