Because the new article deadline is 21 hours, 32 minutes, and 37 seconds away and I have no time to write tomorrow I need a plan. Desperate times call for desperate measures and nothing screams desperate more than resorting to Google for help. That platform seems to hold the answers for everything these days. Here's a few I have heard: "Why is Donald Trump so orange looking?" "What to do when I have boring friends (newsflash-your probably the boring one)?" And my favorite heard searches are the kinds where people use Google as their personal physician. "Google, what's this red lump on my leg mean?" Gee whiz, who needs to read a book or consult a professional in the field when you have Google at your fingertips? Anyways, I'm a hypocrite because guess what helped me find this weeks article idea? I started typing in random animal names to see what crazy suggested searches would pop up, and apparently, there was a man who was attacked by a moose and he wrote all about it. I guess I don't read enough books either because I didn't know moose were aggressive! Nonetheless, after reading this article, if you're ever encountering an angry moose you'll know what to do.
1. Respect the Moose
First, it's good to remember that like any other wild animal, moose become wary when we enter into their environment. Many people, me included, tend to think of moose as big, slow, and kind of dopey creatures. They clearly aren't, so we have to remember that when we are entering into their homes.
2. Summertime means Happy Moose
According to the Department of Fish and Wildlife, moose are agitated easily during the other seasons of Fall, Winter, and Spring. Fall is usually moose breeding season, so bulls (male moose) are already agitated and aggressive as it is and they aren't in the mood to see us traipsing around their forest. During Wintertime, moose are tired and hungry from trudging their 1,200-pound bodies through the deep snow. So, when they see us all giddy and snowshoe-clad, I don't blame them for being annoyed then either! Finally, Springtime is when baby moose (calves) are born, so mother moose may feel extra threatened when humans are near. SO, looks like summertime is the best time to hike in moose infested areas. It's good to know these facts just in case you felt like hiking the other nine months out of the year...
3. Know the Moose
Before getting into the attack and survival tips, let's learn a bit about the moose. You might be thinking by now, "Wow, this article is beginning to suck." Well, you know what else sucks? Being run over by a 1,200-pound animal, that's what! It's good to know some fun facts. Moose are large mammals that can weigh up to 1,200 pounds. Being so large, it's hard to believe that these guys can run. But they can run pretty fast (up to thirty miles per hour)! Moose are also not fearful of us humans. Because of this, we may let our guard down because they seem cute, but they become less cute looking while charging at you going thirty miles per hour. And the last fun fact before we get serious is that the plural form of moose is just "moose". Not "Meese", "Meeses", or "Mooses" (Thanks, Dad, for convincing me otherwise).
4. Know the Signs
Have you ever seen an angry horse? Moose display some of the same characteristics before attacking. If a moose is about to attack it will do the following:
a. Stare intently at you and begin sizing you up.
b. Lay its ears back (like a horse) and raise the hair on its hump, neck, and hips.
c. It lowers its head and may lick its lips or click its teeth.
d. Like a horse, it may throw its head back, and you can see the whites of its eyes.
e. Finally, it urinates. Maybe the moose thinks if it weighs less it can reach its max speed, but I'm not entirely sure-never stuck around to ask.
5. Protect Yourself-Be Smart
If you see a moose in your path, the best thing to do is back up and give it space. This the same if you are driving. Apparently, moose have no problem attacking cars either. Don't become inpatient with a moose if he is crossing the road. Just give him time and space. If your on foot and one charges you, try to run behind the nearest tree, fence, or bush (a big one preferably) so that you can separate yourself from the angry moose. If it happens to catch you and knock you down, curl up in a ball so that your head and vital organs can be protected. When your done being kicked around, wait till the Moose has walked a good distance away before getting back up; otherwise, the moose will turn around and attack again.
That's all the survival tips I could find with the help of Google. Thanks, Rudolph, for not telling anyone your distant cousin is a crazy man-charging psychopath! I hope now whoever reads this can go hiking in moose territory with some peace of mind. I know I feel more informed and safe.
