So here you are. You never try TO be and your friends never try to MAKE you be, but it just so happens that you’re the “Designated Ugly Fat Friend,” or DUFF for short.

It has happened for ages- middle school, high school, college-- basically ever since your brain was able to comprehend what the definition of “self- esteem issues” could be. You have noticed that your weight wasn’t matched, your skin wasn’t the clearest and your hair wasn’t the nicest out of your group of close friends. They didn’t seem to care about the way you looked but their constant put downs of themselves made you think “if you think you’re that, then what does that make me?” It hurts.

I have been there and I am STILL here. It is almost impossible to not compare yourself to your skinniest friend, your prettiest friend, the one with the biggest butt, or the one with the best makeup skills-- and as if impossible things weren't hard enough to reach, it is even HARDER to try to ignore all of these facts.

I have experienced first hand that constant self-shaming, constant attempts at dieting or going to the gym, bad cycles of eating disorders and more do absolutely nothing to help you-- but neither did “growing up.”

In fact, college is when it REALLY hits the hardest. As if I haven’t been building my self-esteem up for these past few years, nothing feels worse than it all tumbling down when you come to a campus with 46,000 kids and you feel yourself comparing yourself to every girl you see walk past you on your way to your class. I coined myself the DUFF when I realized that I always seem to be the worst of the group. My friend group now has the skinny friend, the big butt friend, the charming friend and compared to them-- all I feel is microscopic. It has nothing but a negative impact on the way I think about everything and it honestly is not something new to me.

And now for the point of this article.

Like I said earlier, coming to college you really experience new levels of self-criticism and on my journey of “hating myself more,” but I have been trying to dig deeper in ways to stop doing that.

If you have read this far, you might think that you are the DUFF of your friend group and you want some serious business on how to overcome being such but truth is, you’re not the DUFF. In fact, designated ugly fat friend isn’t true. Want to know why? Because we live in a day and age where we should understand the concept of “everyone is beautiful.” It isn’t some cheesy stuff because everyone IS beautiful. We grew up in a society that tries to set a definition to a beauty standard that does nothing but negatively affect those in the world who can’t reach that impossible standard. Your beauty is not a number on the scale, it is not a pigment in your skin, it is not the length of your hair and it is not the flaws on your face. There is nothing designated, nothing ugly and nothing fat about stretch marks that are tiger stripes. Acne that is normal and hair on your arms that is natural. You are none the less perfect because of such things. You are just a friend. You are loved. You are just beautiful and trust me-- you care about these things more than anyone else, ESPECIALLY your FRIENDS. Start with loving yourself for who you are. Body positivity starts with your own mind. From now on, 'ugly' is a dirty word and it is no longer in your vocabulary. Fat is a negative term, so is acne and thin hair. None of these things correspond with 'ugly.' If one day you wake up and you feel any less beautiful, just stare in the mirror and think positive things. Compliment yourself, compliment strangers, walk around naked, embrace your body, don’t try to fit stereotypes-- just all around LOVE YOURSELF because life's too short to spend the time we have in our own skin wishing we could unzip ourselves from it and be someone else.