So, as a disclaimer, I have to say, I am by NO MEANS a relationship expert. I’m a family studies major who knows a good bit about how to have successful family relations and whatnot, but I’m no expert on anything dating-related. I have, however, had my fair share of broken hearts. They come in varieties, and I think I’ve covered a wide-range. Over the years, this is just some of the wisdom I’ve accumulated to help you move on after a breakup.
1. “Move on” means “move on with YOUR life”
Your life is not defined by the failed relationships in it. You don’t have to “move on” with someone else in order to “move on” with your own life. Whether it means learning to leave the past behind and being able to focus on something else or just starting a new chapter in general, you need to know that you don’t need someone else to be there in order to kill it on your own.
2. Do NOT jump into another relationship
That being said, I would actually HIGHLY advise you to NOT “move on” with someone else right away. You need time to heal. You need time to do you. Even if you think you don’t, once you jump into something new, you’ll find yourself constantly comparing and contrasting your ex and the new person, constantly noticing tiny differences in the relationships, and you cant just automatically “reset”. You can't be single WITH someone else; it doesn't work like that! Take time to take a time out with dating.
3. Don’t go online
Just don’t do it. Given, we probably all know a few people who have had success stories from Tinder or match.com or something, but I really don’t think this is the best option for anyone. You’re basing your opinion of someone off of photos that may not even be current, and you’re jumping right into the “let’s date” phase. Take the time to be friends with someone or at least meet them in person before agreeing to sit through a date with them. It can help avoid a lot of awkwardness.
4. Do Delete AND Block
After that breakup, don’t even try to convince yourself that this person is going to be your friend. Friends are there to support each other and provide guidance, and at this age, a lot of guidance centers around relationships. Do you REALLY think that you can honestly tell your ex the same kind of relationship advice that you would tell your best friend? I highly doubt it. Stop dwelling on pictures, old statuses, the good times… just let it go. It’s a memory now. Delete, block, and reframe.
5. Do allow yourself to cope
I wasn’t kidding before when I said don’t jump into something else. You really need time to be yourself, even if it’s hard. Don’t try to cover up the sad feelings with someone else, but also don’t try to cover them up with other things. Don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t distract yourself too much. You need to feel the pain to move on from it; otherwise, you’ve just suppressed it, and it’s just going to keep popping up and lingering.
6. Don’t let your feelings overpower your life
While you need to feel the pain, don’t let it ruin you. Remember that this is only temporary, and things will get better. You don’t want to willingly send yourself into a spiraling depression, so while it’s okay to acknowledge your feelings, you need to make sure that you’re still living your life.
7. Do force yourself to stay busy
In order to stop the feelings from overpowering your life, it’s a really good idea to stay busy. I know; you’re sad, you want to stay in your bed all day, nap, watch Netflix, eat copious amounts of chocolate, all that jazz…don’t do it. You need to keep yourself active because that’s the only way you’re going to keep moving forward. I know you’re sad, but it’s just a breakup. And, in the grand scheme of things, you’re going to regret halting your entire life just to sit in your room crying all day.
8. Focus on what does make you happy
This is the most important thing. While you’re going to be feeling sad, you need to remember that you have the capability of feeling happy as well. You may have lost one person that brought you joy, but I would be more than willing to bet that you also have friends who do the same thing; I bet you have family or pets or music or books or movies or SOMETHING, even if it’s just the smell of a lotion, that brings you some kind of comfort or positive emotion. You can make it through this, and it will be easier to get through if you don’t deny yourself simple pleasures. Life is too short to waste it crying about someone; focus on the good, focus on the happy, and you’ll be just fine.
I promise.
