Unless you’re a hermit or a recluse, you live each day in the company of other people. When you interact with other people, inevitably you are going to have conflicts with these people. But as I’m getting older, I’m learning that very few people actually know how to deal with conflict or have a fight. I’m definitely no expert on how to have a good fight, but I’ve learned a few things recently on how to fight better. Here are a few of my tips.

1. Don’t be afraid to actually have a fight.

So many people are afraid of conflict that they’d rather be miserable and unhappy than address the issue at hand. Conflict in itself is not bad. Actually, sometimes arguments can be really helpful in bringing about a solution. Do not be scared to address something that bothers you. If you have an opinion, share it.

2. Don’t do it angry.

I’ve gotten the advice before to not go to bed angry with someone. Honestly, sometimes it’s better to let an argument sit for a little bit so that everyone involved can cool down a little bit. It’s better to have an argument with a level head than to let your emotions get the better of you.

3. Don’t do it distracted.

Nothing is more annoying than a one sided conversation. It is especially important to put aside distractions when you’re having an argument. No cell phones. No television. Just pay attention to what the issue at hand is and be committed to work it out.

4. Figure out what you’re actually upset about.

I have found it really helpful for myself to take a step back when I’m angry and write out what I’m upset about in that moment. This helps me to address the current issue and not bring up past disagreements. Maybe you don’t have to write down what you’re upset about, but address one issue at a time.

5. Actually work out a solution.

Usually, just saying “I’m sorry” at the end of an argument isn’t enough. Apologies are definitely good, but they should be accompanied by “How can we improve this issue?” This will also help keep an identical argument from coming up again.