Stereotypical restaurant customers and servers are a thing of the present because none of us know how to act. We end up pissing each other off and calling the manager, so here are some tips and tricks for the people who need it the most.
From the perspective and judgement from a current server, take my advice on how to not be that jackass customer that everyone complains about and tells the newbies about during training.
1. Overall pleasantry
It doesn't matter if you ask about our day or compliment us or just say 'hi,' at least say something to acknowledge us being human too before blurting out what drink you'd like. It's not a great start when your first words are 'sweet tea with a lemon and light ice' without even adding a simple, "please." Say thank you for the simple things, especially if we took longer than expected because chances are we have already received sh*t from our boss about it. And if you're really daring, start a conversation with us because, if we are slow, we will eat that up. Anything is better than rolling silverware, even talking about your family's holiday plans.
Do not ever snap, whistle, or clap to get our attention. All hell breaks loose then, because while we are serving you, we are not your slave attached by a leash. Snapping is for poetry, not a drink order.
Also, please don't stare at your phone while trying to talk to me. I know that email is important, but it isn't going to just disappear on you. On the other hand, I sure as hell will.
2. Ordering
Being complicated is OK, but know how to explain it, so it doesn't bite both of us in our asses later. Remember, under-cooking meat is easier to fix than overcooking it. Unfortunately, we have not invented a time machine yet.
If you don't know your drink of the night, ask questions, because it's also easier to fix than running 10 wrong drinks and having to pay for them ourselves. And if you spill a drink, please know that we are not taking it off of the tab no matter what authoritative figure you bring into the picture. Everyone, including you, knows who's fault it was, and it wasn't ours.
If you have a severe allergy, tell us, even if it doesn't really have to do with what you ordered, because the last thing we need is to be digging through a stranger's purse looking for an EpiPen while praying we can afford a lawyer.
3. Tips
Every customer is entitled to their own tip based on the service that they received, but I would like to put it into perspective for you: servers are not paid minimum wage. While I was serving, I made $2.13 an hour because our tips are supposed to be more than enough to weigh it out at the end of the night. With five percent or even 10 percent tips, it makes it harder to meet goals and pay bills, unless the service really reflected that tip. In that case, you might want to write a note on the back of the receipt telling them to find another day job, because they sure as hell shouldn't keep this one.
Coupons. Oh, how we hate these. Coupons save you money, but unfortunately, don't save us time or effort, so please reconsider your idea to tip on this discounted price.
4. Children, of any type
If your kid is not at least attempting to be quiet or polite while I am at the table, please reconsider your family dinner idea. Also, don't let them destroy the table and throw the crayons half-way across the restaurant unless you are tipping us for dealing with the devil. Don't get us wrong, kids give us the opportunity to decorate their desserts, which we love, but they also bring a sense of chaos and discounts.
Being a server means fast money with some effort, and that 'some' usually ends up being a lot of running around and screaming. It's a bipolar business. Dinner rushes make enemies and feelings get hurt, but in the end, if you're doing it right, the money will make you keep coming back shift after shift.
1. Conversations
The customers don't really care about your holiday plans or the weather, so think deeper, especially during a lull of the day and barely any tables. Granted, some tables will never want to ever make eye-contact with you, but some will spark the best conversations you will ever have in your life. I've been through boob jobs to politics and even some marijuana conversations with the elderly, their side and mine.
2. Up-sell
Usually the house alcohols are sh*t, and everyone knows that, so up-sell as much as you can. If someone is actually there to enjoy a whiskey and coke, chances are they like the nice stuff and will go for the Maker's Mark or Jameson. Same for vodka, and if your restaurant has Takka, quit while you can.
3. Timing
Check on them regularly, from afar. Don't go up and ask every five minutes if they need a refill, because everyone has eyes. Instead, ask about their food or bar drinks a few minutes after delivery. And then, check back again when the food is half or fully gone: boxes? dessert? If they need anything else, they'll ask for it when you bring the food or check back the first time.
4. Create friends
Coworkers can be fun. Bosses can be fun. Customers can be fun. Everyone has a great side to them. You just have to learn how to find it. Get on everyone's good side, and if you hate them enough to not want to try to be on their good sides, then just go ahead and quit while you're ahead. You need those people to vent to or laugh with or ask to cover shifts. Plus, these people turn into a family, so use them like one. But always keep personal issues out of the restaurant.
Working in the restaurant business was one of the best decisions I've ever made, but I've also learned a lot. It's an experience that really can't be described without sounding bat-sh*t crazy.
