Ahhh, it's that time of the year again: summer. A time to show off yourself at the two piece bikini. As a person who barely exercises and has the eating habits of a 5 year old, I am the expert on how to get a bikini worthy body. Here is the track plan to get the bod of your dreams:
1. Admit that you don't exercise enough.
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C'mon, it's okay to admit that you should spend a bit more time doing cardio or lifting weights. But you need to start if you want to have the freaking abs of the screaming people on the covers of Insanity.
2. Start to plan your meals.
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An important part of getting the body you want is to cut out sugar and carbs. Start to plan your meals so you can save time, and can make sure you don't go astray.
3. Realize that even the foods you thought were good for you are bad for you.
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Seriously, even a Clif Bar has 22 grams of sugar. If you look on CalorieCounter, it claims that eating carrots are bad for you, because the sugar level is too high.
4. Cry because you realize the only good thing to eat is lettuce
You're going to have to eat a salad for lunch. You're going to become one of those people.
5. Start going to the gym.
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Get up early, put on clothes that you don't mind getting down and dirty in, and arrive to the gym.
6. Realize that everyone at the gym knows what they're doing, but you don't.
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What the hell do these machines do? Why is that ripped guy doing that with the machine when you were doing it another way?
7. Feel embarrassed because you can only stay on the treadmill for about 5 minutes.
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Let's be realistic: hell isn't flames flying everywhere. It's a never-ending treadmill.
8. Sing a song as you attempt to lift weights.
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*WEEEEEEE ARE THE CHHAMMMMMPPPIIIOOOOONNNSSSSSS, MY FRRIIIIEEEENNNNNDDDDSSS*
9. Leave the gym feeling disappointed in yourself, and eat a chocolate bar because you feel sad about not having the perfect body.
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And cry. Cry some more.
10. Realize that there is one way to get a beach body without the effort of it.
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What's the secret?
11. Put on a bathing suit.
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I know it can be difficult. But just do it.
12. Go to the freaking beach.
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Cause in all honesty, no one cares.
