Guilt is, in a way, a pretty useful emotion to experience. That feeling of wrongdoing that sits deep in your stomach is what makes you human. It's what drives you to apologize, helps heal those you've hurt and maintains who you want to be morally. But there comes a time when the consequences of guilt become more detrimental to you than useful.
If you've ever made a mistake before in your life, you know that guilt is a cruel and vicious emotion to battle. We’ve all had that moment where we mess up — big time — and the repercussions of guilt and regret persist long after the mistake is dead and buried. But when the pressure of guilt persists long after it needs to, it can destroy your mental health and wellbeing. It's not an easy process, but following these steps to forgiving yourself after a wrongdoing is just as important as seeking forgiveness from those you've hurt.
1. Admit you’ve done wrong.
This seems obvious, and if you've really hurt someone, you've probably already done this a couple of times. But quality is better than quantity — it’s better to apologize sincerely and wholeheartedly once than offer forced apologies over and over again. But the reality is that if you’re experiencing guilt, the best remedy is to admit that you messed up, no matter how painful that may be. It’s embarrassing to admit that you did something wrong, but seeking forgiveness from the people you’ve caused pain is the first logical step in forgiving yourself. However, if you offer several heartfelt, sincere apologies and make all the effort in the world to earn forgiveness, and you still aren’t forgiven, don’t hold it against yourself. Again, you’re human, and if you’ve made every possible effort to make up for what you’ve done wrong, you deserve to move on and forgive yourself even if others refuse to.
2. Reflect on who you want to be.
That’s the cool thing about guilt! By doing something wrong and experiencing remorse for it, you come to a better understanding as to who you want to be as an individual. If you got caught talking behind a friend’s back and you feel miserable because of it, chances are you’ll realize that you don’t want to be the kind of friend who does that. The best thing you can take away from this painful experience is to recognize that you don’t want to repeat your mistakes, and apply that to how you act in the future. Recognizing that your mess-ups can actually help you better develop as a person can be a crucial step into allowing yourself to forgive yourself.
3. Move on.
Guilty feelings can even linger long after you've earned forgiveness from those you've hurt, and often the biggest struggle is this last part — moving on and leaving your mistakes in the past when they’re still very much alive in your consciousness. It’s important to recognize that only so much of the situation is in your control, and sometimes you need to admit there’s nothing further you can do to make amends for it. If you’ve done everything you can to fix the situation externally, the only thing left for you to do is liberate yourself. It’s important for you to realize that wallowing in guilt will only do a limited amount of healing, and remember that letting go of your mistakes doesn’t mean you’re undermining what happens.
