Generally, people tell you that you should use the time period between graduating high school and going off to college to “bury the hatchet” with anyone you don’t get along with. It’s a good way to go to school without any burdens weighing on you, knowing that you’ve made peace with anyone you might have had any problems with.

It’s a nice sentiment, but it’s easier said than done — as most things are. At least for me. For some reason, I find the idea of forgiveness very hard.

Now, I’m a pretty stubborn person, I’ll admit that. When I make up my mind about something, I stick to it, and it takes a lot of convincing to get me to change it. And I have a good memory. So when people hurt me or hurt someone I care about, I remember it, and I have a hard time letting it go.

I’ve noticed that forgiveness seems to come a lot easier to my friends and family than it does to me, and I’ve spent a good deal of time trying to figure out why. I think I narrowed it down to two reasons:

Sometimes, when someone does something that hurts me or makes me angry, I have trouble forgiving them because I feel like if I do, it’ll mean that I’m giving them permission to hurt me again. You know when someone says, “I’m sorry” the typical response is “It’s okay.” Most of the time it usually is okay, but once in a while it just . . . isn’t.

I’ll probably get laughed at for this, but I only just recently learned that when someone apologizes to you, you don’t have to say, “It’s okay.” You can say, “I appreciate that,” or “Thank you,” or even just “Okay.” Not everything has to be forgiven right away. I really like those responses, and I’m trying to remember to use them consistently.

Another reason why I think I find forgiveness so difficult is because of my pride. If I’m in a disagreement with someone, I’ll seldom be the first one to reach out and try to make things right. Unless it’s someone I really care about, I’m willing to let that relationship go, even if it’s over something stupid. It’s a pretty big flaw of mine, but it’s one that I’m working on.

I think it’s important to find empathy when you’re feeling like you can’t forgive somebody. We can all remember a time when we screwed up but we were forgiven anyway. Every time we look back on it it’s like, wow, I can’t believe so-and-so really forgave me for that.

Obviously, I get that there’s some things you just can’t get past, and some things you just can’t forgive. There’s people who I have bad blood with, and at this moment in time, it seems like we always will. But I’ve also had people I hated become my best friends — people who I’ve loved, fought with, and then loved again.

So I think in terms of forgiveness, it takes effort from both sides. I’m not saying it’s not hard, because believe me, I know it is. It’s human nature to be angry and spiteful when our pride or self-esteem is injured. But I think that no matter how hard it is, and no matter how hurt you are, it says something about you if you’re willing to try.