It’s something we all experience at some point in our lives—the feeling of wanting to forgive someone that may not have realized (or cared) that he or she has done anything wrong. It is a struggle of getting to a place mentally where we are at peace with the situation and ready to move on from the hurt this person caused us. How do we get here when the person isn’t sorry? And why should we forgive them if they aren’t even asking us to?
First of all, if you haven’t told them that they hurt you, you should. Maybe they haven’t apologized because they didn’t realize what they did. If you have told them, however, and they don’t seem to care, holding onto that animosity is only hurting you. It’s more weight and baggage that you have to carry around. If they don’t care, then why should you? The pain you felt or are feeling is temporary, and not forgiving this person will only make you relive the emotions whenever you think of him or her.
My mom always told me, “The opposite of love is indifference.” Hating someone just shows that you are still invested enough in the situation to let them hurt you. If you become indifferent, nothing they say or do can ever make you feel vulnerable like that again. They may not be sorry. They may be proud of how they hurt you; they may not know, or they may not want to know. Regardless, forgiving them is your way to becoming the bigger person—to not allow them to have the power over you to hurt you any longer. You also cannot force them to say sorry. Just like you can’t force someone to quit smoking if they’re not ready or to go on a diet if they don’t want to; apologizing either happens naturally or it doesn’t happen. Hearing the words “I’m sorry” means nothing if it isn’t genuine. So why are you waiting for the two most meaningless words to come out of some apathetic person’s mouth? If they are truly sorry, they will say so, and mean it, and their actions will back up their speech. If not, it is time to make a decision. Will you hold onto the hate or sadness and have your stomach drop every time you think of them, or will you decide to move on?
It takes a lot of inner strength and maturity to get past a situation that hurt you so much. Be the bigger person and don’t let them have that power over you. You don’t even have to tell them that you forgive them; if you truly do, the weight of the world will come off your shoulders. Their name can pop up on social media or in passing conversation and it won’t bring you back. You won’t even flinch or think twice about it. As soon as you can forgive the person that hurt you, whether they want to be forgiven or not, you can heal the pain they caused and simply move on.
