Fear. What a vicious thing. A terrible monster. Can it be tamed?

My faith in God, or rather God Himself, battles and destroys certain fears that try to possess me. But there is a certain extent to which my humanity blocks courage, boldness, and the sense of peace I know should come with belief in the divine.

How much of our days do we spend in absolute turmoil, far from peace and full of fear?

The fear that I’m not beautiful enough. The fear that I’m not smart enough. The fear that my comment will be taken the wrong way, or that I am ignorant. The fear that I will never understand. The fear that people will know that I don’t know what I’m doing.

The fear that an awkward interaction will change someone’s perception of me. The fear that one mistake will drive someone away. The fear that I’m not a good friend. The fear that I am hurting people without intending to do so. The fear that I’m just not good.

The fear that I won’t get everything done. The fear that I’m not doing well and that I’m failing at my responsibilities. The fear that I’m doing the wrong things. The fear that I will screw it up. The fear that I just won’t be able to make it.

The fear that I’m letting other people live my life for me. The fear that I’m making the wrong choices. The fear that I’m letting my potential slip, wasting the gifts I’ve been given. The fear that the gifts I think I have are all in my head.

The fear that my talents won’t measure up to the standards of the world. The fear that I will disappoint my family. The fear that things won’t get better, that I won’t grow, that I can’t be the person I want to be.

Many of these fears are real— not necessarily rational, however. It is possible that an assortment of the things I fear may actually happen. But fear itself, the power of darkness that drives the human heart to tremble within its own existence— fear (not anxiety, which is different) is somewhat of a choice, I think. At least for me.

Because I know that everything will be okay. I know that my worth does not depend on things outside of my intrinsically sacred humanness. I know that what other people think doesn’t matter, that my future does not need to align with anyone else’s yardstick to be a good one, that I am completely capable of living the life I was meant to live.

Yet I still fear.

Instead of bottling that up, I’m trying to share. Maybe we should share more of this fear with one another. You know when the teacher says, “Don’t be afraid to ask a question because someone is probably wondering the same thing”— perhaps we shouldn’t be afraid to let our fear show because odds are, someone close to us feels the same way. And we could battle it together.

That’s what this is. A battle. A battle against fearing things that have no power over you except within the confines of your own mind. Your mind is beautiful, but sometimes, it’s just not a friend.

I don’t want to be afraid. I want to be bold, courageous, and fearlessly Erika. I don’t want to be caught, stuck in my fear. And I don’t want you to be afraid either. Fear is a nasty blow that bruises over time, discoloring the vivid you that is meant to exist.

I’m going to try to let go. I’m well aware this will be a lifelong effort, and I’m also well aware that I am a mere human and cannot entirely rid myself of something as human as fear itself. But I’m going to keep trying to let go of the nonsensical worry and dread that drown me in place.

I am tired of letting fear run the world.

And you, you with the fear that lives inside. What are you going to do about it?