Expressing my feelings adequately has never been one of my strong suits.

That's why I prefer to write; it's easier for me to formulate my feelings into written words and descriptions that will actually convey how I feel on a day-to-day basis rather than attempt to verbally string together the words and end up sounding like an idiot.

So to accurately tell you how I feel each and every day, I've decided to describe to you the weather.

Most days, I wake up and the horizon is clear. It stretches out before me into a sea of beautiful pale blue, reaching into the endless depths of the universe, teeming with opportunities.

The sun shines brightly, rays wrapping me in an embrace and helping to pull me through the day, making me feel warm and happy with each passing hour. It seems as if the world is in my hands and that it is mine to conquer. I am confident, I am strong, but most of all, I am happy.

But there are some days where I wake up and I cannot see the sun, nor can I remember what the sun ever even looked or felt like. It has seemingly disappeared forever behind a thick curtain of gray clouds, clouds filled to the brim with raindrops, ready to violently cascade down and soak the earth below at any moment.

There is no sense of warmth and I am left to drag myself through time that nearly moves backward, and I feel that no matter how much I fight, I will never see the sun again. I am insecure, I am weak, but most of all, I am anything but happy on these kinds of days.

These kinds of days used to sneak up on me unexpectedly. But with time, it seemed the sun had permanently disappeared.

For a while, I couldn't figure out why I was having these days. I missed the sun. I missed feeling on top of the world. Instead, I felt like I was on the bottom, suffocating underneath the universe's iron thumb, forever destined to live my days in perpetual cloudiness.

And the worst part was that I didn't know how to snap out of it. I couldn't shake the sadness, the guilt, the hopelessness, the self-deprecation. I couldn't shake the racing thoughts, the fatigue, the disinterest, the loneliness.

But what scared me the most was that I couldn't stop thinking, What's the point?

That's when I knew I needed help. I needed to know that even though I didn't feel it anymore, that somewhere inside me, I still had a zest for life. I needed to know that I had a purpose on this earth because somewhere along the path of life, I had lost mine.

Therapy can be a great way to get to the heart of what's causing you pain. However, it's not a miracle worker for all. And I quickly discovered that after a few sessions. I wanted a quick fix, and therapy was not going to give me that.

And that made me feel even more discouraged. Would I ever be able to see the sun again? My hope quickly dwindled.

Fine, I thought. Maybe I'm just unfixable. Maybe I just have to pretend. Pretend that I'm fine.

So that's what I did. I stopped going to therapy and tried to channel what I believed happiness used to feel like. I mustered up the courage to smile, to get up and get dressed every day. To go out and look like I'm living my life.

In fact, I grew so good at pretending I was happy that for a while, I truly believed I was. Life, to me, was good; I was about to jet off to Europe and live my life to the fullest. I saw glimpses of the sun again, and I was happy.

Or so I thought.

You see, the thing about pretending--which I had yet to discover--is that eventually, you have to stop pretending. You can only paint on a smile for so long.

So here I was in Florence, in the most beautiful city on planet Earth, where I should've been able to see the sun on the horizon, to see the endless opportunities that lay before me, and yet, my feelings of loneliness, insecurity, and sadness crept back into my life like old friends. Except I didn't want these friends back in my life. I wanted my other old friends, my old, happy self back.

And that's when it hit me--other people cannot fix you. When you are broken in a million pieces, your heart and soul shattered at your feet, you are the only one who can put yourself back together. You know yourself better than anyone; you are the only one who can find your happiness again.

After a lot of soul searching, I knew that I was unhappy because I was making myself unhappy. I was the one telling myself I wasn't good enough. I was the one twisting other's words into something negative and reflecting it back onto myself. I was the one holding myself back. I was the one putting myself through Hell. I was my own worst enemy.

I decided in that moment of brokenness, looking at all of the beautiful parts of myself scattered across the floor, that my brokenness had brought me clarity. I knew I needed to make a change within myself to find the sunshine again.

From that moment on, I discovered every day a hidden strength that I had long ago lost. And it was all because of a change in my mindset. Rather than thinking, The world is out to get me, I thought, The world is what I make of it.

Since then, my days have grown exponentially sunnier, the heavy, gray clouds rolling farther and farther out of sight. After months of being numb, I can finally feel the warm rays of happiness again--and it feels good.

I genuinely like the person I see reflecting back at me, physically and mentally. And while I may have scars and rough patches from my own rebuilding, I am once again whole. Imperfectly perfect. Happily me.

I just want those of you who have ever felt broken to know that despite the way your mind makes you feel inferior and incapable of anything and everything, despite the sadness and the loneliness and everything in between, you are strong and capable of finding your happiness once again. The strength is within you to make the necessary change in your life. Your strength may be lost, but what is lost can always be found.

And by no means am I perfect. Some days, the clouds still roll in and block my sunshine. But, they say that even on cloudy days, the sun never ceases to shine. I know that now.