Every one-hundred eight seconds, an American is sexually assaulted and in a given year there are eigty-nine thousand reported (and even more when it comes to unreported) cases of rape. Never did I think I would be among this number but I am.

I am a victim of rape.

Isn't it sad that the rape culture has it drilled in our minds that the idea of unwanted sexual encounters will lead one to think that a person "regrets" what had just happened to them? The rape culture has the victim left to feel ashamed because they weren't “smart enough” for trusting someone who just decided to hurt them. It seems to be our fault because of the events leading up to this rape. We are blamed solely for bringing on the rape because we’ve engaged in kissing the rapist before he was a rapist. That would be like hanging out with someone before they killed someone and became a murderer, all your faith, trust, and sense of safety; gone.

Unless it's happened to you, you don't understand completely, and I tell you what, feeling so alone hurts.

The rape culture ignores just how simple and important consent truly is. Just by justifying that the victim's prior actions hold them more accountable than a rapist's inability to control their sexual urges and/or lack of respect. It is so important to know that if you did NOT want to have sex with a person (or even engage in any type of sexual activity) and that other person still keeps going knowing that they did not truly gain consent from you; it is rape.

Earlier this year, I was sexually assaulted by a boy I was romantically interested in. I told my story and tried to get help. I was left to the wolves with questions like "What were you wearing?" "Why didn't you say no more?" "Why didn't you scream for help?" and of course, my personal favorite statement, "That's when you really fucked up."

Sadly even with evidence, I wasn’t given the justice I deserved and I have been left to deal with it all by myself. A couple months ago, I raped by a male friend that I was romantically interested in. Just like seventy percent of other rapes, mine went unreported and I only told a couple people. I knew that my choice to be involved with him made me partly accountable for being raped. I was scared of being judged again, of what he would do, and what would happen to him. I wasn't prepared nor knew what was happening.

This was the moment I lost my virginity. I felt forced. I had to talk myself into it and I wanted it to stop, from the second I told him I wasn't ready. This time, I didn't want to make a big deal; as clearly nothing worked for me before and it was easier to remain silent and struggle alone. I knew that to make an accusation, I would need proof that I didn't have because in a court of law, he is innocent until proven guilty and I am a liar until proven honest. He scarred me forever but I didn't have it in me to fight back, to be let down, or even to be left to be looked at like a liar...again.

A lot of the people around me didn't believe me because of that initial confusion. But consent is consent, and without it, it is rape. The situation I was in left me alone, while others continued to build up the guy who hurt me, breaking my heart even more daily.

I share my story now because I know there are others who can relate and I want them to know they are not alone. Today's rape culture sucks, and I won't stand for it. I share my story now because I no longer feel stupid or lonely. I share my story because I am no longer embarrassed or ashamed of what happened to me. I don't care what people have to say, what they think, and I don't need to feel accepted just because something bad happened to me.

I share my story today because I know that my actions leading up to being raped do not justify my rapist's inability to control himself or give him the right to control me. These are both very scary and upsetting days that I will most likely need therapy to really get over. I wish, pray, and hope that someday instead of teaching victims to cover up their bodies, feel ashamed for one's inability to control themselves, and instead of acting without consent that we teach men (and woman) to respect women (and men). Because that's the real issue here is respect.