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I Asked 11 People If They Would Get An Arranged Marriage, And The Responses Varied

"I'd hate to think my life was preset for me."

QueenRadhi

Jul 20, 2020

The State University of New York at Stony Brook

8676

I Asked 11 People If They Would Get An Arranged Marriage, And The Responses Varied

Netflix

It's summer and that means it's wedding season! Since many weddings have been canceled this year, I wanted to conduct a survey to gather responses to see how people feel about arranged marriages in order to understand people's perspectives on love during a pandemic. So, I interviewed 11 people and their feelings were mixed.

Interestingly enough, out of the 11 people who responded to the survey, 100 percent of the females said they would not get an arranged marriage, while at least 33 percent of the males said they would get an arranged marriage.

Essentially everyone — even those who said they would consider getting an arranged marriage — mentioned the importance of having the right to choose in their responses and it was refreshing to read each person's explanation. I praise those who were brave enough to speak out about their unfortunate arranged marriages. Life is a learning experience and we are all here to help each other grow.

Of course, I respect every response and encourage you all to find your true happiness no matter the stakes. Here's what the 11 respondents had to say:

1. "I'd hate to think my life was preset for me..." - Curtis, 27 (Male)

Would you get an arranged marriage? No

"I mean I wouldn't have a choice if I were younger and that's what my family's beliefs were, then yeah. But no, I'd hate to think my life was preset for me and that's the ultimate sign of control that your parents have over you and now once you're 'old enough to make your own decisions' they strip you of that as well. So I am against."

2. "I don't believe in marrying..." - Sota, 32 (Male)

Would you get an arranged marriage? No

"I don't believe in marrying at all."

3. "I'd rather hire an assistant..." - Marc, 28 (Male)

Would you get an arranged marriage? No

"I'd rather hire an assistant. Saves the headache, without closing the door on things. A partner and an assistant are completely different to me. To be a romantic partner is to be part of a pair engaged in the same activity. In a romantic setting such as here, that means to die having had a fulfilling life. To be an assistant is simply to assist and be an underling. Nothing else. One commands, the other follows the command. In a romantic setting, each partner assists one another to live a life worth living (referring here to virtue). As long as both partners are in agreement with how things should be between them and each of them agrees to follow the terms of the contract, all that is left to do is to work toward that eudaemonic goal while being aware and act accordingly."

4. "Can you separate what is real and what isn't?" - Jassi, 27 (Male)

Would you get an arranged marriage? Yes

"I'm an incurable romantic. However, I would not mind entertaining an arranged marriage proposal for a number of reasons. I've always liked the sentiment, "Don't let romantic love be the only kind of love you crave." There are so many aspects of a life partner that we tend to forget. Most and foremost, they should be your best friend. A best friend to whom one can share their unfiltered conscious stream without being judged or having to hear an answer. A best friend that you can vent to but also a person who isn't tied to your current persona/lifestyle. They see through the veil and follow the idiosyncrasies to your soul. To find a best friend like that, you don't need to be spontaneous and adventurous. Going on adventures, we usually find people broken or discovering themselves. Sometimes, our parents or friends can show us a person directly in 1 or 2 degrees of separation from us who is maybe a bit more resolved. Once a bond like that is established, one can flourish freely. I mean, after all, we just want to be understood. Furthermore, sometimes we tend to believe we are in love but in reality, we are the furthest thing from it. Can you separate what is real and what isn't? Their actions vs. their words? The actual person vs. the idea of them? The relationship vs. the love? Your fear vs the imagined outcome? It's hard to see these things when you meet someone and have so many shared experiences. However, if you were to meet a candidate for an arranged marriage, maybe you can be a bit more impartial to your feelings and see more logically, helping you to build a more sustainable and longer-lasting organic relationship."

5. "There should be an expectation for all parties." - Alan, 24 (Male)

Would you get an arranged marriage? Yes

"As with many decisions in my life, I have always considered my parents' opinions and appreciated their input. Likewise, with marriage, I would also consider their opinions. However, my own personal feelings are equally important. If in the arranged marriage I do not feel I would be compatible with my partner, or vice-versa, I would expect to be able to decline the marriage. There should be an expectation for all parties to have their own opinion, and the final decision should consider all these factors. Given this, I would have no qualms about my parents trying to find someone who they believe would be a suitable partner for me, as long as I have the final say."

6. "Divorce is expensive." - Alex, 24 (Male)

Would you get an arranged marriage? No

"Divorce is expensive"

7. "Why play Russian Roulette with your life?" - Miraleen, 32 (Female)

Would you get an arranged marriage? No

"Because why play Russian Roulette with your life? It's more valuable than that."

8. "I'm taking my life into my own hands..." - Anonymous, 27 (Female)

Would you get an arranged marriage? No

"No. Did it already. He just wanted a green card and used me, now my family blames themselves. Just to clarify, I wouldn't be against the Padres introducing me to someone the second time around but I'm not going to let anyone pressure me into a decision. Like this ended up being a bad thing and I hate seeing my parents feeling like they gotta take the blame. It's no one's fault except for the person that decided to be selfish and deceived everyone. I'm taking my life into my own hands from now on."

9. "The freedom of choice is extremely powerful." - Jessie, 19 (Female)

Would you get an arranged marriage? No

"If I enter an arranged marriage with someone that I realize that I am not compatible with, I would feel really stressed out and feel like I'm stepping into a lifelong prison. It would feel like I am dealing with and tolerating my significant other instead of enjoying their presence and feeling understood. The freedom of choice is extremely powerful because if I choose someone that ends up being not compatible with me, I would take accountability for a decision I made. However, an arranged marriage would give too much power to the parents and I would feel I have no say in anything."

10. "I trust my parents but I also love the chase." - Jenni, 21 (Female)

Would you get an arranged marriage? No

"I would be so worried about who my parents would choose and if I fall in love with them. I trust my parents but I also love the chase and having the independence to find my own love."

11. "I personally wouldn't because I don't share most of the same values as my parents." - Ellie, 21 (Female)

Would you get an arranged marriage? No

"I personally wouldn't because I don't share most of the same values as my parents. Although I feel that they would try to find a good match, I don't think I would end up being very compatible with that person. I have a few friends whose parents had an arranged marriage and it worked out super great though. I kinda wish I thought it would work so there wouldn't be so much pressure in dating."

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I Asked 11 People If They Would Get An Arranged Marriage, And The Responses Varied

"I'd hate to think my life was preset for me."

Interestingly enough, out of the 11 people who responded to the survey, 100 percent of the females said they would not get an arranged marriage, while at least 33 percent of the males said they would get an arranged marriage.

1. "I'd hate to think my life was preset for me..." - Curtis, 27 (Male)

2. "I don't believe in marrying..." - Sota, 32 (Male)

3. "I'd rather hire an assistant..." - Marc, 28 (Male)

4. "Can you separate what is real and what isn't?" - Jassi, 27 (Male)

5. "There should be an expectation for all parties." - Alan, 24 (Male)

6. "Divorce is expensive." - Alex, 24 (Male)

7. "Why play Russian Roulette with your life?" - Miraleen, 32 (Female)

8. "I'm taking my life into my own hands..." - Anonymous, 27 (Female)

9. "The freedom of choice is extremely powerful." - Jessie, 19 (Female)

10. "I trust my parents but I also love the chase." - Jenni, 21 (Female)

11. "I personally wouldn't because I don't share most of the same values as my parents." - Ellie, 21 (Female)

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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