Currently, I'm sitting in a hotel room in Nashville with my family as they watch the presidential debate and I sit here, ignoring what's on the TV screen as much as possible. My mind starts to wander, and I realize that at this point a couple of years ago, I didn't even want to be on this Earth. I know, what a weird thing to think about on my family vacation, but I really do think that I owe it to my friend, or friends, that kept me in check without me even knowing.
For years, I have struggled with depression and anxiety. I went through a period of time where I was self-harming myself by cutting different parts of my body and scarring myself. Eventually, when I was wearing long sleeves in the summertime, my friends started to get curious
The curiosity of one of my friends lead to my mom talking to me, finding out what was going on, and being the number one team player on my road to a better emotional state. And when I slipped up throughout my time of getting better and fell back into bad habits while I was away at school, some how, some way a friend of mine would get in touch with my mom and let her know what was going on. To this day, I don't know who the mystery informant was, or if there were more than one, but I do know I owe them a lot. It has been over a year since I have harmed myself, and while I do experience ups and downs, I have better ways of finding my way out of the darkness.
The important thing to take away from this story is that no matter how independent someone may seem, or how far along in recovery they may be, someone is always going to need a friend. Someone is always going to need a person to look after them and keep an eye on them. If it wasn't for my secret guardian angel, God only knows where I would be right now. When you have a friend or a loved one going through a period self-exploration like I was, it gets really tough. There are times that are better than others, but mostly it's a constant battle in your head that you always feel like you're losing. People going through that battle need a little more of a constant reminder that they are loved and that they are capable. There are a million ways to say I love you, and not all of them are verbal. Checking body language is one way to show that you care; some people like to verbally say that they're fine, when their physical language is saying otherwise. Telling someone you saw something that reminded you of them is another thing; everyone likes to know people are thinking about them. And sometimes, the best way to be there for someone is to listen to them, and know that if they need help beyond your reach you will stand by their side while you find the help that they need. You can even be as stealthy as my friend(s) was, and know when to let the professionals handle the big stuff while, undoubtedly, giving as much love as possible and reminding me how far I've come. So, thank you to my ninja caretaker, because without you ratting me out for all of my dirty and self-destructive habits, I may not be sitting here writing this article right now.
