On the days when I feel like going crazy over a guy, I like to talk to the men that know me and how I work best. I like to go to my male friends for reasons like these because they are guys themselves and tell me like it is, regardless of how I'll react. Out of all the times, I felt like going crazy, my close male friends have all told me that the way I feel about a certain situation is valid. And I thank them for that.
After personal events of a year ago, I am learning how to regain trust in the people that I form intimate relationships with. Due to these events, I do whatever I can to not get hurt even if it means hurting somebody emotionally so they do not do it to me. I know that I can find a man that I completely trust and I am capable of doing so. My problem is that if I see one thing that I deem untrustworthy, no matter how minute it is, the trust I have within that one person is completely eradicated.
I have no problem staying in a relationship with someone whom I feel is untrustworthy because I know that they're not and it is just my personal issues getting to me. But, once they keep doing things that are untrustworthy to me, I start acting like a person that is so far from the standard of how I like to conduct myself in a relationship. I'm extremely overprotective, combative, irrational, petty, and overall a harsh person. I give myself an extremely horrible reputation around the friends of the guy I like. Granted, we have mutual friends in common who understand why I am acting like such a heinous bitch, but it's still not the person that I am.
With each passing conversation I have with my amazing male friends, I learn something about myself. After my conversation with my friend Stephen, I've learned that I plant trust like a seed and I tend to that seed too much. So when the plant dies, it's devastating to me. I've also learned that I need to be less giving with my trust, too. I fully trust people off the bat instead of them earning it like how I have to do with them. And, maybe once I learn that fully, I'll be a happier person.
On the days when I feel like going crazy over a guy, I like to talk to the men that I know and I trust the most: my male friends, to help me with my issues. I learn something new about myself with each passing conversation. I've learned how I trust people and how I need to trust people. I feel happier after these conversations because there is steady growth in how I carry myself in intimate relationships. I am stronger and I am wiser and it's nice to know that these conversations teach me how to trust the people who have my back all the time: my male friends.
