While many transition through high school fairly easier, with the same group of friends from middle or even elementary school, take all the credits to graduate and then get a job or go off to college, I would say I was far away from the norm. While yes, I kept friends from previous years and did go off to college upon graduation, the person I was walking in on my first day of ninth grade was very different from the person who walked out of the graduation ceremony. Now that I am 20-years-old and just finished my second year towards a chemical engineering degree, I realized that I should be grateful for everything that I went through during the years of high school halls and AP tests.

I went into high school I'm sure still running on the eighth grade vibes of thinking I was the greatest thing on the face of the Earth. I remained in contact with some friends who were in my "house" at our local middle school, but was thrown in for a shock when I realized most of these people would not be in my classes each day as they were for almost three years. I felt as though I was starting back from square one and my world was falling apart. How would I keep these friendships as I don't see them in the classroom? Well, soon enough I realized that I did see them occasionally and all was well. However, I also made new friends, friends that I thought I'd be with forever.

My freshmen year I went through my first relationship and saw it crash and burn right in front of me. Looking back, this was totally expected, but I mean, first love, first heartbreak, it's all super rough. My newer friends were there for me during this time, and I realized how much they truly cared. Everything seemed wonderful.

As the year flew by and my sophomore year of high school came around, everything started very normal. These new friends have become the old buddies I spent all my time with. They would want to hang out every single weekend that was possible, but in all honesty, I could rarely do this. I was 15 years old at the time, of course I didn't own a car, so having to ask my parents to drive the half an hour there and back to their houses was really just not happening. I would decide to hang out with them every few weeks or so and made excuses as to why I couldn't the other times, like that we were going to eat or I wasn't feeling well. I saw no problem with this at the time. But as time grew on, even though I did want to hang out, I began not receiving invitations.

As this new era of my life occurred, I fell apart. I knew that there was nothing wrong with me, but I sat there as they would joke around in class about what they did that weekend and I realized that I was never asked if I wanted to attend. While we did hang out occasionally after this turning point, that only happened when I tried to force myself into the plans or create the plan myself.

I hit a rock bottom point of not believing I was enough. I got panic attacks when having to deal with certain people and would spend my weekends reading by myself because if people didn't want to spend time with me, I didn't want to spend that time with them either. I at least thought if I ignored these feelings, it would solve my problems.

I somehow mentally was able to finish my sophomore and junior years of high school. In all honesty, I don't know how I did it. Depression crept in as a new neighbor, but at the time I decided that I was just going through a rough patch of time. My junior year, I ended up dating the person I did freshmen year and broke up with him the next day because I woke up and had a panic attack about having someone in my life who wanted to love me. For the sake of argument, I will describe this as one of the lowest points in my life.

I didn't do much the summer before my senior year, as expected. However, I ended up going to an RPI summer camp. This was the beginning of the Renaissance for myself. I met people I am still in contact with today, three years later, and am about to celebrate my three year anniversary with my boyfriend, Nick, whom I met at this camp. I realized there were other people in the world who could care about me and that once I graduate, things would get better. However, I still needed to go through my senior year.

I can be real that I went into my senior year literally thinking I would not make it through. In my assignment notebook, I kept a countdown to graduation after the first week of school was over. It felt like it was neverending, that someone was just trying to make me suffer. I wore a facade that all was well and good because I knew that once I graduated, I may get some peace.

I made better friends during my senior year and was able to graduate with high honors and be able to attend WPI.

Looking back at my high school years, it sounds like a form of hell. But I realized that point in my life made me stronger. I found those from high school who were worth my time two years after high school ended. I will remain friendly to those I deem had some effect in my life, but as a 20 year old now, thanks to high school, I know who's worth keeping for the long haul.