Transitioning into adulthood is one of the toughest things I've dealt with these past three years. Turning 18 was exciting at first, but then all those responsibilities came into play; going to school full-time, trying my hardest to find a job...it all weighs down on my shoulders and seems to keep piling up. The one thing that has bothered me whilst dealing with all of this is how my social circle has dwindled so fast in three years. When I was 16, I was part of a huge circle of friends. I went to parties every weekend, hung out with my "squad" every day...and then I turned 18 and all of that changed. I also began to notice who was negative and who was positive for my life, so I had to leave some people behind because they weren't good for me. A lot of people I used to hang out with all the time are still in the party phase; I'm in the college phase, and I don't want to be distracted from my goals anymore. High school was the time to mess around. Now is the time to get everything on track and create my future. Those people don't want that in their lives, so they continue to party until the sun comes up. That's ok, though. If that's what they want, then they can do that. For me, though, I don't want that in my life, so I have a small circle of friends; I've become picky about who I want to surround myself with. I want people in my life who have goals and know what they want, not people who want to drink every weekend and "get trashed" because it's finally the weekend. It's hard to find people who have my interests, too, but I guess that's just part of growing up.

My dwindling social circle hit me really hard when I finally realized what my grandpa said was true: "You're lucky to have at least one friend from your younger years when you're older". He told me that a lot when I was a teenager. He said that he's lucky to have four of his best friends from his past to continue to be along his side. I didn't really comprehend that when I was younger until it actually happened to me. Technically, I only have one friend from grade school that I'm still close to. We've known each other since kindergarten, and I'll always remember our first "play-date" that began our beautiful friendship. We're adults now, so we don't see each other as much as we used to. Whenever we get together, though, it's like we never parted. It's always great to see her; we catch up, have a few laughs, and then we part. Maybe it's a few months of not seeing each other, but when we do it's always like we never left each other in the first place.

I lost a good friend of mine this past year that I'd known since third grade. It was a tough falling out; we both didn't put enough effort into keeping the relationship going, and I believe it was both of our faults. I finally got tired of trying, and I "gave up" as I think they would see it. I was just tired of trying to keep it going and not receiving anything back. But just because we're not talking anymore like we used to doesn't mean I am not happy and grateful for what we used to have. We grow up with these people and we learn so much from them. We learn about love, friendship, giving, caring...what we had was beautiful. I used to consider them my soul mate; I thought we'd never part. Our falling out doesn't make me too sad, though, because I focus on the positive parts of our friendship. We created so many great memories together that they rule out the negative parts of the relationship. And that is what I'll never forget.

As we both got older we started our lives. They went to college and I stayed home for college. They got to experience life on their own while I still had my comfort of living at home. We both changed and are continuing to change; we're figuring out our passions and mainly who we are as people. I see the great person they are turning out to be and I praise them for pulling through these tough years because, reality is, these are really tough times to go through. There's so many things being thrown at us from left and right that it's hard to keep track of what's straight. Both of us are handling them as we see fit. They might not agree with how I cope, and vice versa, but we do quite fine at it.

I think what really started the falling out was in high school. I felt as if they ditched me to be a part of the popular group, while I was left with the "techies". I found myself with a group of people that I loved, but I felt left out because I couldn't be with my friend any more. They didn't want to hang around me anymore because they wanted to be "popular". It took me a while to get over how hurt I was to not be with my best friend anymore, but I found my new family. I accepted their path to take and I took mine. It made high school a lot more difficult for me, given all the emotions that I was dealing with (my dad, migraines, etc), but I got through it without them. We still made time to be together over the weekends, but they chose a clique to be a part of and shut me out. We both turned out fine in the end, though. High school is a big learning experience, and that helped me learn how to deal with friendships properly.

I hope that if you are reading this, don't ever think I questioned our friendship. What we had was great, and despite not being close like we used to, there's always going to be a spot in my heart for you. I hope you don't think that I'm still angry at you for petty things, because I will always love you. We may not be in each others lives anymore, but I will never forget you. I grew up with you; you were a big part of my life. We're adults now, and I can push past our negative times and realize all the good times we had. I thank you for the past and thank you for the future; you've taught me a lot about how to treat new friends I have yet to meet. I hope that you will always remember our good times and forget about the past. Maybe one day we'll meet again. Until then, I hope that your life is beautiful and enjoy life. Do not fret about one friend you have lost because there are going to be so many that you will have in your life. I was just one, as you were just one that was a part of my story. The world keeps turning. You will be just fine, and so will I.

I'm still meeting new people through school, but it's always hard to find the right ones to keep around. A lot of the people I meet have goals that are all over the place. "I want to be this" and then next week they say, "Oh, you know, I actually changed my mind, I want to be that". I completely understand changing your mind about what you want to get out of your life, but when you don't have at least one thing you're passionate about and don't really know where you're headed, it kind of turns me off. I changed my mind a lot in the beginning of college, but I was always set on helping people in some way. At first I wanted to be a nurse, and then I wanted to be an environmental scientist. After realizing that I want to help people specifically, I chose psychology. I've always known that I want to help people. These people I meet don't know what they want exactly, so they're all over the place and it's really hard to keep them around. They don't even know what they want out of life. I get that we're all trying to get our stuff together, but I just wish they had some idea of what they wanted. I still meet the occasional partier, and sometimes they'll be fun to go out with, but it's never a serious relationship for me because that's not what I want to do anymore. (I'm also not 16 anymore, therefore my body cannot handle that!)

So to all the people who have dealt with losing friends as you get older, it gets better. You may have been comfortable for a long time being with that one person 24/7, but there are so many other people to meet and so many other experiences to live. Even if you lose one person that you've had for a very long time, in the end you will gain another. It's difficult and scary, but it's also a good learning experience. Every person we meet teaches us something new from the way they see the world, and I'm happy that I got to see the world from someone else's point of view for 12 years. Friendships are a beautiful thing, but sometimes they don't last. Do not despair; friends come and go, but the memories you have from those people will last forever. Maybe they were only supposed to be in our lives for two years, or even 12; but it all happens for a reason. We can always look back on those times and remember how much love we felt and how much love we gave to make us feel good. In the end, everything will turn out like it's supposed to.