I write a lot about women. I write a lot about how traditional gender roles put women in unsafe places. I write so much I'm positive people are getting annoyed. I'm the angry feminist you were warned about. Either that, or I'm the angry feminist you hear everywhere you turn and my speech is getting stale.
It occurred to me I haven't written enough about how men are hurt by the patriarchy.
Yes, this angry feminist concedes. Men are empowered by the patriarchy in ways women aren't, but they are also severely hurt by it in ways women aren't.
I'm not a psychologist and I don't have a source to cite. My creative writing professor often asks: "How do we know that?" The answer is always: "We just do." Masculinity's harm is easier to see when it's written out. This article is full of generalizations. For some, these things aren't true. Nonetheless, these things all affect some man somewhere - and shouldn't.
The world tells women they can't. Masculinity tells men they can't either.
A man can't be a doting, stay-at-home father, at least not without criticism. He needs to be an aggressive breadwinner. He needs to drink and watch sports and go to work. He can't be skilled at changing diapers and hosting tea parties for his children. His partner may deeply appreciate these behaviors, but his buddies - his male-identified friends who must also hold up their masculinity - will doubtlessly make fun of him. It's not masculine to be with children. It's only masculine to have them and provide them with financial support.
When women are gay, it's hot. Sometimes. When men are gay, it's gross. Masculinity says men can't be gay. They especially can't be gay and continue to be masculine. The two are mutually exclusive.
Even if a man isn't gay, he must not participate in platonic physical intimacy with men. If he hugs too long, he has to tack on "no homo" in order to reassert his sexuality. He can't cuddle with a man. He can't hold him when he's upset. Masculinity doesn't care if they've known each other since they were babies! Masculinity says he needs to get over it.
Masculinity orders men not to feel a multitude of emotions. Men can't cry. Boy's don't cry! Stop crying! A natural release of emotion is forbidden, according to the masculine. Men are not supposed to show vulnerability. They're not supposed to need emotional support. Especially not from a woman. They're only supposed to let her show emotion and be there to pick up after her. Masculinity stifles men in their emotional completeness.
Masculinity has many rules about sex. Men can't be submissive. No chance. Men can't enjoy losing control. Men are in control. If a man does enjoy submission, something is wrong. Or he's gay. Or maybe he's a woman. He can't be a masculine man. Also, he can't dislike being raped by a woman. He got it up, didn't he? She was hot, wasn't she? She wanted him! He should have enjoyed it. He absolutely may not explore his sexuality. He may not experiment with anyone other than a woman. He can't cross dress and expect to stay a masculine man. Masculinity calls for specific clothes. Masculinity says being a man means being aggressive and mean.
Want to explore the feminine identity? Write female characters? Play female characters in video games? Attempt to comprehend in any fashion what it's like being a woman? Masculinity will warn a man to be prepared to justify himself. It's because they're hot, right? It's because he has to know in order to achieve a goal, right? He's not exploring this identity to learn more about himself, is he? Good, masculine buddies will need to know he's not doing this because he identifies in any way.
Masculinity discourages or totally blocks men from enjoying the following: Bubble baths, reading, makeup, getting dressed up, childcare, children, drinking tea or coffee that takes more than two words to order, enjoying media aimed at women, skirts, media that contains anything queer, heels, fancy desserts, taking long walks, being introspective, shopping without a specific purchasing goal, body scrub, ballet, dance, music, theater, chick flicks, romance films, anything with a fruity, floral or dessert scent, traditional or cultural clothing that could be perceived as a skirt, shaving or waxing totally clean, sports like gymnastics, volleyball, ice skating, synchronized swimming, and so on, having well kept long hair or a "feminine" hairstyle, fruity alcoholic beverages, sentimental keepsakes, stuffed animals, sewing, cooking other than grilling unless you're a famous chef, gardening, etc. etc. I could go on for days.
In short, men are not allowed to be feminine. I'm not allowed to succeed in the corporate world, I get paid less money for men's work, the expectations for my beauty are unrealistic, and men aren't allowed to be anything like me without suffering.
This should tell the world a lot about what feminism actually means or should actually mean. Feminism aims to break down the masculinity damaging everyone in the system. It prioritizes health, emotion, exploration, equality, freedom, affection, and empowerment for everybody regardless of gender, class, race, ethnicity, nationality, ability, sex, sexuality, expression, and so on. It encourages the feminine: the open, not the closed.
