The Emotional Stages of Letting Toxic People Go

The Emotional Stages of Letting Toxic People Go

Sometimes things have to fall apart in order to make room for better things.
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Losing people in your life is hard; it will always be hard. Especially when you think that those people are the ones that you are going to spend the rest of your life with. Maybe it’s your best friend, a significant other, or in some cases both. One of the worst feelings ever is gathering up the courage to face your issues with someone, and then have them turn the situation around to make you feel bad for saying anything. They turn it around to make themselves the victim.

No matter who it is, you should never let someone make you feel bad for expressing the reasons they make you upset. That is an obvious red flag that so many people, including myself, ignore. Afterwards, you feel pathetic and wrong for feeling upset. You convince yourself that you're in the wrong and you shouldn’t have said anything in the first place. Somehow, you make excuses for them in your head and you accept what they are doing to you. You believe that the love they have for you is so much greater than the pain you’re feeling.

Don’t do that to yourself. If something or someone is making you feel upset or hurt, you should never just sit around and hope that one day it will eventually get better. Stop making excuses for people. Stop letting them control you. Stop letting them make you feel like you are small. If someone wants to be with you, if someone truly wants the best for you and cares about you, they won’t do things to inflict pain on you. You want people in your life that lift you up every day and let you see how important and loved you are.

Looking back at my broken relationships and friendships, I wanted to cling to those people so badly when everything went to hell. I believed that they were the people that were supposed to be in my life forever and I was scared to lose them. I made every excuse in the book for them treating me the way that they did when in reality, I should have left them a long time ago. I struggled every day with losing the people that I lost. After all the heartbreak and emptiness I felt, I realized that they were toxic people in my life. They didn’t treat me the way I deserved to be treated. I am someone who puts everything I have into my relationships and they didn’t give me half the heart that I gave to them.

You should never have to question how people feel about you. You should never feel guilty for being upset about something. If someone is treating you in a way that makes you feel bad, then you shouldn’t let it keep happening. Start standing up for yourself and realize that you deserve better. There are people out there that would give you the world and you deserve nothing less. Surround yourself with people that give as much into the relationship as you do. You are worth so much more than settling into a miserable relationship because you think you don’t deserve more than that.

Not everyone you lose is a loss. Sometimes relationships need to end in order to move forward with your life. Some of the best people show up in your life when you least expect it. Find those people that will do nothing but accept, support, and love you for who you are. Holding onto toxic relationships does nothing but destroy you in the end. Let go of anyone who has ever hurt you, made you feel small, or made you feel like you were worth nothing. Find it in your heart to learn how to love yourself first and then you will open the door to find relationships that will truly benefit you. One of the best feelings is finally letting go of the people that weren't good for you in the first place.

Cover Image Credit: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/21/9e/f2/219ef2144a35b93ecf029e0ce8d04149.jpg

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A Letter To My Best Friend On Valentine's Day

Because you are my ultimate Valentine.
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To my beautiful best friend,

Warning: This letter is about to get extremely cheesy. I am talking four cheese lasagna cheesy. But no one deserves a love letter like this more than you do.

This Valentine’s Day, I want to express my love for you. On this wondrous occasion with which most people express their love to their significant other, I want to tell you, my best friend, how much I cherish our friendship.

SEE ALSO: A Valentine's Day Love Letter To My Girl Best Friends

You are the ultimate love of my life. Boys have come and gone but you remain a constant; for that I am grateful. You have been there for me when my family could not be; for that I am grateful. You have been my backbone, my rock, and all those other clichés people use to describe the people they care about, and yet you have been so much more than that as well; for that I am grateful.

All my love this Valentine’s Day goes out to you, my friend, because you do not receive it enough. You have picked me up out of the dirt, brushed me off, and kissed my wounds more times than I can count, and I will never be able to thank you enough for that, but I am sure am going to try.

Thank you for the midnight cries. Thank you for the midnight laughs. Thank you for ordering way too much food with me and still just eating it all. Thank you for the advice, both solicited and unsolicited. Thank you for telling me what I need to hear, even when it isn’t what I want to hear. Thank you for the silly pictures. Thank you for the stupid inside jokes. Thank you for making bad decisions with me. Thank you for laughing with me and laughing at me. Thank you for the endless memories.

SEE ALSO: An Open Letter to the Best Friend I've Ever Had

More than anything, I want you to know that I love you. I love you. You are the family I get to choose, the one I go to when I have nowhere else to turn. You are the one I know I can always run to, whether we saw each other yesterday or haven’t seen each other in a year. You have played a part in molding who I am as a person, and I am so grateful for having such an amazing person affecting my life in such a positive way.

With all the love in my heart,

Your friend
Cover Image Credit: https://www.facebook.com/natalie.pederson.5/photos

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Blood Doesn't Determine Family

Blended families are just as much of a family as a traditional one.

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If you look above, you can see that have a very large family on my mother's side. Between my grandparents, aunts and uncle, cousins and my own immediate family, we're at thirty-three members and counting. All branches of our family tree have busy lives, so we don't get to see each other as much as often as we would hope to. Christmas is the one time a year where we all finally get together for the evening. If you sat in on our holiday party, you may think that we have a couple screws loose, but there is no doubt that you would be able to feel the love radiating from room to room.

If you look at the picture I chose for my header, you can see all of the cousins gathered for our yearly picture. Dysfunctional, of course, but you can tell that love is there. Would it surprise you that out of our entire huge family, less than half of us are blood-related?

I come from a blended family, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Blood does not determine family to us. Love does.

Divorce can be a messy thing, especially when children are involved. Both my aunt and uncle had remarried into relationships that already had children. For the most part, none of us can really ever remember a time when we weren't considered family. We don't ever look at each other as not being related. We never will. Family to us is the love and support that is shared unconditionally between us.

As I said, you would never be able to tell we weren't blood-related unless I told you. Not only do we all look similar to one another (which again is odd, because if the marriages had never taken place, we would just have a ton of doppelgangers running around), but the love and passion that we radiate is unmistakable that we have a bond that will never be broken, let alone determined by biology.

Blended families tend to get a bad rap sometimes from some of the horror stories that can come from second marriages. Not only that, but some people still are stuck in the idea that the only socially acceptable type of family is one where the lineage is clear and concise. Although I can see where these people come from, I don't believe that because there is a lack of shared genetics between all of us, our love is any less strong.

Family is those who will answer a call or text late at night because you need someone to talk to. They're the ones that you end up staying at their house and talking for hours when you meant to make a quick trip in. They are there for you no matter the situation and always believe in you one hundred percent.

Traditional families have a lot of love too, undoubtedly. But please, do not tell me that my family is any less of a family of a family because of its makeup. We have just as much love between us as families with the same bloodline. Blood does not determine the amount of love and affection between all of us. It never will. We will love each other as much as a traditional family. We never look at each other as a mixed family, so please stop treating us as such.

I've said it so many times, but I'll remind you once more. Blood does not determine family, love does-- and I love my family more than life itself.

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