In celebration of this week being Body Positivity Week, I thought I would share from my personal journey. Growing up, I always LOVED food. I was raised in South Louisiana where eating was incorporated with every social outing--- and very much encouraged. So my life started to unfold with a love for food. As I became older, however, this love for food became more of an obsession. I would completely obsess over what meal was coming next. I would let my food be my source of comfort for any occasion, good or bad. I would even lose complete control and eat myself sick multiple times a day. But when drastic measures came to their worst: I would even hide food from my parents to avoid getting told that I couldn't eat an entire box of cookies and a meal fit for a plus-sized man for the fifth time in only a couple of hours. It wasn't until approximately seventh grade I realized that I was at an extremely unhealthy position and that I was struggling with an eating disorder.
That is where I met my worst enemy; my Binge Eating Disorder.
Binge Eating Disorder is defined by two major characteristics: eating large amounts of food in relatively short periods of time and feeling a loss of control while eating. Behaviors that also accompany Binge Eating Disorder include the following: eating quickly, eating when not hungry, continuing to eat even when full, feeling guilty or ashamed of eating habits, and an increased sensitivity when it comes to discussing eating habits with others.
When the media chooses to cover eating disorders, you hear more about Anorexia Nervosa (which is a fear of gaining weight) and Bullemia Nervosa (which is a fear of gaining weight handled with purging). However with Binge Eating Disorder, there are no compensatory behaviors such as self-induced vomiting or over-exercising after binge eating; there is only a person that is stuck in an overweight or obese body entrapped by the desire of food.
Over the years, I have received counseling for my Binge Eating Disorder. However, I never found the answers on the couch of a therapist. I found the answers on the road to recovery in the Word of God. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 spoke to me the most. It states "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." After reading that verse, it challenged me to my core. It showed me that my body is a gift from God that stewards the Holy Spirit. If I fill myself with things that are not good for my health, if I am constantly obsessing over the wrong things, that is a reflection of how I steward the Holy Spirit. If I want the way I steward the Holy Spirit to reflect in a positive light, I have to change what I am doing.
Recently, I started taking this into perspective more often. I started looking to the Lord for strength and awareness of how my body is doing. I started taking care of my body by working out on a consistent basis. I also started viewing my food as fuel rather than a source of comfort. Have I seen a change overnight? By no means. It has taken me at least five weeks to lose seven pounds; but that isn't my goal anymore. My goal now is to shift my perspective first, towards viewing how Christ views me and second, viewing what matters. When I consider putting those two perspectives in a place of importance; my view starts shifting away from the detrimental and negative thoughts.
The change of heart and change of mindset has helped me walk in in freedom. Am I still fighting the constant worries of what I consume daily? Of course. But shifting my focus has helped me find order even though I fight daily with a disorder. This doesn't mean that my life is all sunshine and butterflies; it just means I truly have to make my thought life a priority. Living in this freedom from worry, however, has helped me enjoy life a lot more. It has helped me build my relationship with Christ and with others. It has also helped me live the best life I can live by learning more about who I am in Christ. But most importantly: I've been able to learn to love who I am and love my body the way that God made me.
I pray that if you are going through something similar, one day you can make this realization too and you will truly walk in freedom and in peace of mind. Keep fighting, because the day you realize that you've actually found order in your disorder is a day you will never forget. Hopefully one day you too will be able to love yourself and become more body positive; because in the end it is completely worth it.
